what have i done?????
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 33
Oh great, I come back to say happy holidays and I get sucked in again....
To the original poster: You don't know me. I used to be married to a meth addict. I remember one day vividly as if it was yesterday. She was having a bad day and was taking it out on me. She had a lot of bad days. I was sitting on the couch with a cup of water in my hand. She was yelling about something, trying to get me to respond by yelling back. But I just sat there. She came over and knocked the water out of my hand, sending the water all over the place and in my face. I stayed pretty calm and told her to get the hell away from me. She went and got a painting that my uncle painted for me for my law school graduation and punched a hole in it. Obviously, all she wanted to do was make me angry. And I got angry. I took her by the shoulders and held her and told her that if I wanted to, I could knock her out with one punch. She responded that I should.
OK, I didn't hit her. But man, I wanted to so bad. My point is that I am not a violent person. Addicts do this kind of thing. This is an insane situation. Not natural. Best thing to do is get as far away as possible when they try to bait you like that.
To the original poster: You don't know me. I used to be married to a meth addict. I remember one day vividly as if it was yesterday. She was having a bad day and was taking it out on me. She had a lot of bad days. I was sitting on the couch with a cup of water in my hand. She was yelling about something, trying to get me to respond by yelling back. But I just sat there. She came over and knocked the water out of my hand, sending the water all over the place and in my face. I stayed pretty calm and told her to get the hell away from me. She went and got a painting that my uncle painted for me for my law school graduation and punched a hole in it. Obviously, all she wanted to do was make me angry. And I got angry. I took her by the shoulders and held her and told her that if I wanted to, I could knock her out with one punch. She responded that I should.
OK, I didn't hit her. But man, I wanted to so bad. My point is that I am not a violent person. Addicts do this kind of thing. This is an insane situation. Not natural. Best thing to do is get as far away as possible when they try to bait you like that.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
isn't this section moderated? lord knows i've been on others that got popped for less contention and strife.
But at the moment what I see is one person trying like mad to fuel a debate- one that by the way has little to do with the thread topic - but an ARMY of compassionate and caring and kind souls who have shown that they have sjr's back.
Frescacan...we are not here to argue. If you are bored with the original topic of the thread I ask that you discuss your issues elsewhere.
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Originally Posted by frescacan
Elaboration is not necessary in order to make the point. If you're incapable of independent abstact thought, I can't help you.
My reasoning and the logic behind asking if you cared to elaborate is to possibly get you to share your story in hopes that it might be beneficial or helpful to others (a light at the end of the tunnel) and in that case it is my independent abstract thought that it is indeed necessary for you to elaborate in order to do so. However you have revealed the nature of your purpose here is not to be helpful or of benefit to others, but rather you are here to "make a point"
Thank you for clarifying that.
Mission accomplished
Passion
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 471
(((((sjr))))) So sorry you've had to go through so much.
Once, when my XAH, stoned and drunk, was badgering my son for the umteenth time about something insignificant, I snapped. I can't even say that it was self defense. I went over to the chair he was sitting on, pushed him over backwards, and had my hands on his throat.
Am I proud of it? No.
Am I sorry I did it? Yes, but I'm more sorry I was driven to it. I'm also very sorry I didn't feel able to talk to anyone before I got to this point ~ for fear of being judged.
This after years and years of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. I can only equate it to a cornered animal striking back at the hunter that chased it there.
Sometimes, our disease, codependency, drives us to the breaking point. We don't choose to go there, anymore than our A's choose addiction. but that's where we end up.
Don't beat yourself up. Just acknowledge where your reaction came from, and do what you can to keep from going there again. But more importantly, be kind to yourself ... you deserve it.
Sending you hugs and sending up prayers for you and your daughter.
Once, when my XAH, stoned and drunk, was badgering my son for the umteenth time about something insignificant, I snapped. I can't even say that it was self defense. I went over to the chair he was sitting on, pushed him over backwards, and had my hands on his throat.
Am I proud of it? No.
Am I sorry I did it? Yes, but I'm more sorry I was driven to it. I'm also very sorry I didn't feel able to talk to anyone before I got to this point ~ for fear of being judged.
This after years and years of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. I can only equate it to a cornered animal striking back at the hunter that chased it there.
Sometimes, our disease, codependency, drives us to the breaking point. We don't choose to go there, anymore than our A's choose addiction. but that's where we end up.
Don't beat yourself up. Just acknowledge where your reaction came from, and do what you can to keep from going there again. But more importantly, be kind to yourself ... you deserve it.
Sending you hugs and sending up prayers for you and your daughter.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by anvilhead
isn't this section moderated? lord knows i've been on others that got popped for less contention and strife.
They are all on top of it.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Oh boy! What a day you had.
There are lots of good answers and comments here. I have to say that it certianly isn't the first time something like this has happened.
I remember a slightly different story, my mother, the falling down drunk. She clobbered me one evening for no reason! She just came flying down the hall and slammed into me with everything she had. I punched her back.
The guilt I felt was terrible.
I just hate it that I didn't step back and just run. But that was 35 years ago.
Don't be too hard on yourself sjr. Addicts are difficult to live with. The drama is overwhelming. The pain is intense.
I am sorry I haven't read past posts of yours, but I feel your fear and pain.
If the cops haven't come by now, they more than likely won't come at all.
She knows that if she does call them, where would she go and who would take care of her?
I am sorry you have to go through this terrible time. Keep hanging in there. You've just learned a lesson on how seriously we must take our sanity, our peace and our mental health.
Hugs to you dear. I hope you're feeling better soon.
There are lots of good answers and comments here. I have to say that it certianly isn't the first time something like this has happened.
I remember a slightly different story, my mother, the falling down drunk. She clobbered me one evening for no reason! She just came flying down the hall and slammed into me with everything she had. I punched her back.
The guilt I felt was terrible.
I just hate it that I didn't step back and just run. But that was 35 years ago.
Don't be too hard on yourself sjr. Addicts are difficult to live with. The drama is overwhelming. The pain is intense.
I am sorry I haven't read past posts of yours, but I feel your fear and pain.
If the cops haven't come by now, they more than likely won't come at all.
She knows that if she does call them, where would she go and who would take care of her?
I am sorry you have to go through this terrible time. Keep hanging in there. You've just learned a lesson on how seriously we must take our sanity, our peace and our mental health.
Hugs to you dear. I hope you're feeling better soon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 103
((((sjr)))) I read your post this morning and have been saying prayers for you all day. I do not have kids but I do have an addicted husband and I think we all know that addiction can bring out the worst in all of us. I admire the courage you have to air your mistakes on such a public forum. There are some pretty rotten things I've done to lash out as a result of things my AH husband did to me, and I don't yet have the courage to show them to the world.
For the record I don't think this single action makes you a bad mom, but who am I to judge? I live in a glass house and have learned that picking up stones only means my windows will get broken, too.
For the record I don't think this single action makes you a bad mom, but who am I to judge? I live in a glass house and have learned that picking up stones only means my windows will get broken, too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 388
Quote from Cece1960:
"but an ARMY of compassionate and caring and kind souls who have shown that they have sjr's back"
That's what I really love about this place!
For the record, I think that most of the people here have her back, her front, her sides.......
Colleen
(I am personally feeling very thankful that I have found this place)
"but an ARMY of compassionate and caring and kind souls who have shown that they have sjr's back"
That's what I really love about this place!
For the record, I think that most of the people here have her back, her front, her sides.......
Colleen
(I am personally feeling very thankful that I have found this place)
, how are you doing?Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
sjr,
Being the mother of 2 addicts for a zillion years now, heaven knows, we've had the same "baiting" behavior, in the past around here. Happily it occurred when both sons were old enough to be told to leave.
It's very very difficult to stay out of the mix when they show aggressive behavior and like you, I wouldn't tolerate the disrepect. But, I think the bottom line is, we are arguing and trying to prove our points with people, friends, and loved ones who are using drugs, and there's not much point in that.
On the other hand, sometimes we just lose it, and it's completely understandable.
The problem is now, what are you going to do to stop it from happening again?
It seems to me that there should be some resources out there that can help you in your time of need. For one thing, I sure would make a police report regarding her violent, threatening behavior.
My oldest once grabbed my wrists during a time of extreme rage and left marks, but stopped because his father was here. But, we would not hesitate to call 911.
Please keep yourself safe.
Hugs, from one mom to another...
Being the mother of 2 addicts for a zillion years now, heaven knows, we've had the same "baiting" behavior, in the past around here. Happily it occurred when both sons were old enough to be told to leave.
It's very very difficult to stay out of the mix when they show aggressive behavior and like you, I wouldn't tolerate the disrepect. But, I think the bottom line is, we are arguing and trying to prove our points with people, friends, and loved ones who are using drugs, and there's not much point in that.
On the other hand, sometimes we just lose it, and it's completely understandable.
The problem is now, what are you going to do to stop it from happening again?
It seems to me that there should be some resources out there that can help you in your time of need. For one thing, I sure would make a police report regarding her violent, threatening behavior.
My oldest once grabbed my wrists during a time of extreme rage and left marks, but stopped because his father was here. But, we would not hesitate to call 911.
Please keep yourself safe.
Hugs, from one mom to another...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Wascally Wabbit
Oh boy! What a day you had.
There are lots of good answers and comments here. I have to say that it certianly isn't the first time something like this has happened.
I remember a slightly different story, my mother, the falling down drunk. She clobbered me one evening for no reason! She just came flying down the hall and slammed into me with everything she had. I punched her back.
The guilt I felt was terrible.
I just hate it that I didn't step back and just run. But that was 35 years ago.
Don't be too hard on yourself sjr. Addicts are difficult to live with. The drama is overwhelming. The pain is intense.
I am sorry I haven't read past posts of yours, but I feel your fear and pain.
If the cops haven't come by now, they more than likely won't come at all.
She knows that if she does call them, where would she go and who would take care of her?
I am sorry you have to go through this terrible time. Keep hanging in there. You've just learned a lesson on how seriously we must take our sanity, our peace and our mental health.
Hugs to you dear. I hope you're feeling better soon.
There are lots of good answers and comments here. I have to say that it certianly isn't the first time something like this has happened.
I remember a slightly different story, my mother, the falling down drunk. She clobbered me one evening for no reason! She just came flying down the hall and slammed into me with everything she had. I punched her back.
The guilt I felt was terrible.
I just hate it that I didn't step back and just run. But that was 35 years ago.
Don't be too hard on yourself sjr. Addicts are difficult to live with. The drama is overwhelming. The pain is intense.
I am sorry I haven't read past posts of yours, but I feel your fear and pain.
If the cops haven't come by now, they more than likely won't come at all.
She knows that if she does call them, where would she go and who would take care of her?
I am sorry you have to go through this terrible time. Keep hanging in there. You've just learned a lesson on how seriously we must take our sanity, our peace and our mental health.
Hugs to you dear. I hope you're feeling better soon.
"The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others."
Big Book: Page 74
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Fresca -
I think we can all agree that you consider yourself an expert on the big book. However, this post and this site if about offering EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH AND HOPE...none of which I've seen from you.
I am a recovering addict and a recovering codependent. I also have 2 college degrees and am perfectly able to read the BB by myself, if I so choose.
I would really appreciate if you would stop diverting this thread away from it's true purpose.
Amy
I think we can all agree that you consider yourself an expert on the big book. However, this post and this site if about offering EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH AND HOPE...none of which I've seen from you.
I am a recovering addict and a recovering codependent. I also have 2 college degrees and am perfectly able to read the BB by myself, if I so choose.
I would really appreciate if you would stop diverting this thread away from it's true purpose.
Amy
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
Originally Posted by frescacan
First, you need to explain how suggesting that she work the steps and ask God for direction is considered "kicking" her.
but you (and Me) forgot something.....to let go of anger. Your reaction to what the OP posted has struck a chord in you from deep down....and youre seeing yourself from days gone by.
NOONE reacts to someone in such deep pain as OP the way you did, if not for your button of identification being pushed.
That being said......you were wrong.
Plain...simple....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: my own little world
Posts: 9,071
SJR, The addict in my life is my husband. I also allowed the stress and chaos to take over who I am and I felt terrible about it.
For today, its been done, you cant change it, but you can plan how if ever in a similar situation with her how you will handle yourself, try to use it as learning more about you so you dont allow those buttons to be pushed again. Thats what I am working on today so if Im faced with the same situation with my sons I can handle it
For today, its been done, you cant change it, but you can plan how if ever in a similar situation with her how you will handle yourself, try to use it as learning more about you so you dont allow those buttons to be pushed again. Thats what I am working on today so if Im faced with the same situation with my sons I can handle it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Tahoe CA
Posts: 1,098
Know what, I have sat here at this computer all day today. I knew if I got up I would drink. I don't want to drink today. That is really all I can handle right now. My son is an addict so like what was expressed in a different thread, do I go to AA, Al-Anon...All I knew was if I sat here and didn't move, I would'nt pick up a drink, I would get through seconds and minutes and try to do the next right thing when I get some of my brain back.
I have wanted to respond many times over this day to many threads that touched my heart. Just couldn't. The shaking has hurt my ability to type.
This thread touched my very soul when it was first typed this morning. I was up and reading, because I could not sleep and desperately didn't want to drink. I wish I would have the courage to post to the world the awful things my son and I have gone through together.
Reading through the judgement of Fresca is easy. She/He just joined today and is obviously struggling with something. I wish you well.
I want to thank everybody for just being here today. You don't know me. I joined SR exactly a year ago yesterday...full of hope and then things went from bad to worse. The good news is that I am here. I relate to so many of you on this site.
I have wanted to respond many times over this day to many threads that touched my heart. Just couldn't. The shaking has hurt my ability to type.
This thread touched my very soul when it was first typed this morning. I was up and reading, because I could not sleep and desperately didn't want to drink. I wish I would have the courage to post to the world the awful things my son and I have gone through together.
Reading through the judgement of Fresca is easy. She/He just joined today and is obviously struggling with something. I wish you well.
I want to thank everybody for just being here today. You don't know me. I joined SR exactly a year ago yesterday...full of hope and then things went from bad to worse. The good news is that I am here. I relate to so many of you on this site.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
(((sjr)))
I hope you are still around and know that we care.
You reacted to your daughters' addictive behavior in a human way. I remember once I just started screaming at my daughter at the top of my lungs. This is not like me at all, and like you I wasn't really proud of my behavior. But you know what? It is over now and I have to move on and learn from it.
Sending more mom hugs to you.
I hope you are still around and know that we care.
You reacted to your daughters' addictive behavior in a human way. I remember once I just started screaming at my daughter at the top of my lungs. This is not like me at all, and like you I wasn't really proud of my behavior. But you know what? It is over now and I have to move on and learn from it.
Sending more mom hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 63
Guys,
I apologize for posting in this forum. It didn't occur to me that this is for friends and family. I thought I was dealing with a bunch of drunks. I know as much about working with family members as Lizzie Borden. I sincerely regret my huge mistake. Best wishes to all.
I apologize for posting in this forum. It didn't occur to me that this is for friends and family. I thought I was dealing with a bunch of drunks. I know as much about working with family members as Lizzie Borden. I sincerely regret my huge mistake. Best wishes to all.
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