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My baby sister

Old 12-17-2007, 09:19 PM
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My baby sister

Hey, I'm new here and I am feeling so low, and I hate to burden people I don't know but none of my friends know what this is like and I need help. My baby sister, who's hardly a baby at 36, has just been evicted again with her alleged husband and her two kids. The last time, she lived with my parents, and they almost got divorced over the situation. I know she's used cocaine, marijuana and LSD in the past, but based on her appearance and lifestyle, I'd say the drug of choice for the last several years has been meth. My parents and my husband and I have funneled(sp) thousands of dollars into her family, mostly for the kids, and luckily, she gave the oldest to her bio dad. She denies everything, they never work or stay employed, they've been on food stamps for 10 years, what do you guys do to cope with this stuff? It's agonizing and so upsetting. I'm afraid the stress is going to shorten my mother's life, she's so riddled with responsibility and guilt. Thanks in advance.
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Old 12-17-2007, 09:27 PM
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This may sound harsh, but I was that baby sister once. And the only thing that saved me was that my family COMPLETELEY cut me off. They took my children, legally. Not as hard as it sounds. And they did not help me with anything, not even food. They had given everything for me, and I was going to lose my life. They gave me a gift, by finally not giving me anything else.

I am going through this with my son now. And I told him today I would let him be homeless before I gave him another cent, but I also let him know that as long as he would go to the clinic the hospital set up for him, I would change his oil in his car and take him to the food bank. I have enough money to help him, and this is killing me. But I want him to live, and to me, that means cutting him off................ because my parents and family cutting me off saved my life. God bless you. I promise to keep you, your sister, and family in my prayers. God does work miracles.
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Old 12-17-2007, 09:34 PM
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My younger sister is a meth addict, too. She has a daughter, almost 4 who my parents are raising. My sister is out of the house with an addict bf. They flop from house to house. Until they are ready to get help, there's nothing we can do except keep her daughter healthy and safe. My parents are looking into temporary custody of their grandchild.

What has been working for me is Nar-Anon meetings and being the best auntie I can be for my niece. My parents are financially strained and emotionally drained, too.

As I keep hearing from recovering addicts, they best thing we can do is stop helping/rescuing the addicts in our lives. They will only continue to take advantage as long as we allow them to do so.

Praying for the children involved!
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Old 12-18-2007, 09:08 AM
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My father and I can cut her off, but my Mom won't or can't or both. My parents have tried to get the children and they are going to have to try again. My sister is very good at schmoozing social services and has never been officially caught as a user, but it's the elephant in the room that everyone knows about. Thank you for your words. I have been praying and praying and that's all we have left. Thanks for your true words, I appreciate it. I feel so hard hearted towards her, so angry and yet so grief stricken, if that makes any sense. I can see that I'm rambling, this is just so difficult. So good to know I'm not alone.
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Old 12-18-2007, 10:47 PM
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Your right it is stressful living with or dealing with an addict. My daughter is the addict in my life an it's been hell. You'll find a lot of good advice here, plus it helps knowing your not alone.
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Old 12-19-2007, 07:24 AM
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(((chelliet)))
One way to get through a loved ones drug addiction, is to attend Alanon meetings. They provide a wonderful support system, and everyone there is in the same boat.

As for your mother feeling guilt, you can tell her the 3 C's we say around here:

She didn't CAUSE it,
She can't CONTROL it, and
She can't CURE it.

Maybe your mom could come online?

It's so hard when children are involved.
I no longer have a grand daughter in my life due to my sons addiction. The GF took the child and left him...(Smart girl, but sad for me..)

Hugs to you,
and prayers for your family to get custody of the children...
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Old 12-19-2007, 01:26 PM
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An idea I have heard over and over again is maybe it would help if you could talk your mom into reading over the messages on this site. Believe me, I am a mother of an AD and have now cut all ties. My AD has aged me, or should I say, I have allowed her addiction age me at least 10 years. I am slowly building myself back up but still wearing down because I have her two children. Your mom is going to do what Moms do, but if she get better educated on addiction maybe it will help...

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))
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Old 12-19-2007, 09:21 PM
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I know. My sister is no baby at 18, but she is STILL my baby sister.
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Old 12-20-2007, 04:26 AM
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welcome to S.R. my son is my addict. i gave & gave to him. i bailed him out of jail, paid for rehabs., lawyers & did everything i could to save him. until i found recovery for myself that is what i thought i was doing. today i know i was just helping him kill himself. you can not save an addict. they have to want to "swim" for themselves. you & your family can not do anything for your sister but let her fall, only then will she get up & get well. some never do. pray for her & her family & i will do the same. i am sorry for what you all are going thru. prayers, hope
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Old 12-20-2007, 07:00 AM
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I am sitting here sobbing on a Thursday morning because I am so grateful to all of you who have reached out to me. I have felt so alone and so sad and although I am surely not happy you can relate to my experiences, talking to others who are going through it does help. My parents don't even have a computer in their house, so my Mom couldn't come online, although I know she could do it if she tried. The biggest problem is I live 1200 miles away from them and so I can't engage in face-to-face conversations nearly enough. But I am going to call her and tell her what I've learned here. My parents marriage is in danger of ending over this because my father is done. They've been married almost 44 years.

I see the thank you portions at the bottom of the posts and I haven't figured out how to do that yet; but I do want to say thank you to all of you. You have no idea how much you have helped.

I figured out how to say thank you!! Hurrah!
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Old 12-20-2007, 08:19 AM
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(((((((((Chelliet)))))))))




My 26 yo son is the addict in my life. Thank God there
are no babies involved or I don't know where I'd be today.
I'm sorry for what your sister's addiction is doing to your family.
Especially mom and dad. My son's addiction almost ended my own
marriage. It takes so much for us moms to "get it".
I pray she soon sees that the enabling she's doing is not helping her
daughter, but she has to hit her own rock bottom, too. It's so hard
to let go of your child, knowing the choices they make may destroy
their life. Yet, it is their life.
I just wanted to welcome you to the group. Invite you to share, read around,
gather info to pass on to mom, and tell ya to keep comin' back.
This place saved my sanity and helped me to see what Moose said.
The 3 C's:
1. I didn't cause it.
2. I can't control it.
3. I can't cure it.
Prayers to you and your family.
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