What a difference a year makes...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: BFE
Posts: 116
What a difference a year makes...
Hi all. Very few of you will probably even remember me, because it has been awhile since I have been here... and for me, that is a very good thing. All of the "old timers" around here are absolutely endless wells of knowledge and invaluable to the forums, but for me, this was a place to share and to try to figure out how in the world I was ever going to get out of the hole I now realize I had dug for myself.
Today, I'm stuck in a blizzard of sorts and actually had a few seconds to sit (for which I am now grateful, instead of wary!) and I thought I'd share my own little story of recovery.
This time last year, I was probably just about as low as I could have been. Several of my posts may still be around about it, actually. The long and short of it is that I had already been through a long wrestle with addiction with my mom, who was addicted to painkillers and alcohol for the better half of my life. She was relatively new to recovery and we had our own issues on that.
Well, of course as soon as she got into recovery (and I didn't), I found a boyfriend who had "a little problem" with alcohol, pot, painkillers and meth. What a wonderful new challenge! Of course I thought I could change him... and actually thought I had succeeded about two years in... until a few days before Thanksgiving, when he got arrested with pot, meth, and a shotgun while on the job for my [I]father/I]! And I stayed with him! So last Christmas, I was feeling a little less than merry, to say the least.
He promisd he would go to rehab... of course he didn't. But I made a choice for myself - and got my own recovery started. I started at Alanon (no Naranon in the area) and got a sponsor and started working the steps. Somewhere around February it just came to me, finally, that he had no desire to get any type of help himself and one day, I was just D-O-N-E. Of course, it wasn't as easy as it sounds - seeing as how I'd broken up with him about twelve thousand times, twelve thousand and one didn't seem all that concerning to him at the time. We had several serious run-ins before I finally got my key back, and having to threaten my once puppy-sweet ex with calling the cops wasn't fun. In fact, he still calls and texts regularly trying to get back with me - and uses the dog we used to share most frequently to try and lure me back in. But now, I have a little more to stay away for.
Around April, my sponsor actually introduced me to a guy - didn't think much of it, because I really didn't think that it would amount to anything with the way I was feeling about myself, although I was getting much stronger due to my own recovery. We took things slow at first, but when you meet a wonderful person who is everything you are looking for, some things just can't be stopped.
It was strange at first - going out with a man who had his own house, own money... who didn't break all my nice things on accident and who showed up on time... who didn't unexpectedly break plans for some constant "emergency"... who didn't hide his cell phone or speak to unknown callers in hushed tones in the other room... who didn't fall asleep in the middle of a conversation or shy away from my friends and family and actually cared about my day... but I started getting used to it.
We are still going strong to this day and probably headed toward marriage. For the first Christmas in awhile, I'm excited about spending time with another person's family and he with mine, and not worried that he will "forget" to buy me a present or show up for my office party... and I know the New Year won't bring another opportunity for him to get high. It will be a time to celebrate another year... with HOPE and positive things to come.
Not only is that going good... I'm moving up so much more quickly with my career as a result of removing all the drama from my life and just got a very nice Christmas bonus as a result, which meant paying off some old debt but was more important because it meant I was valued there. I'm also markedly healthier... no more high blood pressure (yes, I was 25 and had high blood pressure), and I've been eating healthier and have gotten back to the weight I was before I met my ex too, which was my goal. Most of all, my relationship with my family is SO much better now that my parents and sister don't have to worry about me falling apart every time my "boyfriend" hurts me, because they know the one in my life now only protects me and loves me. They all LOVE him too, which is such a unique and wonderful feeling.
The truth is, I had to leave my addict behind to realize my own potential. But I don't think that's the moral of the story. I think all the great things in my life are a result of my recovery, and not any one man or one job or one anything.
By the way, Mom's still in recovery... we celebrated THREE YEARS in October!
My very best wishes to everyone this holiday season... and my HOPE that you all find your own chance to recovery!
Today, I'm stuck in a blizzard of sorts and actually had a few seconds to sit (for which I am now grateful, instead of wary!) and I thought I'd share my own little story of recovery.
This time last year, I was probably just about as low as I could have been. Several of my posts may still be around about it, actually. The long and short of it is that I had already been through a long wrestle with addiction with my mom, who was addicted to painkillers and alcohol for the better half of my life. She was relatively new to recovery and we had our own issues on that.
Well, of course as soon as she got into recovery (and I didn't), I found a boyfriend who had "a little problem" with alcohol, pot, painkillers and meth. What a wonderful new challenge! Of course I thought I could change him... and actually thought I had succeeded about two years in... until a few days before Thanksgiving, when he got arrested with pot, meth, and a shotgun while on the job for my [I]father/I]! And I stayed with him! So last Christmas, I was feeling a little less than merry, to say the least.
He promisd he would go to rehab... of course he didn't. But I made a choice for myself - and got my own recovery started. I started at Alanon (no Naranon in the area) and got a sponsor and started working the steps. Somewhere around February it just came to me, finally, that he had no desire to get any type of help himself and one day, I was just D-O-N-E. Of course, it wasn't as easy as it sounds - seeing as how I'd broken up with him about twelve thousand times, twelve thousand and one didn't seem all that concerning to him at the time. We had several serious run-ins before I finally got my key back, and having to threaten my once puppy-sweet ex with calling the cops wasn't fun. In fact, he still calls and texts regularly trying to get back with me - and uses the dog we used to share most frequently to try and lure me back in. But now, I have a little more to stay away for.
Around April, my sponsor actually introduced me to a guy - didn't think much of it, because I really didn't think that it would amount to anything with the way I was feeling about myself, although I was getting much stronger due to my own recovery. We took things slow at first, but when you meet a wonderful person who is everything you are looking for, some things just can't be stopped.
It was strange at first - going out with a man who had his own house, own money... who didn't break all my nice things on accident and who showed up on time... who didn't unexpectedly break plans for some constant "emergency"... who didn't hide his cell phone or speak to unknown callers in hushed tones in the other room... who didn't fall asleep in the middle of a conversation or shy away from my friends and family and actually cared about my day... but I started getting used to it.
We are still going strong to this day and probably headed toward marriage. For the first Christmas in awhile, I'm excited about spending time with another person's family and he with mine, and not worried that he will "forget" to buy me a present or show up for my office party... and I know the New Year won't bring another opportunity for him to get high. It will be a time to celebrate another year... with HOPE and positive things to come.
Not only is that going good... I'm moving up so much more quickly with my career as a result of removing all the drama from my life and just got a very nice Christmas bonus as a result, which meant paying off some old debt but was more important because it meant I was valued there. I'm also markedly healthier... no more high blood pressure (yes, I was 25 and had high blood pressure), and I've been eating healthier and have gotten back to the weight I was before I met my ex too, which was my goal. Most of all, my relationship with my family is SO much better now that my parents and sister don't have to worry about me falling apart every time my "boyfriend" hurts me, because they know the one in my life now only protects me and loves me. They all LOVE him too, which is such a unique and wonderful feeling.
The truth is, I had to leave my addict behind to realize my own potential. But I don't think that's the moral of the story. I think all the great things in my life are a result of my recovery, and not any one man or one job or one anything.
By the way, Mom's still in recovery... we celebrated THREE YEARS in October!
My very best wishes to everyone this holiday season... and my HOPE that you all find your own chance to recovery!
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Hey there! I remember you too!
My A has been completely out of my life since last March and life is SOOOOOO good now. I can so relate to where you are.
The biggest difference is that I made a decision to NOT date and NO MORE relationships. One would have to hit me over the head for me to get involved right now. But, I am a LOT older than you and have a lot of things I want to do and I don't want to compromise what I want to do anymore.. so relationships don't FIT in my life right now.
I think you are doing GREAT.
Congrats on moving 4ward with a good story and sharing with others so they know they can get to where you are today.
You GO girl!
My A has been completely out of my life since last March and life is SOOOOOO good now. I can so relate to where you are.
The biggest difference is that I made a decision to NOT date and NO MORE relationships. One would have to hit me over the head for me to get involved right now. But, I am a LOT older than you and have a lot of things I want to do and I don't want to compromise what I want to do anymore.. so relationships don't FIT in my life right now.
I think you are doing GREAT.
Congrats on moving 4ward with a good story and sharing with others so they know they can get to where you are today.
You GO girl!
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Texas,
I'm so glad you shared how your life has turned around, it makes me grin just to know while posting, I bet you had a smile from ear to ear!
We all deserve to love, and be loved. We all deserve to respect, and be respected. We all deserve to be HAPPY!
Good for you, and congrats on the new guy!
Hugs to you,
I'm so glad you shared how your life has turned around, it makes me grin just to know while posting, I bet you had a smile from ear to ear!
We all deserve to love, and be loved. We all deserve to respect, and be respected. We all deserve to be HAPPY!
Good for you, and congrats on the new guy!
Hugs to you,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
Originally Posted by Trying_in_Texas 
It was strange at first - going out with a man who had his own house, own money... who didn't break all my nice things on accident and who showed up on time... who didn't unexpectedly break plans for some constant "emergency"... who didn't hide his cell phone or speak to unknown callers in hushed tones in the other room... who didn't fall asleep in the middle of a conversation or shy away from my friends and family and actually cared about my day... but I started getting used to it.
I don't like being mean about him... he is such a good guy on so many levels...
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so happy for you that you are moving along and that you are living your life for you and accepting that you deserve a whole lot more than you were getting out of your last relationship.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
LOVE love love your positive message. Exper, strength + hope - you have it all.
We can really see the dysfuntion when we get a little distance.
We can really see recovery when we stick with it.
We can really see the dysfuntion when we get a little distance.
We can really see recovery when we stick with it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i also remember you. i am happy your life has a meaning. you sound so good. i hope the year of 08 continues to bless you. keep in touch,let us know when the big day will be. i am also happy for your mom.may she continue to grow in her recovery. there are good things out there if we just wait for the miracle. hugs & prayers,
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Hey there! I sure remember you, and am SO thrilled to hear about your new life!! I'm right there with you in saying that one year can make a huge difference! Wishing you all the blessings that life has to offer in the coming year!
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