bad news

Old 12-10-2007, 01:18 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
On a tear
BigSis's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
My daughter got kicked out of her Oxford House - for using "behavior". She acted like she was using - she was in places she shouldn't have been - but she passed the drug test.

Didn't matter - she had 15 minutes to get her stuff out. And since she lived 2 hours from me - she had to wait on a corner, surrounded by boxes and bags for about 1 1/2 hours.

She put on a front, but she was scared. She knew we said she couldn't come home - but we kept her for a night. Then she moved in with the boyfriend she fell for in rehab... and as far as I know, she didn't use.

Each consequence has taught her something. Mostly things I thought she already knew. And you know what? That hasn't changed. My kid just seems to have that addict personality - I want it... I want it all... and I want it NOW.

That is a difficult mind set to break through. But she IS learning.... she just happens to be a concrete learner who only learns from HER OWN experience.

Very exasperating for me and Mr. Big - especially as her husband is just as bad, if not worse. What a pair to draw to... I tell ya.

Today, I have finally... most of the time... finally accepted she is NOT the kid I thought she was. I don't know if the using changed her or if her recovery (such that it is) has made her more honest about herself.... but there are days I look at her and wonder where the hell she came from.

Then I remember - I was different in my 20's, too. I was pretty selfish and self-serving. I was still drinking. And I did so even when I had horrible consequences. Then when I got married and quit drinking, I was still whiny and upset that I couldn't have all the things/time/events that I wanted.

I have only found some balance in life in the last I need to remember that. It took me a while to grow up - and I shouldn't expect so much MORE from my own kids.

I do wish her well, Cailisnana. I think she has had some taste of recovery, which screws up using forever. She also is still in touch with her program folks - they've BEEN where she is... they can help her best.

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Old 12-10-2007, 02:11 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
If I lower my expectations any lowers, there will be none! I am ready to throw in the towel or raise the white flag. Today, at this minute, I feel as lost as when I came. I did what I learned, I practied it, I encouraged, I clapped when she did good...and she still made another stupid, childlike decision. AND KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!!!!!

As hard as it is on her (if it is) it is worse on the mom or dad. You can't play like they weren't born to you, are part of you. You can't leave or divorce. You detach, don't enagle, and it goes on.

Sorry, no responses needed, I am mad and venting as I have noone else.

Keep me in your prayers, I need them. I have a meeting tonight, too.:atv
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Old 12-10-2007, 02:27 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Location: East Tawas, MI
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I will keep you in my prayers and Kasey too. I remember how totally at the end of my rope I was when Megan last relapsed. As heartbreaking as active addiction is, at least you know what you are up against. Having some clean time and relapsing is so very hard to deal with. The only thing that worked for me was to go back to square one and admit I was powerless. I had to work my way back up, but the lesson that I learned was I will never give my trust away so easily to my daughter again. Or my hard fought recovery either. You need to rage and vent and feel badly if that is what it will take for you to feel better. It is okay. Hugs, Marle
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Old 12-10-2007, 05:20 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Location: twilight zone,usa
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oh susan, i am so sorry. i hope she will get back on track. my prayers are for the two of you.try to stay calm & take care of you.
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