Easeful

Our AS is still a little over half way across the country, scheduled to start home on Sun. He had said he would call today and let me know what the Dr. said. He never called.

Just before 5:00pm a youngish sounding girl called from the cell phone store in our old home city. She said our son had been there and she was concerned and wanted to call and let us know. He had come in with his cell phone (it’s on our family account) destroyed by water. She tried to talk him into buying a new phone and making a call to his Dad to amend the plan. He refused. He wanted to take care of this himself and purchased a prepaid phone. Yeah for the taking care of things without calling Mom!! Even if it was a ridiculously expensive solution, he worked through it.

She was concerned because when she asked for a home phone number he told her he was homeless and living in his car (this is the kid who left his dorm last Fri. to spend a week with friends before coming home for Christmas). She said he said he had to call a friend and kept clutching his chest. He has had chronic lung problems, including repeated bouts of pneumonia which he was supposed to see the Dr. for yesterday (see Dr. Visit thread). The girl from the cell phone store gave me the phone number for the “throw down” phone.

So here I sit. I’ve got dozens of friends in our old home town I could call. I’ve got a page of 20 or 30 numbers of the kid’s and their parents that our son hung out with when we lived there. And I’ve got the new cell phone number that might actually connect to him.

I’m fairly sure the girl was urgently trying to get across the message that clutching his chest and talking about calling a friend were very alarming signs. And by friend she may have meant "supplier."

In my head, I’ve got vision of the fact that his car registration and driver’s license will not lead anyone directly to us any time soon. His cell phone is dead, so chances are good he doesn’t even know our phone numbers, having relied on the cell phone directory for so long. (the only reason I even know his old # myself is because I learned it before phones became so sophisticated). Certainly the ICE contact that I had him enter into his directory won’t be available to emergency personnel now that that phone is water logged.

What I do know….he knows the same people there that I do. He knows who will help him if he asks. He has lots of ways to get in touch with us even if he doesn’t remember the numbers, IF he can think straight enough to use them This kid’s IQ is higher than mine, he’s capable, he's an Eagle Scout. He knows his old Dr.’s name and where our old church is.

And so, what did I do? I thanked the girl profusely for her concern and consideration and went outside and got in the hot tub to watch the end of the sunset and turn my only birth child over to my HP. Right now, I don’t plan to do anything else.

On the other hand, I feel fairly certain that if my son should die in this episode, the guilt and sadness will kill me as well.

Elana

Just letting you know that I am thinking of you.

I would hope that you would realize.. that your HP would show you.. that there is nothing you can do. Regardless of the outcome, you cannot and could not control any of it.

Step one: Admit we are powerless over the addict and our lives are out of control.

Sending prayers.

Easeful

Thank you Elana. I know you're right. I have to believe you're right. But this feels like dying to me. I'm honestly not being overly dramatic when I say I don't know where or how I'll find the will to draw the next breath. But I've read enough, heard enough to believe that this is the only possible solution.

mooselips

(((Easeful)))
Hugs to you.
I remember those feelings all too well. It takes alot of strength and hope to get through these tough times of the not knowing, and not really wanting to know, yet....deep inside praying he's safe.


Hugs to you,
Hopefully he'll call, and let you know all is okay....

lostparent

Just wanted to send some prayers your way.

sleepygoat

I have so been there, so done that. I remember last May when I hired the private eye to find my Ad. I also provided him with three pre-paid cell phones to give each of his agents on the case to give to her along with my phone and cell phone and work # (in case she no longer remembered them). ( They never actually found her, but I was able to find her the next week from leads they provided.) I worried a lot about her not having ID (which, in fact, she didn't - it was all lost) and that if she died, no one would be able to ID the body and contact me. I worried about her health, her asthma, her drug use and what if she dies of a heart attack, infection, hypothermia, heat stroke, stabbing, shooting, strangling, overdose, bad bag of dope, - so many terrible ways to suffer on the streets.

I forgot how resourceful addicts are, though. She continues to survive and she always seems to remember what she needs to remember. so will your son.

good for you for giving yourself the gift of the rest of the day instead of staying stuck in fear. Some days are better than others that way for me. Over time, I think we all will get better at this.

Ann

Good for you for not accepting the invitation to the front row seat of the drama.

Something I thought of, if this wet phone is on your account? Maybe you want to cancel it. Years ago my son "lost" my phone and it cost me over $800 in calls before I was done sorting that mess out.

I miss my son today, but I sure don't miss the chaos.

Hugs