what have i done?????
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Done-With-It 
Frescacan and Mae Unfortunately when we don't know the whole story behind someone's history it sometimes causes "Confusion".
Ultimately why we are on this forum is for support not to condemn if you feel so strongly to place blame, perhaps you should take your suggestions elsewhere.
Ultimately why we are on this forum is for support not to condemn if you feel so strongly to place blame, perhaps you should take your suggestions elsewhere.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by frescacan
You're kidding, right? You give her suggestions without knowing "the whole story" and it's ok, but if I suggest that she work the steps and get direction from God, I need to go elsewhere? Please explain.
I have read every single one of her posts, Have You?
I know all about her daughters addiction and the things she's done in her addiction, Do You?
I know the heartache and the things sjr has gone through and the things she has lost since her daughters addiction, Do You?
Your first post to her? And you've got her all figured out.
I come here to give support, Do You? :chatter
I Rest My Case.
I'm Done With You.......
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by sjr
last night was a horrible, terrible, ugly night. it all starts quite early, i got off work a little early last night and was going to go get my nails done. (trying to do a little something for me) my friend is a nail person and was gonna do them for free, seeing how i have little to no money right now. she was giving it to me for xmas....well, my daughter calls me on my way home, and says, 'can i have some money to go out and eat?'...i say sure, if you can do something for me...she says what... ,me "i need a clean drug test"...she knows the deal ...no clean drug test, no money. eat at home. that starts the yelling...you know i can't pass a drug test, i smoked pot like two weeks ago...i say well, if you pee in a cup for me and all you fail for is pot, i will give you money tonight to go out and eat, and then in two weeks when the pot is out of your system, you should test completely clean, and we will go from there...she again, yells & tells me i am stupid, blah,blah,blah...i'm like what is the big deal, i am giving you a shot here. to prove yourself. finally she says, well i am not sure if i will pass everything else...what else would you fail i ask...she says she took a perkaset (sp?) the other day...so now in my head i am thinking well if i get her to still test i can what else is in her system. i haven't tested her since my 2:00am trip to walgreens a couple of weeks ago....she pitches a fit won't test...i say well then no money, that is the rule....on to the good part,
i go get my nails done, come home....well, yesterday i got a new cell phone because they we're having a really good deal at my provider, and my phone though ok, not great. (i use my phone for work as well as personal). she hasn't had a cell phone in months. her's broke...(she throws it and all that stuff)...she noticed my new one, and wanted my old one. again i say, i can't give you that until i get a clean test...she gets in my face in a rage...telling me how she wants my phone, is going to have my phone. goes in my bedroom and starts to pull everything out of draws looking for it...i say you know all you are doing is making a mess and it isn't even in there....trying to stay calm at this point....she does this for a long time...my room is completely a mess now. she comes out and trys to grab my purse from me. i of course won't let her have it. she same purse i sleep with so she won't still my money and meds. she is fighting me over this purse. both phones fall out of the side pockets where they were and she says i'll break your new phone in half if i want to.
then...she grabs the old phone off the floor, i say give it back to me you can't have it...of course she says no...
now here is the really ugly part, i wan't even sure if i wanted to tell you guys because i feel like i am getting ready to be railed. but you all have been here for me through the other stuff lately, it would be a lie to leave it out.
so here goes....(deep breath)...i go to grab the phone out of her hand and she doesn't let go...she pushes me, and i snap. i literaly lost my mind. i hit her, not once but several times. she of course hits me back and i am now in a 'fight' with my daughter. this is not my nature, i don't 'hit'...i have talked about spanking in my last thread, yes, i spanked...that's the butt...this was a fight like two crazy grown women would. i finally come to my sences as i am on the floor with my child and get up...i tell her she can have the phone and use it to call her dad to come get her. she leaves.
i am honestly now sitting there waiting for the cops to come and take me to jail. she said she was gonna call them.i called a friend of mine...and said keep your phone close by i may need you to get me out of jail tonight, here's my mom's number in case you can't. i was getting prepared to go to jail!
the phone rings it's my mom, she had talked my daughter out of calling the cops she says...we talked for a while, it's around 2 am by then, i just sit up all night waiting...
the cops didn't come...and she didn't come home...
i don't know where she is right now...i can't believe i lost my mind like that
i feel like the BIGGEST LOSER PIECE OF CRAP MOM IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW!!!! i hit my baby...alot!!!
all over a phone???????? i had said i was going to turn the service off on it today, imo...she pitched a complete fit for it...she got it...same 'ole...my mom asked me not to. trying to keep the peace my mom is...
i don't know what to do now...i feel terrible, i feel like i hit some wall, i feel like i lost it, and i did.
so that is the long and short of my story for last night...i'm ready ...go ahead guys, tell me what ya think of the crappy mom that hits her kid...i deserve it and will take it.....s
i go get my nails done, come home....well, yesterday i got a new cell phone because they we're having a really good deal at my provider, and my phone though ok, not great. (i use my phone for work as well as personal). she hasn't had a cell phone in months. her's broke...(she throws it and all that stuff)...she noticed my new one, and wanted my old one. again i say, i can't give you that until i get a clean test...she gets in my face in a rage...telling me how she wants my phone, is going to have my phone. goes in my bedroom and starts to pull everything out of draws looking for it...i say you know all you are doing is making a mess and it isn't even in there....trying to stay calm at this point....she does this for a long time...my room is completely a mess now. she comes out and trys to grab my purse from me. i of course won't let her have it. she same purse i sleep with so she won't still my money and meds. she is fighting me over this purse. both phones fall out of the side pockets where they were and she says i'll break your new phone in half if i want to.
then...she grabs the old phone off the floor, i say give it back to me you can't have it...of course she says no...
now here is the really ugly part, i wan't even sure if i wanted to tell you guys because i feel like i am getting ready to be railed. but you all have been here for me through the other stuff lately, it would be a lie to leave it out.
so here goes....(deep breath)...i go to grab the phone out of her hand and she doesn't let go...she pushes me, and i snap. i literaly lost my mind. i hit her, not once but several times. she of course hits me back and i am now in a 'fight' with my daughter. this is not my nature, i don't 'hit'...i have talked about spanking in my last thread, yes, i spanked...that's the butt...this was a fight like two crazy grown women would. i finally come to my sences as i am on the floor with my child and get up...i tell her she can have the phone and use it to call her dad to come get her. she leaves.
i am honestly now sitting there waiting for the cops to come and take me to jail. she said she was gonna call them.i called a friend of mine...and said keep your phone close by i may need you to get me out of jail tonight, here's my mom's number in case you can't. i was getting prepared to go to jail!
the phone rings it's my mom, she had talked my daughter out of calling the cops she says...we talked for a while, it's around 2 am by then, i just sit up all night waiting...
the cops didn't come...and she didn't come home...
i don't know where she is right now...i can't believe i lost my mind like that
i feel like the BIGGEST LOSER PIECE OF CRAP MOM IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW!!!! i hit my baby...alot!!!
all over a phone???????? i had said i was going to turn the service off on it today, imo...she pitched a complete fit for it...she got it...same 'ole...my mom asked me not to. trying to keep the peace my mom is...
i don't know what to do now...i feel terrible, i feel like i hit some wall, i feel like i lost it, and i did.
so that is the long and short of my story for last night...i'm ready ...go ahead guys, tell me what ya think of the crappy mom that hits her kid...i deserve it and will take it.....s
~Sorry back to topic~
~Many Hugs Going out to you~
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Done-With-It
I have followed her and her story from the day she first came here,
I have read every single one of her posts, Have You?
I know all about her daughters addiction and the things she's done in her addiction, Do You?
I know the heartache and the things sjr has gone through and the things she has lost since her daughters addiction, Do You?
Your first post to her? And you've got her all figured out.
I come here to give support, Do You? :chatter
I Rest My Case.
I'm Done With You.......
I have read every single one of her posts, Have You?
I know all about her daughters addiction and the things she's done in her addiction, Do You?
I know the heartache and the things sjr has gone through and the things she has lost since her daughters addiction, Do You?
Your first post to her? And you've got her all figured out.
I come here to give support, Do You? :chatter
I Rest My Case.
I'm Done With You.......
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
fresacan -
you're being pretty darn judgemental and sarcastic and that is NOT called for! And just for the record, I know of many friends of mine (with 20+ years sobriety IN AA) would tell you don't shove AA down anyone's throat....you lead by example.
I, like done-with-it have been here with sjr since day one. Even if you have dealt with what she has, you don't have the right to judge her. Even if you think what she did was wrong...that is just YOUR opinion. I don't always agree with everyone here, but I always say "this is how I feel"...NOT "you DID do wrong".
sjr - sorry for hijacking your thread, but I'm with DWI and had to add my 2 cents.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
you're being pretty darn judgemental and sarcastic and that is NOT called for! And just for the record, I know of many friends of mine (with 20+ years sobriety IN AA) would tell you don't shove AA down anyone's throat....you lead by example.
I, like done-with-it have been here with sjr since day one. Even if you have dealt with what she has, you don't have the right to judge her. Even if you think what she did was wrong...that is just YOUR opinion. I don't always agree with everyone here, but I always say "this is how I feel"...NOT "you DID do wrong".
sjr - sorry for hijacking your thread, but I'm with DWI and had to add my 2 cents.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Take it easy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Springfield, Va
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by frescacan
You're right. Telling her to work the steps and seek her answers from God was a very mean thing to do. Now that you've pointed me in the right direction, I'm very proud of her for hitting her kid. I'm sure that God will reward her with a sense of spiritual peace that knows no bounds.
When discussion degenerates to this point the thread becomes toxic to us all...
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((((((((Sjr)))))))))))))
I have to agree with quite a few responses here.
Excluding...
My son is 26. He has used some form of drugs/alcohol, since the age of probably 13/14.
There was a 5 year period (age 19-24) that I almost let myself be destroyed.
Financially, emotionally, and he!! yes, mentally.
I don't ever remember hitting him, but I'm sure I have. There were many a tense scenes, as everyone here knows, that occur when trying to "love" someone well. That can't be done, btw.
It's taken me the last 2 years to "see" that. Thanks to God, soberrecovery, naranon, and Melodie Beattie.
We all do things we one day, may have to own up to. If not here to others, then to God in Heaven.
There are quite a few here that know things that I've done for my son when I was in the throes of his addiction with him.
Ie: Driving him to the dealers to score. Taking him to Walmart to steal things. Pawning my own jewelry so he could have money for drugs. Driving him to a McDonald's, so that he could go shoot up the smack he just scored with money that I gave him. All so that he wouldn't be sick. All because I love my son. All because that's what moms do. Protect, nurture, comfort.
Give me a friggin' break. Arrrrgggg!
Sorry. I'm over that. I'm in recovery.
My son hasn't used like that in 2 years. He's done it on his own.
He had to learn it on his own. I just thank God above for giving him that choice. That's what this all boils down to. Choices.
You want sobriety? Go after it. Do what you can to achieve it.
One day at a time.
But, I will be d*mned if I ever allow him to ever, ever, talk that way to me or treat me the way your daughter has treated you.
Let her go. Turn off the phone.
And, Fresca? Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up, here.
Thanks.
I have to agree with quite a few responses here.
Excluding...
Ok. I'll say it. You DID do something wrong. You hit your daughter and you owe her a huge amend. Unfortunately, we stay blocked from God if we're going to use other people's behavior to justify our own. If you're "powerless", you need power. You can't afford to be blocked from that power.
How to proceed with your situation? I don't know. If you go into prayer and meditation and ask God to direct your thinking and to give you an intuitive thought, you will get your answer. You may not like it, though.
Good luck.
How to proceed with your situation? I don't know. If you go into prayer and meditation and ask God to direct your thinking and to give you an intuitive thought, you will get your answer. You may not like it, though.
Good luck.
There was a 5 year period (age 19-24) that I almost let myself be destroyed.
Financially, emotionally, and he!! yes, mentally.
I don't ever remember hitting him, but I'm sure I have. There were many a tense scenes, as everyone here knows, that occur when trying to "love" someone well. That can't be done, btw.
It's taken me the last 2 years to "see" that. Thanks to God, soberrecovery, naranon, and Melodie Beattie.
We all do things we one day, may have to own up to. If not here to others, then to God in Heaven.
There are quite a few here that know things that I've done for my son when I was in the throes of his addiction with him.
Ie: Driving him to the dealers to score. Taking him to Walmart to steal things. Pawning my own jewelry so he could have money for drugs. Driving him to a McDonald's, so that he could go shoot up the smack he just scored with money that I gave him. All so that he wouldn't be sick. All because I love my son. All because that's what moms do. Protect, nurture, comfort.
Give me a friggin' break. Arrrrgggg!
Sorry. I'm over that. I'm in recovery.
My son hasn't used like that in 2 years. He's done it on his own.
He had to learn it on his own. I just thank God above for giving him that choice. That's what this all boils down to. Choices.
You want sobriety? Go after it. Do what you can to achieve it.
One day at a time.
But, I will be d*mned if I ever allow him to ever, ever, talk that way to me or treat me the way your daughter has treated you.
Let her go. Turn off the phone.
And, Fresca? Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up, here.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by swmnkdinthervr
While there is some validity to to what you point out, posts like the above detract from the purpose here...it's also the last thing those of us burdened with addiction need...this is an emotional issue and while violence isn't a viable answer in most scenarios it IS an understandable reaction to the stimuli offered...I can't say I wouldn't have reacted in the same manner so I would ask suggest a little empathy might go a long way in getting your point across...
When discussion degenerates to this point the thread becomes toxic to us all...
When discussion degenerates to this point the thread becomes toxic to us all...
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
So does ignorance. Different thread.
What have I done is the title of this thread.
Why don't you stop hijacking it, which is about drug addiction not alcoholics.
What have I done is the title of this thread.
last night was a horrible, terrible, ugly night. it all starts quite early, i got off work a little early last night and was going to go get my nails done. (trying to do a little something for me) my friend is a nail person and was gonna do them for free, seeing how i have little to no money right now. she was giving it to me for xmas....well, my daughter calls me on my way home, and says, 'can i have some money to go out and eat?'...i say sure, if you can do something for me...she says what... ,me "i need a clean drug test"...she knows the deal ...no clean drug test, no money. eat at home. that starts the yelling...you know i can't pass a drug test, i smoked pot like two weeks ago...i say well, if you pee in a cup for me and all you fail for is pot, i will give you money tonight to go out and eat, and then in two weeks when the pot is out of your system, you should test completely clean, and we will go from there...she again, yells & tells me i am stupid, blah,blah,blah...i'm like what is the big deal, i am giving you a shot here. to prove yourself. finally she says, well i am not sure if i will pass everything else...what else would you fail i ask...she says she took a perkaset (sp?) the other day...so now in my head i am thinking well if i get her to still test i can what else is in her system. i haven't tested her since my 2:00am trip to walgreens a couple of weeks ago....she pitches a fit won't test...i say well then no money, that is the rule....on to the good part,
Take it easy
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Springfield, Va
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by frescacan
Empathy kills alcoholics.
We also must be careful of our HONESTY...honesty without love/compassion is simple cruelty...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 472
Hugs and prayers!!!!! You did NOTHING wrong. You are a mom and reacted as mom's sometimes do! A good slapping, spanking, or paddle whipping-never hurt my girls and they are in their 40s now and doing very well.
Fresca-your comments-SUCK!!!! You surely were not thinking, nor did you understand the situation.
Fresca-your comments-SUCK!!!! You surely were not thinking, nor did you understand the situation.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by Miss Pink
Frescacan,
I dont see how kicking someone who is ALREADY KICKING HERSELF, who has ACKNOLWEDGED HER PART, is helping in the least bit?
Can you explain that to me?
I dont see how kicking someone who is ALREADY KICKING HERSELF, who has ACKNOLWEDGED HER PART, is helping in the least bit?
Can you explain that to me?
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Soda Pop .. since you have suggested she ask Gods direction ..
I'd like to suggest you direct yourself towards God's word.
Notice the word "edify" in verse 19. The word means "to build up." It comes from the Latin word which means "to build." Christians who care edify one another; they build one another up. We can be used of the Lord to help "build up" others, or be used of Satan to tear down, to destroy. It is much easier to be a destroyer than to be a builder.
We see this is in Romans 14:14-21.
A. Verse one says "receive ye," and verse nineteen says "edify one another," and we are told in verse thirteen that we are not to judge another.
Are we a destroyer, or are we a builder?
I'd like to suggest you direct yourself towards God's word.
Edify One Another
Romans 14:19
Romans 14:19
Notice the word "edify" in verse 19. The word means "to build up." It comes from the Latin word which means "to build." Christians who care edify one another; they build one another up. We can be used of the Lord to help "build up" others, or be used of Satan to tear down, to destroy. It is much easier to be a destroyer than to be a builder.
We see this is in Romans 14:14-21.
A. Verse one says "receive ye," and verse nineteen says "edify one another," and we are told in verse thirteen that we are not to judge another.
Are we a destroyer, or are we a builder?
Last edited by nytepassion; 12-12-2007 at 12:53 PM.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
frescacan, you miss the point here. The steps and asking God for direction are
the basics of a recovery program. This thread is not about you being right. You are entitled to an opinion . You are not entitled to judging another person.
There's more to recovery than throwing the program at others.
the basics of a recovery program. This thread is not about you being right. You are entitled to an opinion . You are not entitled to judging another person.
There's more to recovery than throwing the program at others.
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