Question
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
Question
Anyone out there know how they set visitation when neither parent has the child. If you go by state guidelines that they use in divorces the kid would hardly ever be home. Cause it seems both parents should have equal time. We want to be fair but also don't want the kids passed around all the time. An already one grandparent is wanting us to sign an visitation agreement. Which I don't think we should sign any. Would like some input on this.
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
Lost,
I guess it's all up to the guardians and those who wish to visit.
If there is problems, you might want to consult a lawyer.
The other grandparents want visits?
I'd give'em every other weekend, but only if you feel comfortable with it and
the kids don't suffer from it. Emotionally, I mean.
I care and hope all works out well for everyone.
Prayers and love,
I guess it's all up to the guardians and those who wish to visit.
If there is problems, you might want to consult a lawyer.
The other grandparents want visits?
I'd give'em every other weekend, but only if you feel comfortable with it and
the kids don't suffer from it. Emotionally, I mean.
I care and hope all works out well for everyone.
Prayers and love,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
In our family we invite all parties to things like baseball games.....and offer to come early or stay later for some time with extended family....
parents........visits? that depends on if the parents clean and sober or not and the reason the childs not with them.............
its tough trying to work it all out.......best of luck
parents........visits? that depends on if the parents clean and sober or not and the reason the childs not with them.............
its tough trying to work it all out.......best of luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
We talked to the attorney he wasn't much help he said it might have to go by state guidelines he wasn't sure. The father lives with the grandmother, he was been getting him every other weekend plus Sundays before this happened. Plus we always worked things out for if they wanted him for a party or something... We were going to go back to that until AD gets out then she would need time with him too. The GRandmother wants him midweek so she can have her own day. We don't agree.
Before all of this we always got along fine.
Before all of this we always got along fine.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I think you are wise to be looking at what is best for the child.
I like the idea of inviting those interested to attend a family event, where the child's routine isn't disrupted and allow enough time for a personal visit too.
And I agree, find a lawyer who knows the laws and who can guide you before you sign anything.
Hugs
I like the idea of inviting those interested to attend a family event, where the child's routine isn't disrupted and allow enough time for a personal visit too.
And I agree, find a lawyer who knows the laws and who can guide you before you sign anything.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
Lost, I'm sorry for what you are dealing with. If the child is already at the grandmothers house evrey other weekend I don't see how the court would also let her have her own day too. You are doing great looking at the fact that the child needs to feel like he is grounded somewhere & not just passed around. Like mentioned abouve, don't sign anything w/o a GOOD lawyer. I hope things will eventually work out where all can enjoy without the "my day your day" thing coming from every wich way. Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
The lawyer we talk to is the one that did the guardianship for us, so I thought he'd know how they do visitations. The father had a CHINS case filed against him, but they dropped it when we got the guardianship. You'd think they've been happy about that. An the time Child services lawyer told us we set visitation at whatever we felt was safe.
It was such a relief for us when we got this, an now they are doing this. She went to her lawyer 1 day after we got the kids. Why do some people always cause trouble.
It was such a relief for us when we got this, an now they are doing this. She went to her lawyer 1 day after we got the kids. Why do some people always cause trouble.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((((Lost)))))
We had a similar situation with my niece, Brit, although when her mom died (Brit was 1), her "dad" was in prison. His parents tried to get custody, but my stepmom was given guardianship.
DFACS is who advised us on the visitation. Because the other grandparents were really nasty at the time, Brit was assigned a guardian ad litem - someone who's entire purpose is to look after the child's best interest. She was initally with other gp's every other weekend, and we allowed them to get her for special occasions.
Not long after that, due to the behavior of the other gp's, their visitation was cancelled by DFACS, with the guardian ad-litem's agreement. As time went on, and Brit got older, we let HER decide if she wanted to see them. Now, at the age of 14, she doesn't really want anything to do with them OR her "dad" but it's because of their actions.
So, maybe it's worth seeing if your state has a guardian ad-litem program. I know a lot of states do, and if there is any cost (which I don't think there is), it was covered by medicaid.
I know a lot of people have bad feelings about DFACS, but Brit's social worker in DFACS was a god-send to us. We TRIED to keep everyone happy, but when it didn't work, Brit came first. The poor child had a lawyer, social worker, guardian ad-litem, AND a psychiatrist at the age of 3 because of what her "dad's" family put her through.
Do whatever you need to do to keep taking care of the babies.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
We had a similar situation with my niece, Brit, although when her mom died (Brit was 1), her "dad" was in prison. His parents tried to get custody, but my stepmom was given guardianship.
DFACS is who advised us on the visitation. Because the other grandparents were really nasty at the time, Brit was assigned a guardian ad litem - someone who's entire purpose is to look after the child's best interest. She was initally with other gp's every other weekend, and we allowed them to get her for special occasions.
Not long after that, due to the behavior of the other gp's, their visitation was cancelled by DFACS, with the guardian ad-litem's agreement. As time went on, and Brit got older, we let HER decide if she wanted to see them. Now, at the age of 14, she doesn't really want anything to do with them OR her "dad" but it's because of their actions.
So, maybe it's worth seeing if your state has a guardian ad-litem program. I know a lot of states do, and if there is any cost (which I don't think there is), it was covered by medicaid.
I know a lot of people have bad feelings about DFACS, but Brit's social worker in DFACS was a god-send to us. We TRIED to keep everyone happy, but when it didn't work, Brit came first. The poor child had a lawyer, social worker, guardian ad-litem, AND a psychiatrist at the age of 3 because of what her "dad's" family put her through.
Do whatever you need to do to keep taking care of the babies.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
Child services said when we got the guardianship that they were out of it, they closed the book on it. But did say that if anyone tried to take the guardianship from us we should tell them. I did email caseworker we had, an she just said it was her understanding we decided the visits, an we shpuld talk to a lawyer. The kids had a guardian ad litem assigned to them before the court case. We never heard from her or even seen her.
This is just so crazy it's not like we are trying to stop him from seeing his son..It's all brought on because she wants her "day"..an her son just says he don't see why she can't have it. I'm sorry I don't feel it would be good for him to be gone that much. Plus like I said it was going to be hard enough working it so Mother a Father both get time with him.
If it goes to court I don't think a judge will give her a one day a week visit. But it is causing hard feeling where there never was before.
This is just so crazy it's not like we are trying to stop him from seeing his son..It's all brought on because she wants her "day"..an her son just says he don't see why she can't have it. I'm sorry I don't feel it would be good for him to be gone that much. Plus like I said it was going to be hard enough working it so Mother a Father both get time with him.
If it goes to court I don't think a judge will give her a one day a week visit. But it is causing hard feeling where there never was before.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I've never been in this perdicament but it seems to me that one would have to think of what is best for the child or children. Midweek could be tricky if there is school involved.
good luck
good luck
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lost))))
Sorry you're not getting any help from CS and the guardian ad-litem didn't help. I guess we had all that because the other gp's WERE trying to take custody. It seems to me the gm is thinking more of what SHE wants rather than what is best for the child.
I really hope you can work this out. I agree that the little one doesn't need to be shuffled around any more than is necessary. It sounds like the son AND gm have addict thinking...."I want WHAT I want, WHEN I want it". Maybe you can just tell her that, for right now, "her" day just doesn't work and you've discussed it with your lawyer (you don't have to go into details). In our case, even when the other gp's tried they're hardest (and they have tons of $$, we don't), the courts always sided with my stepmom because she has guardianship and the gp's don't really have many rights to grandchildren (not always fair, I agree, but it's what I've seen). I wish you luck!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Sorry you're not getting any help from CS and the guardian ad-litem didn't help. I guess we had all that because the other gp's WERE trying to take custody. It seems to me the gm is thinking more of what SHE wants rather than what is best for the child.
I really hope you can work this out. I agree that the little one doesn't need to be shuffled around any more than is necessary. It sounds like the son AND gm have addict thinking...."I want WHAT I want, WHEN I want it". Maybe you can just tell her that, for right now, "her" day just doesn't work and you've discussed it with your lawyer (you don't have to go into details). In our case, even when the other gp's tried they're hardest (and they have tons of $$, we don't), the courts always sided with my stepmom because she has guardianship and the gp's don't really have many rights to grandchildren (not always fair, I agree, but it's what I've seen). I wish you luck!!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
