Just how fast things change:(
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
You're right marle, she's hurting and wants to share the pain. I went through this with my alcoholic mother. As a young girl she would tell me she hated me. She threw a glass of whiskey in my face once too that burned my eyes.
It really was about all the pain she felt in her own heart that she projected on to me. She hated herself like so many of them do, and had to make someone else (me) feel hated too,.
I know that now. I didn't know that then. You can imagine what a messed up kid I was.
She's fortunate to have a mom like you. Some day, she's going to see this. It might take a while, but she will come around with age and maturity.
Hugs to you marle. I know how painful these kind of remarks can be.
PS I just now read Anns post. How true! She doesn't really hate you, she hates herself and doesn't feel worthy of that love and wants you to take it back. Hmmm. Talk about another "eureka" moment for me.
It really was about all the pain she felt in her own heart that she projected on to me. She hated herself like so many of them do, and had to make someone else (me) feel hated too,.
I know that now. I didn't know that then. You can imagine what a messed up kid I was.
She's fortunate to have a mom like you. Some day, she's going to see this. It might take a while, but she will come around with age and maturity.
Hugs to you marle. I know how painful these kind of remarks can be.
PS I just now read Anns post. How true! She doesn't really hate you, she hates herself and doesn't feel worthy of that love and wants you to take it back. Hmmm. Talk about another "eureka" moment for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Marle)))))
Everything I could think of to say, has already been said. I'm sorry Megan hurt you, but I think you handled it very well. I do believe something is going on and the "fun" of her addiction isn't very fun right now.
Even before I became an A, I lashed out at my mom when I was having a hard time with something. Why? Because I KNEW she knew I didn't really mean what I said, and that she would still love me. Of course, I didn't know that's why I was doing it at the time. I did always know, though, that my mom was the one person I could depend on never giving up on me. My dad is the same way, but it took me a while longer to realize it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Everything I could think of to say, has already been said. I'm sorry Megan hurt you, but I think you handled it very well. I do believe something is going on and the "fun" of her addiction isn't very fun right now.
Even before I became an A, I lashed out at my mom when I was having a hard time with something. Why? Because I KNEW she knew I didn't really mean what I said, and that she would still love me. Of course, I didn't know that's why I was doing it at the time. I did always know, though, that my mom was the one person I could depend on never giving up on me. My dad is the same way, but it took me a while longer to realize it.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
'More will be revealed' is what comes to mind, and also 'this too shall pass'. For now, 'consider the source' and leave it at that for now. (Wow, I am just chock full of cliches this morning. forgive me.)
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Ah Marle,
IMO, she just said that because YOU didn't give the correct addict answer.
You were suppose to coddle, and be disappointed she wasn't coming. She maybe wanted the OLD Marle to conjole her into coming, ya think?
Of course she loves you, there's not a doubt ...
They can be hurtful sometimes....
Hugs to you, sweetie,
IMO, she just said that because YOU didn't give the correct addict answer.
You were suppose to coddle, and be disappointed she wasn't coming. She maybe wanted the OLD Marle to conjole her into coming, ya think?
Of course she loves you, there's not a doubt ...
They can be hurtful sometimes....
Hugs to you, sweetie,
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
I'm sorry Megan hurt you too, sweetie.
You'd think there was a logical explaination, but
alas, our addicted children can be far from logical.
Sending prayers that things turn out the way God intended.
In the meantime, you do something for you that doesn't involve
thinking about and worrying about her reasoning.
I love ya, Marle, and she does too.
Prayers,
You'd think there was a logical explaination, but
alas, our addicted children can be far from logical.
Sending prayers that things turn out the way God intended.
In the meantime, you do something for you that doesn't involve
thinking about and worrying about her reasoning.
I love ya, Marle, and she does too.
Prayers,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
I am back to my strong, no nonsense self today
I am going to just remember that she has a disease that has a strong mental component and that I would not expect a mentally ill person to act rationally so why should I expect her to do that. But now that I know how fast things can change with her, I think that I will avoid contact for a while. Once burned, twice shy. Of course with us codies that probably translates into a hundred times burned Thanks to all of you for being there for me. It is always nice to know that when sh*t happens there is a place where I can share some of it. Hugs, Marle
I am going to just remember that she has a disease that has a strong mental component and that I would not expect a mentally ill person to act rationally so why should I expect her to do that. But now that I know how fast things can change with her, I think that I will avoid contact for a while. Once burned, twice shy. Of course with us codies that probably translates into a hundred times burned Thanks to all of you for being there for me. It is always nice to know that when sh*t happens there is a place where I can share some of it. Hugs, Marle
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Marle))))
Glad you're feeling better today. I totally can understand how you parents feel when your A doesn't make sense. I think of the things I did and said when I was active and it made complete sense then.....now I realize my brain didn't know the meaning of the word logical back then.
My dad told me he hated me when I relapsed. Luckily, I knew that wasn't true....just like you know Megan does love you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Glad you're feeling better today. I totally can understand how you parents feel when your A doesn't make sense. I think of the things I did and said when I was active and it made complete sense then.....now I realize my brain didn't know the meaning of the word logical back then.
My dad told me he hated me when I relapsed. Luckily, I knew that wasn't true....just like you know Megan does love you.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 33
This is exactly what addicts do. I swear, it's almost predictable. If you start to show signs that you are doing OK, they say or do anything they can to throw you back off track.
Good job recognizing it for what it was. And this message board helps at times like that, doesn't it?
Good job recognizing it for what it was. And this message board helps at times like that, doesn't it?
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Just checking in bec I have 3 hours to burn at JFK waiting for a flight.
((((((((Big ol' mom hugs))))) coming your way Marle.
That was a fast arrow straight to the heart.
She is sick. The path to enlightenment takes a long long time for addicts.
But you know that one day she will get there.
You sure are loved here at SR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
((((((((Big ol' mom hugs))))) coming your way Marle.
That was a fast arrow straight to the heart.
She is sick. The path to enlightenment takes a long long time for addicts.
But you know that one day she will get there.
You sure are loved here at SR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
(((((Marle))))) I'm late in coming but just wanted to add some more mom hugs. It stinks that a big part of the symptoms of this disease is feeling bad about one's self translates into lashing out at the one most loved. I'm glad you didn't sink down in the mud. Hugs and prayers for you and Megan.
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