obsessed

I went to a Christmas party last night and had a great time but as I was sitting there, it was a new restuarant, I thought Lauren would love this place but I know my old lauren would,not this one. Monday will be 2 weeks since I have seen her. One of her friends called me Thursday night to ask if I had heard from her I told not since Tuesday so she tracked her down and told me she is still in the meth house, Lauren told her that she was not using but we all know if she was not using she would be home. I am really trying to detach from alot of this and I do think I am stronger now than I was 2 years ago when this started but I have a long way to go. I can honestly say I am just sad today and have to go to work but I have to carry on with my life no matter what she does but I am scratching my head trying to figure out how she is surviving with no money, it is had to admit but I know she is cooking, selling and using. Hope everyone has a great day!!! Deanna:wtf2

caileesnana

Sorry you are feeling bad today. Those are the days when all seems lost. It's not, but it is up to Lauren! You are right, if she wasn't using, she wouldn't be there. Her choice, not yours. I remember the calls from friends and so called friends, I got to where Ididn't want to hear from anyone who knew Kasey. Too much pain, anger, shame etc. I am still like that sometimes, but I pray in time that those feelings go away.

I pray for Lauren this holiday season that she will survive her hell until she can pull herself up.

God bless you,
susan

grateful2b

Sorry you're feeling sad, Deanna... You know I finally figured something out for myself at one point. I was so miserable , really suffering because I would spend a lot of time thinking about my AD and how she was. I felt on some level , I could not, not be thinking about her , like that somehow meant I didn't love her unless she was constantly in my thoughts. When I figured out the whole detachment thing, I realized I was torturing myself by preoccupying myself with what was happening to her. I realized that whether I thought about what she was doing or not, it wasn't going to change anything she was doing, but I could help myself. Now I do not spend a second thinking about what she is doing and it dosen't mean I love her one bit less. I love her, I pray for her and instead of seeing her disease, If I find myself wanting to dwell on what she is doing, I choose instead to try and visualize her healthy, because that helps me. Suffering along with her was not helping her and killing me and keeping me from moving to a place of awareness, where I could see what I could actually do to help us both. I don't know if you can use any of this.....

hope213

the holidays are here & it gets a little hard to let go & be merry. we all have to focus on ourselves a little harder & look for the good in our life. i have a lot going on but that is what i try to do. stay around happy people that do have the spirit of christmas. it helps. do not shut yourself away from the people that care for you & about you. you know the difference between the true friends & the ones who are not. prayers for you & lauren that she will clean up & come home.hugs,

obsessed

I have already told my family I will not be at any of the Christmas stuff this year. I just can't look at any of them, I feel so jealous of them!!

marle

I won't tell you to go anyway because for the last couple of years, I have felt the same way. This Christmas I feel like celebrating the holidays, so I will just send you some hugs and tell you that it can get better. Keep taking care of you. Hugs, Marle

sleepygoat

I still do that ("Leah would have loved this...[place, thing, movie]". and then I think, "Well, when she gets clean I'll take her here."

it's incredible how much money they can find each day, and wake up broke without a pot to **** in. But I think cooking and dealing is in some ways safer than the alternatives (work in the sex trades).

Praying for you!

Spiritual Seeker

(((((((Deanna))))))))- It sounds like your life is being neg. impacted in all ways by your daughter's addicton. Hopefully you can get your life back to a place of joy regardless of her use. During the early and worst part of knowing my son was an addict I was devastated too. But I did continue to go to the family + friend's holiday gatherings bec I know it is imp. to build the relationships with my nieces, step kids, etc. bec the reality is that my son just isn't reliable to be counted on during the holidays or any time for that matter. I decided to put some energy where there is a return. Be careful with isolation. getting out is at least good to get your mind of AD.