puddinface

Spoke to my 21 year old AS last night for the first time in weeks. He, of course, sounded like he was high as a kite. I asked him to please come and spend Christmas Eve with us and have a wonderful Christmas dinner at my in-laws. He promised he would come home and we would all ride over together. He, of course, didnt come home. So here I sit, like a big idiot, still hoping that he walks through the door. It's 3:30 and we leave at 5:30. I am literally almost at my breaking point. I can't allow this child to ruin my holiday...i can't. I am trying to stay positive for the sake of my older son and grandson. Say a prayer that I can make it through this night. Thank you friends.

caileesnana

I'm sorry you were hurt. you and your family are in my prayers,
susan

marle

I am sorry that you are hurting. My daughter was supposed to come for Christmas but she backed out last Tuesday. Addicts are just not reliable people. It does not matter if they are your husband, wife, sibling or child. I no longer get as hurt by the things my daughter does because I realize that she is very sick. Sick people do things that are unexplainable. I was upset when she cancelled and then I remembered that she has not been in my life for a long time and I have survived and so I will survive this Christmas. Actually this year I am looking forward to a nice holiday. Before an addict relapses they are told to play the tape all the way through. It is the same with us. Play that tape all the way through. Do you really want an active addict around for the holidays. When I play my tape my answer is no. Hugs, Marle

BigSis

Some of my biggest resentments were/are based in something I CAN control - my expectations.

They are hard to lower - and it takes a few of these "no shows" and MY pain in order for me to learn to try not to have expections or to try and plan outcomes.

We are both learning in this recovery - both the addict and me. You would think I would learn faster, not having the mind/mood altering substance in my system.... but I ain't any faster at it than my kids are!

Do your best and try to remember that the holiday is just ONE day... things will start to get better, soon. And the days are already longer! It won't be dark forever.... (((hugs)))

kelsh

Hi BigSis,

I just have to ask...Is that Mount St. Helens? It sure looks like it to me but I may be wrong. I lived in Orchards, a suburb of Vancouver, WA when the mountain blew. It was awesome for sure. The day it blew on May 18...my husband and son were at Boy Scout Camp and left early to get everyone home.

We didn't get much ash because the wind was blowing. In fact my Ex-husband called from Eastern Washington to see if the mountain blew. I had been vacuming and I looked out the door and all I could see was fog and rain. Then I put the TV on and there it was.

kelsh

Mewoman

Sorry for your disappointment , I can totally relate but the previous posters are right , it is just one day . Don't call yourself an idiot we all want the holidays to go as we plan .


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))) ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Spiritual Seeker

If he weren't an addict you could depend on him.
When he said he'd be there he prob. had good intention.
That's what addict do. I know it is hard not to take it personal, espec. today.
I hope you found happiness anyway.
If he could do better today at showing his love he would. But you know

sleepygoat

Spiritual seeker is right. My AD is full of good intentions and i know she means it when she says it - whatever it is she promises. But the follow-thru is another matter. Bis-sis said it - we have to lower our expections (to none???) in order to not go crazy or have our hearts broken daily, when dealing with addicts. Where there's life there's hope, though. Let's pray 2008 is the year our kids get clean and stay clean.

Impurrfect

(((hugs)))

Sorry you are in pain. I missed a few Christmas's with my family when I was using. I know it's pretty impossible to understand, but when we A's are active, NOTHING is as important as getting high. Yes, it's wrong, but it is what it is. It isn't because he doesn't care (I'm sure he does), it's just that the drugs have a hold on him.

I hope you have a good day, anyway. You're a good mom...he's just lost in his addiction.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy