Crisis at Christmas
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 90
Crisis at Christmas
Greetings, SR Friends,
It has been a while since I asked for support. My AS has been living with a family that took him in to provide him a chance to get clean and change his location, his friends, and his habits. My son was caught in a slip or a relapse a short while ago. He cried and said he really wanted to recover. He went on Suboxone, and I hoped he was doing better. He is back at his old habit, using drugs and abusing the hospitality of his friend. Over the last two weeks he has earned about $1000. He has no expenses to pay except for gas and food. Yet, he is out of money. Everyone close to him knows what this means.
I only cried today when two of his adult male friends called to say how sorry they were for my son and his situation. It is as though they have lost something very precious to them and they just don't understand. I, the mother of the lost one, had to console the friends.
Since the good family who offered him a chance to live and work with them cannot have an active addict in their home, they are going to ask him to leave tomorrow. He has no where to go. What are his options if he wants treatment? Keep Jonathan and our family in your prayers, please.
It has been a while since I asked for support. My AS has been living with a family that took him in to provide him a chance to get clean and change his location, his friends, and his habits. My son was caught in a slip or a relapse a short while ago. He cried and said he really wanted to recover. He went on Suboxone, and I hoped he was doing better. He is back at his old habit, using drugs and abusing the hospitality of his friend. Over the last two weeks he has earned about $1000. He has no expenses to pay except for gas and food. Yet, he is out of money. Everyone close to him knows what this means.
I only cried today when two of his adult male friends called to say how sorry they were for my son and his situation. It is as though they have lost something very precious to them and they just don't understand. I, the mother of the lost one, had to console the friends.
Since the good family who offered him a chance to live and work with them cannot have an active addict in their home, they are going to ask him to leave tomorrow. He has no where to go. What are his options if he wants treatment? Keep Jonathan and our family in your prayers, please.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
(((Guinevere))))
I know the feeling of a son relapsing. My son relapsed after being in recovery after a year. But since I have been here, I realized relapsing was not a certainty, but a possiblity.
Think of it this way, he has gained some insight and tools while he was sober, and chances are, like my son, he'll choose recovery again.
The best part, although it's hard to visualize it as good, is the family he is with, will not tolerate his using. That means he will have to make a choice soon, on which lifestyle he felt was better.
Praying he chooses sobriety....
Hugs,
I know the feeling of a son relapsing. My son relapsed after being in recovery after a year. But since I have been here, I realized relapsing was not a certainty, but a possiblity.
Think of it this way, he has gained some insight and tools while he was sober, and chances are, like my son, he'll choose recovery again.
The best part, although it's hard to visualize it as good, is the family he is with, will not tolerate his using. That means he will have to make a choice soon, on which lifestyle he felt was better.
Praying he chooses sobriety....
Hugs,
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((((Guinevere)))))))))
How are you doing, Guin?
You've been missed around here.
I'm sorry to hear that your son has relapsed.
That will happen sometimes. Hopefully, as Moose said, he
has the tools, knows what recovery feels like, and realizes
that if he doesn't stay clean he's not gonna have anyone who
will be willing to enable him. I'm sorry that this happened.
Just remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you
can't cure it. Stay in touch and get out your ol' tool belt, too.
Best way to bounce back is recovery. Find a meeting and stay strong.
All said with love and understanding,
How are you doing, Guin?
You've been missed around here.
I'm sorry to hear that your son has relapsed.
That will happen sometimes. Hopefully, as Moose said, he
has the tools, knows what recovery feels like, and realizes
that if he doesn't stay clean he's not gonna have anyone who
will be willing to enable him. I'm sorry that this happened.
Just remember you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you
can't cure it. Stay in touch and get out your ol' tool belt, too.
Best way to bounce back is recovery. Find a meeting and stay strong.
All said with love and understanding,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Hi Guinevere,
I've missed seeing you around the boards lately. I was hoping that was a good sign. I'm so sorry that Jonathan is having a rough time of it again.
Even in your crisis you sound pretty good yourself. You have come a long way. I have a feeling your son will chose recovery again. He will get there, don't give up hope. My RAD had many relapses but kept coming back. I worry about her all of the time.
He is a smart guy and he will eventually figure it out. As far as where to go, he will figure that out too. Let him learn by his mistakes.
Prayers for you and Jonathan...........Lo
I've missed seeing you around the boards lately. I was hoping that was a good sign. I'm so sorry that Jonathan is having a rough time of it again.
Even in your crisis you sound pretty good yourself. You have come a long way. I have a feeling your son will chose recovery again. He will get there, don't give up hope. My RAD had many relapses but kept coming back. I worry about her all of the time.
He is a smart guy and he will eventually figure it out. As far as where to go, he will figure that out too. Let him learn by his mistakes.
Prayers for you and Jonathan...........Lo
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Someone once said to me that when my son was losing his home and job that he was going in the right direction...towards a bottom. And it was true. He got off drugs. He may be relapsing now though 5 mos. later. We have to accept that relapse is part of the disease of addiction.
It is very disappointing, but I must say ea. time a little less so for me. My ability to detach has gotten stronger. We do get our hopes up and I am so sorry yours are being shattered yet again. I'll say a prayer that Jonathan finds his way back to a better life. In the meantime, sending you some mom hugs.
It is very disappointing, but I must say ea. time a little less so for me. My ability to detach has gotten stronger. We do get our hopes up and I am so sorry yours are being shattered yet again. I'll say a prayer that Jonathan finds his way back to a better life. In the meantime, sending you some mom hugs.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I'm right there with Mooselips, my son is in recovery and has relapsed with the tears and such, it is part of the process. With each slip up whether its a relapse or just a mistake somewhere, they learn, with each learning experience they are closer to coming HOME TO US.
prayers for your son and for you
prayers for your son and for you
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
my heart goes out to you. Yes, relapse is a part of the disease. Thank God for your recovery because it will offer you the tools that will help you to cope.
I want to share words with you that my RAH has said. His drug use started when he was 12. By the time that he was in him mid 20's he was seriously addicted. He went to many in-pt and out-pt rehabs. His family went through h*ll. Although his mother went to Alanon she continued to bail him out and offer a quasi-soft place to land. I totally understand why she did what she did but my husband will tell you that even the barest assistance allowed him to keep using. He remained in active addiction until he was 47. He has said that if everyone had left him to stand on his own that he would have been forced to confront his addiction so much sooner. Altho that is really what he didn't want to do. On a very positive note, when he finally was able to put it down, ALL of the tools that he learned along the way served him well. He knew exactly what he needed to do to make his recovery work. To this day, he has not used for 2 1/2 years and does not have any cravings or inclinations (for today). That was coming from a heavy duty 20 year crack addiction. Now what he has is a problem with living life on life's terms but that is another story. I so mean this response to bring you comfort and hope that I have not said anything that makes it worse for you. Please know that it all can come together.
Love and peace, Donna
I want to share words with you that my RAH has said. His drug use started when he was 12. By the time that he was in him mid 20's he was seriously addicted. He went to many in-pt and out-pt rehabs. His family went through h*ll. Although his mother went to Alanon she continued to bail him out and offer a quasi-soft place to land. I totally understand why she did what she did but my husband will tell you that even the barest assistance allowed him to keep using. He remained in active addiction until he was 47. He has said that if everyone had left him to stand on his own that he would have been forced to confront his addiction so much sooner. Altho that is really what he didn't want to do. On a very positive note, when he finally was able to put it down, ALL of the tools that he learned along the way served him well. He knew exactly what he needed to do to make his recovery work. To this day, he has not used for 2 1/2 years and does not have any cravings or inclinations (for today). That was coming from a heavy duty 20 year crack addiction. Now what he has is a problem with living life on life's terms but that is another story. I so mean this response to bring you comfort and hope that I have not said anything that makes it worse for you. Please know that it all can come together.
Love and peace, Donna
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hackettstown, NJ
Posts: 692
You asked for ideas for treatment. Options for treatment depend on a number of things. If he has health insurance, he just needs to call the customer service number on his card and they will direct him to facilities where they cover inpatient.
If he has no insurance, (like my daughter), its best to start with the Dept of Drug and Alcohol in his county of residence. This would be wherever he has any kind of ID. If he has a drivers license or other proof of address with your address, or the couple's address where he was staying, then he/you would call for that county. If you can't find the Dept of Drug & alcohol number, then call the number of the dept of Social Services in your/his county of residence and they will direct you.
The counties do have 'charity funding' for addicts who reside in their county to go to inpatient treatment. However, the funds are usually inadequate and run out long before the end of the year. The good news (sort of) is that most counties get all new funding come January first (mine does). If they have funding available for uninsured or indigent addicts, just ask them how the process works.
Another option is to ask each individual detox or rehab if they have 'charity care' for indigents. Some do, some don't. Those that do have specific rules or requirements. For example, they usually require proof of address, and want the addict to reside in their county. (Once when I went thru this with my AD, they told her it was OK she was homeless, but she needed to provide "proof of address" - something like a utility bill. she told them she didn't get a utility bill in the abandoned building she squatted in!. Nobody ever said this was going to be easy).
It is easier to get charity care for a short term detox than it is for a rehab or a combination detox/rehab. for my AD, the detox alone was not sufficient and she immediately relapsed.
There is the salvation army available in terms of housing but I don't think they can provide a medical detox. If its heroin, he will need one.
Another option that i know about is for him to go to Welfare (Dept. of Social Services) in his county or whatever county he has any sort of ID to match and apply for welfare. He can show up homeless, and they usually will provide emergency housing very quickly. Its not the best, of course. Its usually in the worst possible neightborhood, but its a roof and 4 walls. With the Welfare comes Medicaid. Once he is on medicaid, he is insured for most detoxes and rehabs and then just has to get on the phone and call one after another until he finds one with a bed available.
Hopefully, he still has ID. My daughter, after 18 months of crack and a year on the street, had lost her copy of her drivers license, her birth certificate, her social security card, and her High school diploma (all valid forms of ID). so she had to really scramble and came up with a W2 tax reciept. There was one place that took it. Most wanted more than that. BTW, she got kicked out anyway after 5 days, and is using still, but I gained some experience with this stuff!
There is also, always, Narcotics Anonymous. Its free and he can show up at any meeting on any day, anywhere, and be welcome whether he is still using or not. Of course, they don't provide detox but another clean addict there may know somebody or have an idea for him.
If he's not at least entertaining the idea of stopping right now, all of the above is irrelevant. Hope you hear from him and he is willing.
Oh, yeah, did I mention the best idea of all? PRAY!!
If he has no insurance, (like my daughter), its best to start with the Dept of Drug and Alcohol in his county of residence. This would be wherever he has any kind of ID. If he has a drivers license or other proof of address with your address, or the couple's address where he was staying, then he/you would call for that county. If you can't find the Dept of Drug & alcohol number, then call the number of the dept of Social Services in your/his county of residence and they will direct you.
The counties do have 'charity funding' for addicts who reside in their county to go to inpatient treatment. However, the funds are usually inadequate and run out long before the end of the year. The good news (sort of) is that most counties get all new funding come January first (mine does). If they have funding available for uninsured or indigent addicts, just ask them how the process works.
Another option is to ask each individual detox or rehab if they have 'charity care' for indigents. Some do, some don't. Those that do have specific rules or requirements. For example, they usually require proof of address, and want the addict to reside in their county. (Once when I went thru this with my AD, they told her it was OK she was homeless, but she needed to provide "proof of address" - something like a utility bill. she told them she didn't get a utility bill in the abandoned building she squatted in!. Nobody ever said this was going to be easy).
It is easier to get charity care for a short term detox than it is for a rehab or a combination detox/rehab. for my AD, the detox alone was not sufficient and she immediately relapsed.
There is the salvation army available in terms of housing but I don't think they can provide a medical detox. If its heroin, he will need one.
Another option that i know about is for him to go to Welfare (Dept. of Social Services) in his county or whatever county he has any sort of ID to match and apply for welfare. He can show up homeless, and they usually will provide emergency housing very quickly. Its not the best, of course. Its usually in the worst possible neightborhood, but its a roof and 4 walls. With the Welfare comes Medicaid. Once he is on medicaid, he is insured for most detoxes and rehabs and then just has to get on the phone and call one after another until he finds one with a bed available.
Hopefully, he still has ID. My daughter, after 18 months of crack and a year on the street, had lost her copy of her drivers license, her birth certificate, her social security card, and her High school diploma (all valid forms of ID). so she had to really scramble and came up with a W2 tax reciept. There was one place that took it. Most wanted more than that. BTW, she got kicked out anyway after 5 days, and is using still, but I gained some experience with this stuff!
There is also, always, Narcotics Anonymous. Its free and he can show up at any meeting on any day, anywhere, and be welcome whether he is still using or not. Of course, they don't provide detox but another clean addict there may know somebody or have an idea for him.
If he's not at least entertaining the idea of stopping right now, all of the above is irrelevant. Hope you hear from him and he is willing.
Oh, yeah, did I mention the best idea of all? PRAY!!
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