No contact while in Rehab, but it's Christmas

Old 12-15-2007, 08:23 PM
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No contact while in Rehab, but it's Christmas

Hi everyone, my abf went to rehab 2 months ago. This is a pretty strict place. Only a few short phone calls a week and only he can call out. Someone is also sitting next to him while he talks. About a month into the program he called and told me he couldn't have any contact with me and he wasn't sure when he would talk to me. He said he still loved me and wanted to be with me but needed to work on himself. My mind completely understands this but my heart is aching. Christmas is coming and I can't understand why he couldn't make a quick call on Christmas, don't addicts have any compassion? I talk to his parents and he still doesn't even ask about me!! Nothing! I've been going to Alanon and it helps but this really hurts. The angry and resentment I have is not getting any better. Anybody have any advice so I don't blow up when I finally talk to him?? It may not be until February!! We have been together for 3 years, mostly sober. How am I going to make it through the holidays?? Just walking through the mall brings me to tears!!
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Old 12-15-2007, 09:51 PM
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I think maybe you need to put this in perspective.
Right now all he can handle is working on HIM.
Meanwhile, you are going to Alanon and working on you.

It's really NOT a bad thing. It may be a sad time, cause you really want to know how he's doing, and let him know you support him. If you both love each other, I'm sure he knows that.

In the long run, this may be a small price to pay for him to lead a life of recovery. Cause recovery is hard.

I'm happy for him that he is abiding by the rules of his rehab that's a great sign.

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Old 12-16-2007, 01:17 AM
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He isn't in a narcanon facility is he? If so, pm me.
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Old 12-16-2007, 08:55 AM
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No He's in a facility up in Canada but thanks
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Old 12-17-2007, 02:22 PM
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lggirl - my AH is in rehab and will be there over xmas. I also have limited contact with him and do miss him dearly. When I get sad and lonely, missing him, I remind myself what life was like when he was in our home, actively using and in the throngs of addiction. When I think about that I am happy he is gone. But mostly I am happiest today for him being there, seeking the treatment he so desperately needs for a disease that has afflicted him so deeply. I am thankful that he is working on recovery and letting his mind heal, and I am working on me by attending AlAnon.

Nothing I can write will make you miss him less. Hopefully this is the best Christmas present you both receive
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Old 12-17-2007, 03:20 PM
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He probably needs this time for recovery so use it wisely and work on your recovery of codependencey. In the end both of you will be better people and a better couple.
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Old 12-17-2007, 04:43 PM
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My son's in a rehab 30 minutes away. I would gladly go get him for Christmas, but I am not sure he'd be able to have him for Christmas.
I really got MAD about it, but, after all, it's up to them to do the right thing so they can have visits at the appointed time.
I will never understand why someone who volunteers to go there can't visit the family on the most "familyish" day of the year, but rules are rules.
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