familymember

So, my brother (who has been "missing" for 1 month) came home last night. He lives in the house next to my mother. I am not sure what to do... Last time he disappeared and came home, I ran over there and helped him find a rehab, talked with him, etc. etc. Needless to say he didnt go to rehab, left for a month and I was left feeling disappointed and completly depressed.
So now I realize I must do something different.

I am FIGHTING the urge to run over there and "rescue" him again. I am scared that this would be harmful to myself and even to him. So, I sent him a text message today and said, "I love you and I am here if you need to talk. I will wait to hear from you." Please, I am open to suggestions. I just want to hug him, as I am aware that he could already be gone as I write this email. I just want to see him and of course, I want to save him (even though I finally have accepted that I can't-- well maybe a little bit more).

What should I do? If I go over there am I hurting him and me? Should I wait for him to come to me? I am the first person he will talk to. I am taking him not calling me as a sign that this is probably just to relax for a few days before he starts using again.:praying

GiveLove

You've made yourself perfectly clear to him, familymember. That's a wonderful text.

I don't think it serves either one of you to go over there and start playing the recovery card until he brings it up and is ready. If you can go there and hug him without expectations, listen to his story with detachment, and not push any specific agenda, then, gosh, I'm always up for a free hug But that's a very difficult task for someone who is in such a delicate emotional state as you are.

Your call...remember you can't save him. But you CAN drive him further away from you. Step cautiously.

rahsue

your text was perfect, and I agree, if you can go over there and not be the savior then go give that hug.

thoughts and prayers

holdingouthope

I think you can be supportive and loving without being manipulative and trying to force something on him that he's not ready for. Who knows, maybe you showing up and giving him a hug will remind him that his life is worth fighting for. good luck.