bluebelle

I'm still obsessing over AH's using/not using. He is supposedly in recover. I don't know what to think. He has been working with his therapist, and has a plan that he is working on. I am so sensitive to everything he does. I'm always afraid that it is a sign that he is using. Yesterday, he had a lot of energy. He was getting a lot accomplished. Today, he slept in quite a bit. I even asked him if he was still clean--if he was using again. Of course, he said, no, he has made the decision to stop, and he hasn't used. I guess I have no way of knowing whether or not he is really clean. I guess I just hate not knowing if we are back into the lies and games again.

Elana

Are YOU working a program? are YOU going to AlAnon? Are you journaling INSTEAD of focusing on him? Are you working through "CoDependent No More" by Melodie Beattie?

If not, start NOW. Find an Alanon meeting if there are no NarAnon meetings and GO TO ONE. ASAP. Today if possible. Go on line and get a copy of the book I mention above. You can get it used for a song (I got mine at B&N). Get Melody Beattie's 12 steps book for Co Dependents too and start it.

Get a journal and start writing. Write you fears. Write why you are afraid. Write about anything and everything you are obsessing over. Take the focus off him and get it on you.

He has a program. He is trying to work it. You need your own program.

CoDependents lose themselves in other people and forget who they are. I did this for 27 years between an alcoholic husabnd and a drug addict BF. I am OK now. I started being ok just over a year ago. You can be OK too.

Just do it now.. don't wait 27 years. Good grief that is a LOT of wasted energy on other people that could have been focused on me.

bluebelle

I ordered the book, and I started journaling. I am afraid to say that I got upset with him again. I questioned him more--accused him, etc. He says that he doesn't like hearing that I don't trust him, and that I'm treating him like I think he's a child--he said for me to stop nagging him, etc. Things have changed so fast. He is less secretive, and more open about what is going on with him. He also has less self-esteem, and seems to need more reassurance from me. I'm used to him being the strong one, and me relying on him. He's now more willing to run errands with me, which he usually hates.

Taking5

What was his DOC? There is likely a home drug test kit for it. Drug test him. In terms of your anxiety over the using/not using question - problem solved.