redside

My (recovering) addict partner and her daughter flew home to Portland last week for Xmas. I'm staying home because of money issues (whole other thread).
She has called me twice since they got there last Thursday (red flag 1). When she called she was short on talk and acted like I had done something wrong (red flag 2).
Called me Saturday to tell me that she needed money, got pissed when I said would have to wire it to her Sunday (red flag 3), called her back with info to pick up the money, cold shoulder from her and no thank you or whatever (red flag 4).
Tried to call her this morning, cell went straight to voicemail five times, left message to please call me (red flage 5).
Finialy called her parents, whom she is staying with. Her mom told me that she had been stopped and arrested for driving on a suspended licence. Sorry, Oregon does not arrest just for that offense (red flag 6).
Went to the county web site for where this happened. Checked jail web site to see if she was in custody.
Lo and Behold, she was arrested for possesion of meth.
So, she sits in jail, $1000 bond, daughter at grandparents thank the gods. Me 1200 miles away in Denver, now heres the strange part,
I cannot bring myself to freak out over it. I achualy sat down and started laughing until the tears started and then cried for a good half hour ( OH how manly is that ). Kidding.
I'm thankful that her daughter is in a safe place and that is one very big worry off my mind.

Now the hard part starts. I do not want her to come home. I can not do this anymore. What with the money she has done god knows what with over the past 2 months and the no doubt lying to me and others about all kinds of things.
As far as I am concerned she can sit in jail and face her actions on her own. If it where in my power her daughter would come back here and stay with me, but her bio-dad will never let that happen.

So, what do I do? A meeting tonight f2f, there is a 24hr chat room meeting going on at another site. Try and talk to her parents and explain why I can't have her come home or bail her out ( I do not believe that her father will bail her or allow her mom to do so).

I will be going to two Xmas day f2f meetings and then take it one day and step at a time.

I'd be praying, but me and my HP still have not come to speaking terms yet ( Oh what a fickle thing faith can be).

But I will continue to climb over these boulders in my Path, for I know I dare not leave the Path that you folks have shown.

Thanks, Collin

hundow08

i say you already know the right answer. it is hard to stay strong and do the right thing for yourself. but keep plugging away. Just remember to breath .. IN with the GOod Out with the bad. hope the new year brings you peace of mind.

Stellargirl

Let her do some jail time, she deserves it.


Let go.

Lovestoomuch

There comes a time when we realize we can't continue to be a part of an active addicts crazy life. It's at that point we really need to take care of ourselves and do what's best for us. I've been where you are and when you are honestly sick and tired of being sick and tired the answer comes pretty easy. It may still hurt, but the pain does eventually subside. No one can tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I did. I closed the door and got on with my life. All said with love.

Momsrainbow

JMO leave her in jail. I bonded AH out so many times 5 yrs. ago-not this yr.-he is back in prison all in the name of "Meth". You know the money you wired her went straight for drugs I imagine. Every dime I ever gave AH went for drugs one way or the other. A waste of time and money.

Take care and try to have a nice Christmas.

marle

Sending some hugs your way. Christmas tends to bring out the crazy in our addicts. You are doing good to focus on you and let her take care of herself. It is sad, but she is not ready for a better life. Hugs and Merry Christmas. You may just hear something that you need to hear at one of those meetings. Hugs, Marle

krhea75

Collin,
you sound like you have your head on straight, and a compassionate heart to go with it. Be strong, buckaroo.
krhea

redside

"Let her do some jail time, she deserves it."

Deserves it?
She did 90 days in 06. Plus 30 days in house rehab.
Stayed clean and sober until this.
Maybe she does "deserve it", but it is nothing I would so blithly put upon anybody.
Truely, I believe that she needs to left to her own devices.
But, there is a 16y daughter that I have to think about.
Not my biological daughter at that.
But tonight I learned that she wants to come back here to CO and stay with me. It may be that she only wants to finish school here and that she wants to be with her friends here, but I will take that reason in a heart beat.
To think that she trusts me enough to come back here without her mother and to live here if even to just finish the school year and or to be with friends is enough to rend my heart.

Lovestoomuch

No matter what the reason is, she obviously trusts you otherwise wouldn't even consider being there without her mother. That says a lot about you and your character........and that's a good thing. You may be a positive influence in this child's life. I'll be praying for you all that everything goes according to how it should. Sometimes it's not always what we wish for, but it usually ends up being the way it should and we see that in time.

mooselips

redside,
Your gaining strength going to those meetings.
And I think we just come to a time where we eventually get tired of all the ups and downs, it comes down to, US FIRST.

Kudos to you, for seeing the innocent daughter stuck in the middle of this mess. If she is old enough, perhaps she will have the right to say were she wants to be, if that would be with you, vs her father?


Hugs,

nytepassion

She does need to face the consequences of her behavior .. I think that is what is meant by deserves it ... I say she has surely earned it and yes she needs to be left to her own devices. I would not bail her out for all the money in the world. Meth is a stronghold drug and you definitely cannot be a light-weight when it comes to boundaries and sticking to them .... Tough love with the best intentions to raise the bottom and let her hit hard while praying the impact doesn't take her out. Scary stuff.... been there done that .. wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Passion