Easeful

[B]My 20 year old, AS is visiting our old home town some 1,400 miles away. He called today to say that he was going to his old Dr. and asking questions about the insurance co., copays etc. He's been having some problems with a chronic illness and these are the Dr.s that treated him in the past. I answered his questions and told him to call me back and let me know how the Dr. thought he was doing.

Four hours later he did. He didn't go. His words, "Mom, I made a bad decision." Mom's interpretation, "I blew off the appointment to get high (or in Mom's more codie behavior......I blew off the appointment to do something more fun.) And then, "I left late, got caught in traffic and got lost. All of this is true." Mom's version, "yes, those things may be true. Other things you didn't say, may also be true. People who are stoned may find it difficult to perform some of the most mundane of tasks."

Mom's response, "Sorry to hear that you made a bad decision. Bad decisions can result in bad outcomes. I hope you don't get sicker. Call me if you have any news." Him...... lots and lots of I love yous. Lots of aren't you glad I called to let you know. And finally, I'll go tomorrow. Me.....I hope they'll agree to see you again. Most professionals don't appreciate getting blown off. Let me know what they say. I love you too. Bye."

::sigh:: Those of you who've done the work....how'd I do?

marle

You did good. You put the ball right back in his court, where it is supposed to be. Hugs, Marle

Spiritual Seeker

YOU did just AMAZING !! It never ceases to amaze me the things they will avoid, neglect, ignore, forget, refuse, etc. My son was sober a couple of months and beginning to take care of things. He has been progressively relapsing lately and the most obvious symptom is that he is ignoring any thing to do with responsibility.
I am learning that no matter how many times I remind my son of what he should do to avoid the inevitable consequence he will look me in the eye and tell me he has made arrangements knowing he hasn't and that he cares less abt. any conseq. It is only I that care. My son has refused to appear for a speeding ticket citation from Aug. Today a warrant arrived with $7500 bail.
Believe me I will not get involved. I haven't seen him in a week bec I've been out of town. Thanks for the reminder "I pledge not to remind him of anything when I see him" I will just watch the impending train wreck.
Hard to do but we know that is the only option.

Wascally Wabbit

This is what recovery is all about! Keep up the good work. It gets easier with each time you remember to "keep your hands off the addict"!

mooselips

Your recovery is shining!

Lobo

Wow! You really did good. Not even a lecture. I am so good at giving lectures. That is where I run into trouble.

Keep up the good work. I need to take some pointers from you.

sleepygoat

You did good. Better than me, i think. After walking out of the last two doctors appts I made for my AD and took her to - (always with rediculous excuses) today I gave her the phone number and left it that!

Ann

Well done, Easeful. His bad choice = his consequence.

Love the addict, hate the disease.

Hugs

Easeful

>I will just watch the impending train wreck.
<

This phrase kind of punched me in the stomach. "Oh no, I don't want to watch a train wreck, I've got to do something." Followed nearly immediately by, "I have no more power to prevent this than I do a real runaway train. And the sooner the wreck happens the sooner the people who know what they're doing can get in and begin the clean up." ::sigh:: It's hard though.

Easeful

Thanks to all, I need the validation. You see I've got this flashing neon sign in my head that goes, "Bad Mom, Bad Mom." How could I possibly let this happen to my child? But again, how could I possibly stop it? Nothing I've tried in the last 5 years has changed his course for any length of time if at all.

Ann

We're not bad moms, we're moms facing a bad problem and I think we do darn well.

Allowing a grown child to make and keep their own medical and dental appointments without our interference, and letting them face the consequences of missing and re-booking...that's what mothers of adults do. We're just a little out of practice, lol.

Hugs

hope213

you did great! you are not a bad mom. you are a mom learning to take care of her self & accepting the things you can not change.

greeteachday

So true...It sounds like the slogan for Moms of SA's

Easeful...no letting guilt hit you...you did great and you let him face his own responsibilities I find it easier to not do the guilt thing when i realize I am helping by not helping. Hugs

caileesnana

Good job, better than me! Like Lobo, I still fall into trying to talk/lecture/Advise...all bad!!