love2store

I just wanted to let everyone know that today was a good day for my kids and myself, you see today my ah came over to vist with me and the kids and for the first time in a while i seen my son's smile with out even looking at his face (If that made sence). And I can say that for the first time in while i felt like a family so i guess there is hope for us to be a family again.

Now I can tell you all about his reguest for a sleep over with me and the kids, you see i had to move back home with my mom while he is living in the half way house, and i told him that the only thing i can do is ask my mom if she says its ok, well i did and guess what she said no way, so I told my ah that my mom said no at first i was fine with that and so was he untill we starting talking about when my mom did'nt want to live by her self a few months ago and me and my ah told her that she can stay with us for as long as she wanted with out no problems and she did for about 2 weeks so when my ah brough that up to me i got a little upset because we opened up our house for her in a need of time, and now she wont let him spend the night with his kids so i'm a little unhappy with that and i'm not sure if i should be since its her house her rules. And i also understand that she is mad at him for what he has done to his family.

I dont want to make it sound like i blame her for saying no but in the same breath i dont understand it because if she loves her grandkids and belive me she seen how happy they were today why would she say no?

do i have a right to be up set with her answer? ( we thought of even going to a hotel but we just can not aford that right now)

any thoughts would be very helpfull.

Abundance

I think your mom is probably protecting you...... she is probably so happy to see your kids happy, but also... she is probably thinking attachment. At least, that is what I would be thinking if I wasn't a codie!

I understand you don't want to say goodbye to this joy.... but quality is better than quantity.... I'd talk with your mom about it more after he leaves or if possible while he is there still.

((((hugs)))) ....

kj21

I think your mom is probably trying to protect you too. You are in her home because you couldn't live with your addict?? I think she is right. consequenses. when the time is right you and your AH will be able to spend the night together. Maybe it is too hard on her to see you going through this and she doesn't want to witness it in her own house. It should be your safe place to come and she should know that when she lets you and your kid(s) in she isn't oopening her door to the addict in your life. If he gets better, you will be together in time right? I don't mean to be harsh, but I think I can relate to your mom. all said with love...

GiveLove

I'm sorry.....I'm afraid that if it were me, my answer would be the same as your mom's. Addicts, even recovering addicts, bring chaos. She is doing the right thing sheltering you and the kids, and that in itself should be payback enough for the kindness you showed her. But apparently in her eyes that doesn't need to extend to letting your husband spend the night and have "marital relations" there, and not know if it will be the only time, or if AH will make it a habit, and, and, and...all the unknowns that come with addiction. Remember that addicts lie, addicts steal, addicts manipulate. Your mom remembers this...do you?

Her house, her rules, yes. I understand how you feel but she is trying to watch your back....your heart is running away with you right now and she is trying the best she can right now to help you.

I wonder a bit...would you have thought these dark thoughts about your mom's obligation to you if he hadn't put them into your head? You don't think she's paying you back enough by letting you be there? Is she supposed to just forget everything he's done to you?

It's possible that she's just being a good mom.

Sorry this came out kinda harsh, but I say it with love. I know how you're feeling, but how you're feeling is dangerous, and can snap you back into being in an abusive situation faster than anything.

love2store

thank you all for your replys they are very helpfull, And the truth is never harsh so thank you. and your right i feel like i'm letting my brick wall come down slowly and i have to remember that i put it up from him, and like I told him when i feel trust and only when i trust him i will start little by little and you guys are right its to soon for sleep overs.

Abundance

My guy came down on Saturday for the shortest visit we have ever had together. (6 hours)... We knew that it was best to keep it short and sweet. He is still in w/d's... and learning how to live L.I.F.E. drug free. It's been 13 days clean now. He was meant to stay the weekend, but my weekend was jam packed ... parties and church stuff - santa pics... etc. He thought he could handle it the night before ... but realized he wasn't quite ready ... and I didn't want to put him in a position to fail. So, it was best we didn't push the envelope so to speak.

Also, I really need time... I'm re-acquainting myself with me and my family... and in order for me to be healthy, I need the space as well. So it was a win - win!

I'm actually really proud of how we handled it. It makes me relate to your situation... not wanting to say goodbye to the joy... but it actually just might provide the steps for building a stronger foundation!