life with an addict wife
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 7
life with an addict wife
My wife and I have been together for 9 years. I'm 31 and she is 30. We are both have technology careers. I'm in engineering and she is in sales. We both make six-figure salaries, have two wonderful kids, boy 6years and girl 6months. To a lot of people we probably look like the perfect family.
My wife has been addicted to prescription painkillers since 2002. In 2004 I discovered a scary amount of prescription pill bottles in her stuff... vicodin, hydrocodone, hydromorphone, morphine sulfate, klonopin, xanax, tylenol codeine, etc. She agreed to stop and did after a few months. I monitored her intake and helped taper her off it. I thought that all was well. Work took me out of town every week for about 6 months. Our relationship started to deteriorate, so at the end of 2004 I got a job making less money closer to home.
In 2005 I discovered dozens of empty hydrocodone and norco bottles hidden under the bathroom sink - prescriptions were from about 6 different doctors. She refused to stop. I sent letters to all the pharmacies and doctors and included pictures of the pill bottles. She was up to 25-30 pills/day of hydro and norco then. In March 2005 I filed for divorce and full custody of our son. We were separated for about 6 months before she tapered off the drugs and we reconciled.
In 2006 I thought that everything was going great. Our relationship was doing great. We bought a house and she became pregnant. Our daughter was born in May 2007. At this point my mother-in-law started hanging around more often.
My mother-in-law basically was a drifter, on permanent SSI/disability, ex-meth-maker, ex-meth addict and alcoholic. She would basically drift from assisted living, in/out of hospitals, treatment centers, and mental wards.
Her mom started staying a week at a time at our house after the baby was born... I was OK with this because mother-in-law seemed to be acting normal and was helping out around the house. I hoped that she would improve her life by being around "normal" people. This was about May/June 2007.
I noticed behavior changes in my wife: talking a lot, sweating, repeating her conversations. Also, what I call "motor mouthing" or "zooming"... where she talks and doesn't wait for a response and gets angry/annoyed when you haven't replied, but she hasn't paused in order to allow you to respond. I asked her if she was on anything but she said no, and became very upset and indignant that I could suggest such a thing. Typical remarks that would follow would be "control freak", "making a big deal over nothing", "over reacting", etc.
Sometime in September I discovered that my wife was getting the norco's from her mom. Her mom was basically funneling her norco supply to my wife as a "favor" or maybe a control thing. Her mother was also a HUGE prescription pill "enthusiast" - When wife's mom would come stay at our house she had a duffle bad full of prescription meds... this bag was bigger than the bag that held her clothes.
In November her mom couldn't pay the rent at the place she was living so she was evicted. My wife went and got all her stuff and moved it into our garage. Her mom was allegedly going to stay at our house temporarily, just for a few weeks until she found a new place. I was very against it, but I didn't think there was much I could do about it. I started looking for rooms for my mother-in-law to rent in order to get her out of our house ASAP. Mean while, my wife was starting to be obviously HIGH on drugs more often... doing more of her "motor-mouthing" and "zooming" behavior.
Her mom literally just slept on our couch, didn't do anything but take all her pills and medicine, drink diet coke, and watch reruns of ER & CSI on TV.
One evening her mom was completely out-of-it... walking around like a zombie, talking but not making any sense - it was really creepy. I told my wife to take her mom to the ER, but wife, ultra-high on the pills, took it as a personal attack on her and refused, saying I was being a control freak and making a big deal about nothing.
We found her mom dead on our couch the next morning. This was Nov 9th. We are still waiting on the autopsy report on cause of death, but I suspect her mom mixed something she wasn't supposed to. Also, I later found an empty bottle of rum and empty bottle of vodka that had been full a few weeks before her mom passed... I'm guessing her mom had been drinking the rum along with all her other meds. My wife also discovered that her mom only had $13 in her bank account and her mom had taken out a lot of money the previous month - I can only assume what the money was spent on.
In the past few weeks I learned that my wife started buying Norco's from some "friends" of her mother's. I insisted she get treatment for the addiction. I learned about a drug called Suboxone that is supposed to taper off addicts, similar to methadone, but less addictive. She reluctantly started treatment yesterday. I'm hoping for the best. For me, this really is the last straw. If this does not work, I don't think I can remain married to an addict. But I'm torn because I really want my kids to have a normal, functioning 2 parent family. I don't want to "give up" on my marriage but at the same time, I don't want what I have in my life right now.
I absolutely HATE drugs. I hate drugs so much I won't even take an aspirin. I have never really been around addiction up until this whole thing. Man it really sucks.
My wife has been addicted to prescription painkillers since 2002. In 2004 I discovered a scary amount of prescription pill bottles in her stuff... vicodin, hydrocodone, hydromorphone, morphine sulfate, klonopin, xanax, tylenol codeine, etc. She agreed to stop and did after a few months. I monitored her intake and helped taper her off it. I thought that all was well. Work took me out of town every week for about 6 months. Our relationship started to deteriorate, so at the end of 2004 I got a job making less money closer to home.
In 2005 I discovered dozens of empty hydrocodone and norco bottles hidden under the bathroom sink - prescriptions were from about 6 different doctors. She refused to stop. I sent letters to all the pharmacies and doctors and included pictures of the pill bottles. She was up to 25-30 pills/day of hydro and norco then. In March 2005 I filed for divorce and full custody of our son. We were separated for about 6 months before she tapered off the drugs and we reconciled.
In 2006 I thought that everything was going great. Our relationship was doing great. We bought a house and she became pregnant. Our daughter was born in May 2007. At this point my mother-in-law started hanging around more often.
My mother-in-law basically was a drifter, on permanent SSI/disability, ex-meth-maker, ex-meth addict and alcoholic. She would basically drift from assisted living, in/out of hospitals, treatment centers, and mental wards.
Her mom started staying a week at a time at our house after the baby was born... I was OK with this because mother-in-law seemed to be acting normal and was helping out around the house. I hoped that she would improve her life by being around "normal" people. This was about May/June 2007.
I noticed behavior changes in my wife: talking a lot, sweating, repeating her conversations. Also, what I call "motor mouthing" or "zooming"... where she talks and doesn't wait for a response and gets angry/annoyed when you haven't replied, but she hasn't paused in order to allow you to respond. I asked her if she was on anything but she said no, and became very upset and indignant that I could suggest such a thing. Typical remarks that would follow would be "control freak", "making a big deal over nothing", "over reacting", etc.
Sometime in September I discovered that my wife was getting the norco's from her mom. Her mom was basically funneling her norco supply to my wife as a "favor" or maybe a control thing. Her mother was also a HUGE prescription pill "enthusiast" - When wife's mom would come stay at our house she had a duffle bad full of prescription meds... this bag was bigger than the bag that held her clothes.
In November her mom couldn't pay the rent at the place she was living so she was evicted. My wife went and got all her stuff and moved it into our garage. Her mom was allegedly going to stay at our house temporarily, just for a few weeks until she found a new place. I was very against it, but I didn't think there was much I could do about it. I started looking for rooms for my mother-in-law to rent in order to get her out of our house ASAP. Mean while, my wife was starting to be obviously HIGH on drugs more often... doing more of her "motor-mouthing" and "zooming" behavior.
Her mom literally just slept on our couch, didn't do anything but take all her pills and medicine, drink diet coke, and watch reruns of ER & CSI on TV.
One evening her mom was completely out-of-it... walking around like a zombie, talking but not making any sense - it was really creepy. I told my wife to take her mom to the ER, but wife, ultra-high on the pills, took it as a personal attack on her and refused, saying I was being a control freak and making a big deal about nothing.
We found her mom dead on our couch the next morning. This was Nov 9th. We are still waiting on the autopsy report on cause of death, but I suspect her mom mixed something she wasn't supposed to. Also, I later found an empty bottle of rum and empty bottle of vodka that had been full a few weeks before her mom passed... I'm guessing her mom had been drinking the rum along with all her other meds. My wife also discovered that her mom only had $13 in her bank account and her mom had taken out a lot of money the previous month - I can only assume what the money was spent on.
In the past few weeks I learned that my wife started buying Norco's from some "friends" of her mother's. I insisted she get treatment for the addiction. I learned about a drug called Suboxone that is supposed to taper off addicts, similar to methadone, but less addictive. She reluctantly started treatment yesterday. I'm hoping for the best. For me, this really is the last straw. If this does not work, I don't think I can remain married to an addict. But I'm torn because I really want my kids to have a normal, functioning 2 parent family. I don't want to "give up" on my marriage but at the same time, I don't want what I have in my life right now.
I absolutely HATE drugs. I hate drugs so much I won't even take an aspirin. I have never really been around addiction up until this whole thing. Man it really sucks.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
((((alpinex))))
Wow I mean welcome...It sounds pretty tough around your house these days. It really does suck especially the part where we get sucked in to all this stuff.
I hate dope too. My H uses crack and I hate what it does to him and to our relationship.
You need help too so I hope you stick around and let us get to know you.
Wow I mean welcome...It sounds pretty tough around your house these days. It really does suck especially the part where we get sucked in to all this stuff.
I hate dope too. My H uses crack and I hate what it does to him and to our relationship.
You need help too so I hope you stick around and let us get to know you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
alpinex,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds as if you have set the boundary: you must stick to this, or I'm gone. I'm glad and relieved, after reading your story. I'm amazed you have been survived this long..... How is your six-year-old doing? Is he safe? Is the baby safe with her?
Hugs to you, hoping this works. Protect yourself and your kids.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds as if you have set the boundary: you must stick to this, or I'm gone. I'm glad and relieved, after reading your story. I'm amazed you have been survived this long..... How is your six-year-old doing? Is he safe? Is the baby safe with her?
Hugs to you, hoping this works. Protect yourself and your kids.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 7
Thanks for the replies. It makes me feel better to get this off my chest. I don't really have anyone I can talked to about this.
As far as the kids being safe, I don't think that she would do anything to intentionally hurt them.
However, I recently found out that she was breast-feeding our daughter when she was taking norcos... and has admitted to taking some while pregnant... and her mom was giving them to her at the time. When I confronted her about this before she told me that hydrocodone is not passed through breast milk... but I recently learned that it is.
The baby seems fine, although she did have a hard time sleeping through the night in the weeks after she stopped breast-feeding. I don't know if that's a normal thing or not.
Our whole life seems just crazy and abnormal to me... but when I say stuff like this to her... like "don't you think there is something wrong going on here?" she says I'm over-reacting and that my parents brain-washed me into thinking that everything should be perfect.... and she says that my childhood, without any drugs or addiction, was abnormal.
As far as the kids being safe, I don't think that she would do anything to intentionally hurt them.
However, I recently found out that she was breast-feeding our daughter when she was taking norcos... and has admitted to taking some while pregnant... and her mom was giving them to her at the time. When I confronted her about this before she told me that hydrocodone is not passed through breast milk... but I recently learned that it is.
The baby seems fine, although she did have a hard time sleeping through the night in the weeks after she stopped breast-feeding. I don't know if that's a normal thing or not.
Our whole life seems just crazy and abnormal to me... but when I say stuff like this to her... like "don't you think there is something wrong going on here?" she says I'm over-reacting and that my parents brain-washed me into thinking that everything should be perfect.... and she says that my childhood, without any drugs or addiction, was abnormal.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Your wife is just doing and saying what addicts do and say. Sorry to say. Read some of the other threads, and especially the "Stickies" at the top. It is ALWAYS our fault. We are ALWAYS overreacting, not trusting, being control freaks, blah blah blah blah. That's the twisted perception of an addict. Don't take it personally, and do what you know in your heart is right.
She may also not do anything intentional to harm your children, but if she's bombed out of her mind half the day (not saying she is) she's putting them in danger. The thought that your baby might have been born with a low-grade opiate dependency just gives me chills. I don't know the science that exists about these factors contributing or not contributing to addictive personalities in the children later in life. You may wish to research that, for your own peace of mind.
I have no great wisdom to share....just support, hugs, and hope that you will one day have the stable family you desire, with or without your wife. Do what is right and safe for you and the kids --
p.s. there is no "normal". I have lived on both sides of that fence and can say that people & families are all different ways, all over the board. YOU have to choose the way you want to live. With addiction? Without it?
She may also not do anything intentional to harm your children, but if she's bombed out of her mind half the day (not saying she is) she's putting them in danger. The thought that your baby might have been born with a low-grade opiate dependency just gives me chills. I don't know the science that exists about these factors contributing or not contributing to addictive personalities in the children later in life. You may wish to research that, for your own peace of mind.
I have no great wisdom to share....just support, hugs, and hope that you will one day have the stable family you desire, with or without your wife. Do what is right and safe for you and the kids --
p.s. there is no "normal". I have lived on both sides of that fence and can say that people & families are all different ways, all over the board. YOU have to choose the way you want to live. With addiction? Without it?
Content with my past
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 643
I am sorry that you have to go thru all of this. I am a recovering addict of pain pills also and have and still have a successful career. I know from my perspective, she has to want it. If she is only doing this to make you happy, she might end up using again so prepare yourself. I also understand that you want to keep your family intack but if she doesn't stay clean, you know that the kids would be healthier without that type of lifestyle. Because it will get worse, it always does. Just hang in there and let her know that this is it, she has to do this or else. Keep posting, this is a great place to get good advice and support. You are not alone, we have all been there in one aspect or another.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 103
Alpinex - I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. My husband is a cocaine addict and alcoholic. Addicts live in an altered state of reality and their disease prevents them from seeing what's really going on so that they can continue using. One would think that the death of the mother in law would be a wake up call for your wife.
I'll be saying prayers that she will whole heartedly seek treatment.
Please take care of yourself.
I'll be saying prayers that she will whole heartedly seek treatment.
Please take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by alpinex 
She reluctantly started treatment yesterday. I'm hoping for the best. For me, this really is the last straw. If this does not work, I don't think I can remain married to an addict. But I'm torn because I really want my kids to have a normal, functioning 2 parent family. I don't want to "give up" on my marriage but at the same time, I don't want what I have in my life right now.
I absolutely HATE drugs. I hate drugs so much I won't even take an aspirin. I have never really been around addiction up until this whole thing. Man it really sucks.
I absolutely HATE drugs. I hate drugs so much I won't even take an aspirin. I have never really been around addiction up until this whole thing. Man it really sucks.
Welcome to SR.
Our stories sound eerily similar.
My exhusband started using heroin when our son was about 3 years old. It took me almost a year to figure out what the problem was.
I went thru alot with my exah...
The tapering...
failed attempts at rehab (twice)
Methadone...
I stayed for almost 3 years. I stayed for the same reason you cite...because I wanted our son to have a normal 2 parent family. Oh...man...I wanted this so bad that I overlooked alot of really crazy things in order to try and make it work.
I forced my exah into rehab twice with threats that I would leave him. I think I meant it when I said it...but I stayed even when he went back out and used almost immediately after getting out. He always sounded so sincere...like he REALLY wanted to quit...He was full of promises...And I kind of believed him and yet, deep down, I knew he was lying to my face about it...I lived in denial because I didn't want to 'break the family up'.
What I learned...is that there was nothing I could do or say that would make my exah stop using drugs one minute sooner than he was ready.
He wouldn't quit until HE was ready...it has to be on their time-line...and for their own reasons or else it won't stick because getting off and staying off of drugs is really, really tough.
After several years of living in the insanity, I realized that my son didn't have a 'normal 2 parent home'... Sure...he had two parents in the home but we were both pretty sick. He was sick with addiction and I was sick with worry, stress, and depression.
One day, when I couldn't take another minute of living that way, I left with our son.
My exah and I have been divorced for a little over two years now. It wasn't until about a year ago that he really tried to recover. (I don't think he's using drugs anymore...although he doesn't work a program or anything...he just seems to be 'white-knuckling' it but thats okay...whatever works for him, I guess). Although he loaded on the guilt trips at the time I left, he now freely admits that he'd probably still be out there doing heroin and God knows what else if I hadn't left him alone to deal with his addiction alone.
I certainly don't know what the answer is for you...
For me, just knowing that there were others out there who had gone thru something similar was such a relief to me. My exah and I looked like a perfect family from the outside too and it got so tiring and stressful trying to carry on the facade of 'normalness'... It was nice to have a place where I could come and be truthful with others (most especially myself) about what was really going on.
Welcome again...I hope you stick around...
Survivor
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 149
I also want to say how sad I am that you are dealing with this....but if I may be blunt, your story scares the dickens out of me.....scares me for your children....bad things do happen to young children when left in the care of an active addict...intenteional or not, it really doesn't matter....the children must be protected......I certainly will not or should not tell you what you should do....all I ask is if you are going to stay in this relationship, take special precautions with your children......
your statement I really want my kids to have a normal, functioning 2 parent family. is not possible, my opinion only, when one of the parents is a addict and in denial......
your statement I really want my kids to have a normal, functioning 2 parent family. is not possible, my opinion only, when one of the parents is a addict and in denial......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am sorry your wife is an addict. i am sorry about your mother in law.we have lost so many from addiction. death, prison & just being lost in there addiction takes our love ones away.we all here have an addict in our life we love. welcome to S.R. i am glad you found us. the addict in my life is my son. i know how it hurts but you can do nothing to stop her from using. i hope rehab helps her. she has got to really want to get clean & stay clean for her to make it. they have the help there but she has to accept it. it is bad situation for kids to live with an addict is not a normal life. i hope you keep coming back here, there is alot of information. read around & see if you can find a naronon meeting for yourself.your wifes addiction is her addiction. take care of you & your children.prayers for you,your wife & your children.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((Alpinex)))))))))
So sorry for all that your dealing with. My son is the addict
in my life. For now, he's doing very well.
It took a long time for that to happen, though.
It doesn't happen until they are ready to stop.
My son went to detox, twice. Methadone clinic, twice.
Psychiatric hospital, twice. Jail, once, thank God.
After jail, he drank alcohol. You'd think that would
be easier to deal with after the heroin, (iv) but it wasn't.
I found soberrecovery in 2005. It saved me, coming here.
I learned so much about addiction, enabling, detaching, ect.
I'm glad you found your way here. Keep coming back.
Also, if you could find an alanon or naranon meeting in your
area to attend, you should go. Being around others who've.
been there helps so much.
Sending prayers out to you and your family.
So sorry for all that your dealing with. My son is the addict
in my life. For now, he's doing very well.
It took a long time for that to happen, though.
It doesn't happen until they are ready to stop.
My son went to detox, twice. Methadone clinic, twice.
Psychiatric hospital, twice. Jail, once, thank God.
After jail, he drank alcohol. You'd think that would
be easier to deal with after the heroin, (iv) but it wasn't.
I found soberrecovery in 2005. It saved me, coming here.
I learned so much about addiction, enabling, detaching, ect.
I'm glad you found your way here. Keep coming back.
Also, if you could find an alanon or naranon meeting in your
area to attend, you should go. Being around others who've.
been there helps so much.
Sending prayers out to you and your family.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
What a terrible thing to happen. I am sorry you have to go through all this.
I learned that nothing I could do would make the addicts in my life quit or even get help. No amount of money, gifts, food or a welcome in to my home helped.
I hate drugs too. It ruins lives and if we, the family of the addicted don't get help for ourselves, it will drag us right down with them.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Have you been to an alanon or naranon meeting? It would be tremendously helpful to you, plus, you'd find a great support group.
Keep doing what ever you need to do to maintain your sanity.
I learned that nothing I could do would make the addicts in my life quit or even get help. No amount of money, gifts, food or a welcome in to my home helped.
I hate drugs too. It ruins lives and if we, the family of the addicted don't get help for ourselves, it will drag us right down with them.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. Have you been to an alanon or naranon meeting? It would be tremendously helpful to you, plus, you'd find a great support group.
Keep doing what ever you need to do to maintain your sanity.
'Round and 'Round I Go....
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 478
I'm not here to tell you what to do or even try to convince you. I'm just here to tell you my story....maybe it will help and maybe it won't. Take what you want and leave the rest behind.
It is so easy to get lost in our loved one's addiction. I call it the merry go round effect. When drawn in, we have a tendency to go round and round trying all sorts of different "remedies, strategies, tactics..." and never really getting anywhere except in a world of frustration because while we try to battle their disease they are feeding it what it needs. We get so deep into their world that when we want off this ride we either forget how to jump off or we're too afraid to.
My exah went to rehab twice, outpatients, meetings, behavioral therapist and I stuck by him for about 4 years in our marriage during all of this. I felt like I went through he** and back emotionally. Physically...the stress of it all caused so many health problems for me. No...there is no such thing as true "normalcy" but there is such a thing as a life without addiction and drugs and the chaos that follows with it.
During those four years I threatened to leave...threatened to kick him out....threatened divorce.... Four years filled with empty threats. As a reward he gave me empty promises. He did the stints at rehab, outpatient, etc... to please me because I gave ultimatums. Instead the 28 days in rehab turned into what seemed like, to him, 28 days of vacation at camp. Ultimatums don't work. They need to want it themselves.
Even after the divorce he was still using heavily. He went from creating havoc in my life to creating havoc in his parents and sisters lives. It wasn't until..... he used so much one day that he felt his heart palpitating like it was going to beat right out of his chest, he felt like if he did any more he would go into cardiac arrest and die, (he's a cocaine/crack addict, by the way)... it wasn't until all of that coupled with the fact that what should've been a 10 minute walk home turned into a 30-45 min. walk home because his body simply would not do as he asked....that he decided - for himself - that he needs to stop. He truly believed that he was knocking on death's door that day. The point I'm making is, yes...you try because you're her husband and you love her but the fact of the matter is...you can't do for her what she has to do for herself. You can't convince her to do what is right anymore than I can convince you to do anything. I do hope that she gets something out of the rehab. I always hope that every addict gets it the first time around.
Please watch out for your kids and watch out for yourself. Keep yourself and your kids safe. You don't want something to happen to your kids before you say...I shouldn't have left them with her....and it doesn't have to be intentional....something could simply happen if she falls asleep because she's coming down from a high. Her reactions to things won't be as quick and sharp while high on anything.
Wishing you peace.
It is so easy to get lost in our loved one's addiction. I call it the merry go round effect. When drawn in, we have a tendency to go round and round trying all sorts of different "remedies, strategies, tactics..." and never really getting anywhere except in a world of frustration because while we try to battle their disease they are feeding it what it needs. We get so deep into their world that when we want off this ride we either forget how to jump off or we're too afraid to.
My exah went to rehab twice, outpatients, meetings, behavioral therapist and I stuck by him for about 4 years in our marriage during all of this. I felt like I went through he** and back emotionally. Physically...the stress of it all caused so many health problems for me. No...there is no such thing as true "normalcy" but there is such a thing as a life without addiction and drugs and the chaos that follows with it.
During those four years I threatened to leave...threatened to kick him out....threatened divorce.... Four years filled with empty threats. As a reward he gave me empty promises. He did the stints at rehab, outpatient, etc... to please me because I gave ultimatums. Instead the 28 days in rehab turned into what seemed like, to him, 28 days of vacation at camp. Ultimatums don't work. They need to want it themselves.
Even after the divorce he was still using heavily. He went from creating havoc in my life to creating havoc in his parents and sisters lives. It wasn't until..... he used so much one day that he felt his heart palpitating like it was going to beat right out of his chest, he felt like if he did any more he would go into cardiac arrest and die, (he's a cocaine/crack addict, by the way)... it wasn't until all of that coupled with the fact that what should've been a 10 minute walk home turned into a 30-45 min. walk home because his body simply would not do as he asked....that he decided - for himself - that he needs to stop. He truly believed that he was knocking on death's door that day. The point I'm making is, yes...you try because you're her husband and you love her but the fact of the matter is...you can't do for her what she has to do for herself. You can't convince her to do what is right anymore than I can convince you to do anything. I do hope that she gets something out of the rehab. I always hope that every addict gets it the first time around.
Please watch out for your kids and watch out for yourself. Keep yourself and your kids safe. You don't want something to happen to your kids before you say...I shouldn't have left them with her....and it doesn't have to be intentional....something could simply happen if she falls asleep because she's coming down from a high. Her reactions to things won't be as quick and sharp while high on anything.
Wishing you peace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Northern California
Posts: 7
Thanks for the responses. It does really mean a lot to me. I'm not used to people saying "I'm sorry for what you are going through..."... I'm guy and we (at least my friends), don't really say that kind of thing. The last time I went through this and filed divorce before she stopped using, I didn't talk to anyone. I just kind of toughed it out, and it really tore me up emotionally.
Givelove, thanks for the bit about "she's just doing what addicts do". I went through that again tonight... the whole verbal tirade about me being a control freak, not caring about her, about me having issues for being so "hung up" on her addiction, and basically doing everything she could to make me feel bad about myself and make it seem like it was my fault. In the back of my mind I recalled that tidbit of info you wrote and to not "take it personally". It gave me some emotional strength that I haven't experienced before. Also, for the first time I really saw the ADDICT speaking... and I realized that the person in front of me was not the person I married. It was a liberating, yet devastating epiphany. I think it will take me some time to really internalize this. I almost feel right now like I just learned that a friend died like 6 months ago.
I almost think that she is worse on the Suboxone. It was day 3, and she was quite angry in general... although she was noticing things that she normally didn't when taking the Norco's... like she was unhappy with her hair cut, or the couches were pushed out of place... things she just didn't care about a week ago. It was difficult to tell if this was just angry or WD or if it was from some new found clarity.
I'm absolutely going to protect my kids. I'm not leaving her with them in the house, and I will not allow her to move out with them. I'm not considering divorce right now, but if it comes down to keeping her from fleeing with the kids, I'll absolutely be moving fast on that.
I want to give this new treatment some time to kick in. She really likes the doctor and the treatment plan he has for her. I'm hoping she gets enough clarity on the suboxone and therapy that she decides to turn things around for herself. I realize I cannot do this for her. Thanks for all the heart-felt words and advice. I will keep you posted on the progress.
Givelove, thanks for the bit about "she's just doing what addicts do". I went through that again tonight... the whole verbal tirade about me being a control freak, not caring about her, about me having issues for being so "hung up" on her addiction, and basically doing everything she could to make me feel bad about myself and make it seem like it was my fault. In the back of my mind I recalled that tidbit of info you wrote and to not "take it personally". It gave me some emotional strength that I haven't experienced before. Also, for the first time I really saw the ADDICT speaking... and I realized that the person in front of me was not the person I married. It was a liberating, yet devastating epiphany. I think it will take me some time to really internalize this. I almost feel right now like I just learned that a friend died like 6 months ago.
I almost think that she is worse on the Suboxone. It was day 3, and she was quite angry in general... although she was noticing things that she normally didn't when taking the Norco's... like she was unhappy with her hair cut, or the couches were pushed out of place... things she just didn't care about a week ago. It was difficult to tell if this was just angry or WD or if it was from some new found clarity.
I'm absolutely going to protect my kids. I'm not leaving her with them in the house, and I will not allow her to move out with them. I'm not considering divorce right now, but if it comes down to keeping her from fleeing with the kids, I'll absolutely be moving fast on that.
I want to give this new treatment some time to kick in. She really likes the doctor and the treatment plan he has for her. I'm hoping she gets enough clarity on the suboxone and therapy that she decides to turn things around for herself. I realize I cannot do this for her. Thanks for all the heart-felt words and advice. I will keep you posted on the progress.
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