krhea75

Well, after the drama of the week-end(son coming home from oxfordhouse, disappearing for a few days and lying all the time) he came home on Sunday, needing a ride back to the house. Mind you, his "friends" said they were going to take him back, but something came up. So with advice from his counselor, I took him back. His counselor said all his drug tests had been clean and he had been working his program. He was just being a typical jerk of an adolescent. Needless to say, the ride back was no fun. Either total silence or me reaming him out. I told him he was breaking my heart by this behavior. He said I broke his heart when I had him arrested. Most mothers would do anything to keep their son out of jail. Now I know this is not true. But it really hurt. It hurt because I knew that was how he saw it. And he may always see it that way.

So Monday for the first time, I sat down and worked the steps. I know that I hear that phrase a lot and I have read the steps many times, but I sat down and wrote my thoughts in response to each of the steps. And I must say, I had some inspirations as I did it. Did it change my kid? No. But it did change me. AHA! I guess that was what you have all been telling me. I can't really explain it, but I do have some serenity. And boy do I need it. Thanks agin for all of your input. I am a little slow sometimes, but when I get something it is for real.
krhea

rahsue

oh boy, when we have an epiphany we have it big. lol

good luck in the program

Impurrfect

((krhea))

My dad didn't have me arrested (did that all by myself, thank you) and most of the 5-1/2 months I was locked up I was pretty whiny. It took me a while to realize grateful I was that dad DIDN'T get me out...had to be clean and doing things on my own for a while to get there.

Now, of course I'm a LOT older than your son, but I'm hoping he continues his path to recovery and as he matures, he will see what I see - you did the most loving thing a parent can do (and probably the hardest).

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

krhea75

Thanks rahsue and amy for your comments. I know that he believes right now that I betrayed him, but your comments gave me hope that it won't stay that way. Maybe he'll have an epiphany someday down the road. But for now, I can only control me.
krhea

bookmiser

My son thanked me for having him arrested.
He told me I saved his life. That he was headed for death, doin' 90.
He's never done anything voluntarily, so I guess that's what it had to
take to get him clean of heroin.
He's much better today. Still an addict, though. Especially in his "mind",
but I wouldn't have done it any different.
He's been off heroin for over 2 years. Drank alcohol for a while last year.
Doesn't do that anymore. Still smokes weed when he can afford it.
He did take matters into his own hands to get into counseling and diagnosed
for bi-polar and depression. He's been on medication for a couple of months.

Good for you on working the steps. It took me a while to "seriously" wrap my brain around them, myself. I went back and forth on step 1 forever. lol
Well, you probably already know that, though, huh?
Your doing great, sweetie. Keep up the good work.

Love ya,

krhea75

THanks Linda. Your support has been so helpful.
krhea

mooselips

krhea75,
Your son may not understand it now, your having him arrested, but, some day, after he has been in recovery a while, I bet it'll all fall in place for him.


And congrats on doing and working your steps.
For me, I use the steps in every aspect of my life, and what a huge difference it has made in my life...


Serenity...can't ask for more than that...