Monthly parent check in!!!

Old 04-28-2007, 09:42 PM
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Monthly parent check in!!!

Nothing new w/ me or AD right now. We made it through the first holiday.
She continues to work (has benefits!) go to meetings and seems to really be trying. Had a sad thing happen last week, a friend she had been trying to help relapsed and it hurt her. SHe was crying, talking about how she looked, what she had on, who was with her, how horrible this and that....she is learning.

Hope to hear from all of you!
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Old 12-06-2007, 11:03 AM
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Thanks Susan, I am glad that your daughter is doing well and trying so hard. I think the strength to battle the addiction demon is amazing and I have nothing but the utmost admiration for addicts working on recovery...It is such a difficult battle and the life lessons and self insight learned by working a program and yes, even by falling and getting back up, helps everywhere, not just with addiction.
I'm sorry she had to go through that hurt, but I know it is a learning experience for her as well. I hope it will strengthen her determination to move forward.
As for me, life on life's terms is rather hectic these days...Involved in a special project that includes lots of travel for the next month and a half...all one or two day stints. The timing with the holidays and the weather could be better (I keep my own personal entertainment pack of books, readings, puzzles, IPOD and portable DVD to address the hours stuck in airports for flight delays or cancellations...Had a flight cancel out on me yesterday that gave me a reprieve today!) But it is all good...I am grateful that I have an interesting job and that some people seek me out to help with issues affecting other states and national standards.

My daughter continues to thrive. She is settled in to the place she moved into in August, has a significant relationship with a truly caring guy who is working hard moving forward as well; a good program in place (even started speaking at meetings, recovery programs, etc) and now a permanent job with benefits too. (I know how excited you must feel that your daughter has benefits!) She is pursuing her degreee but usually the position she is in now requires a college degree...They really took a chance on her and she is very grateful. I know that she has talent, brains, personality and is a sweetheart...It is nice to see it all shining through again as she approaches 2 full years clean and sober.

Hugs and prayers to all - the members here and the loved ones who struggle with addiction. I hope everyone has holidays filled with peace and joy.
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Old 12-06-2007, 11:06 AM
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let it grow!
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mine's a mess. full blown relapse. glad/hope that there are others with some positive news to share, it brings me hope. hugs, k
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Old 12-06-2007, 11:19 AM
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get it, give it, grow in it
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I enjoy the monthly rollcall Susan.
My AS has been back at home for 3 mos. Which challenges me ea. and every day to work on my own stuff and not his. I am trying to focus on being positive and not so critical, patient, practice acceptance, determing approp. limits for living at home. My struggle is questioning whether I am making it too easy or just giving the unconditonal love and safe environment for him to work on his mental health issues.
He did make two major decisions: he sees a therapist weekly and went on meds for depression. I know that this is just a period of time when we are close again and then he will be off in his own life.
He rarely looks for work now after being rejected many time the 1st couple of mos. Son is helpful around the house, polite and fun to be with, participates in family events, etc.. But he does not take action for some things in his life that need attention. I am trying to turn those over to him because they bother me but not him.
I had a lot of recovery from codep. behav when he was gone for 5 yrs. I see it is a whole other ballgame when AS is in the home.
He has made enormous progress if I choose to see it I must remember PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION for him, because I lived my life in the past as a perfectionist.
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Old 12-06-2007, 11:54 AM
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great news on your daughter. i hate that her friend relasped but maybe she will see it can happen & it will make her stronger. prayers
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Old 12-06-2007, 12:58 PM
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My daughter is still doing the addict thing. But I am looking forward to the holidays and having 12 days off from work. Winter makes me want to hibernate, but I think that I will get a good book, a few good movies and settle right in. Hugs, Marle
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Old 12-06-2007, 01:51 PM
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Hi everyone,

My daughter called today (Yay!) and said, "Mom, I just keep losing weight. do you think something's wrong with me?" I wanted to say, "Well maybe its because you keep smoking crack all day long" but I didn't. She's still living with BF who has recently become abusive, she still has not applied for welfare or medicaid, still 'dancing' at strip clubs. She is HIV positive but still 'healthy' as in T-cells are still high. Still doesn't want to get clean. She says she is coming for Christmas and I believe she will (especially since she knows there are presents involved!). This is good news. last Christmas she was missing and it sucked.
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Old 12-06-2007, 01:55 PM
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Mine is mixed news -

Daughter and son-in-law remain clean... though they both still display many using behaviors (the "all about me" syndrome, the short-sightedness and inability to delay gratification).

Son, on the other hand, is getting worse with his drug use (or being more honest about it - one or the other). Yet, his behavior is far more codependent, and therefore comforting (grin) to me. He has been through inpatient treatment one time and was in recovery for 18 months.... but made a concious choice to go back out.

What I know is that I love them both the same. I get scared for my son because I know this disease is progressive... but I am willing to do the "hands off the addict" thing, for now, anyway.

I also know I get scared for my daughter, because her addictive behavior is so difficult to deal with. And her husband has many of the same behaviors. Again, not my business to fix.

I suppose the next ones I will get to practice my Alanon skills on are these two:

They say kids keep us young, but I've aged decades. Heck - imagine if I'd never had kids..... actually..... I can't!
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Old 12-06-2007, 02:04 PM
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Good to hear from you all. My as is still in Nashville living with a guy he met in NA. He's holding down a job hopefully paying his rent, hopefully paying his probation, anyway my finacial support has been very limited lately a little gas here and there to help with the probation trips. I honestly don't know if he's using, he has some of the signs but he either is or isn't and we all know time will tell me. He does have a couple of speeding tickets comming up he obviously can't pay and I at this point anyway don't think I should. Does anyone know what happens if you don't have the fine, do they set you up on a payment plan or anything.
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Old 12-06-2007, 02:10 PM
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My 30 year old AS was "caught" in a relapse recently. He lives in the northern part of the state with a friend and his family. Last night he called and was sooo depressed and remorseful. It is as though someone smacked him in the face and he realized that he has lost his home, possessions, friends, and band. He talked for two hours about how he hates the circumstances of his current existance and how he doesn't have money for gifts. He wants to give gifts even though they are not important to us at all. His greatest gift would be sobriety. Actually, it is the present I wish he would give himself. He is sad and sick. He may or may not be using today, but his sadness cannot be denied.

To deal with my own recovery, I see a counselor, take a mild antidepressant, and attend a weekly Alanon meeting. I read selections from Melody Beattie's books and Alanon literature. I am not the insane basketcase that first posted to this site a while back. I feel compassion for my son, but I cannot let my life be controlled by the uncontrolled.

I often read around on SR to get support and to keep up with the husbands, wives and children. I send prayers again for all of us who know too much about the family illness of addiction. Hugs to all of our last and found.
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Old 12-06-2007, 02:10 PM
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Most courts do - far cheaper than putting them in jail!

Lake - you are sounding like you are doing well! Good for you!
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Old 12-06-2007, 02:16 PM
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Kids keep us young huh?

My AS is up to something...I don't ask anymore because he just laughs and says "And what answer WOULD you believe?"

His money habits tell me he's using, his behavior tells me he's not. I can't figure it out so I stopped trying.

I have no idea whats going on with me but life is good regardless. I mean it, No stress, anxiety, stinkin' thinkin'. I've been on a hormonal rollercoaster for a few years and I think something settled down.

But as far as my kids...the are young adults and deserve to be treated as such. Their business, their fixes.

I can live with that.
In the meantime...I get my "fix" with this little one (summer vacation pic when she was mad at everyone and needed a mema fix (she's on my lap)

Thanks for the check in!
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:37 PM
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Hi Susan,
It's so good to hear that Kasey and you are doing well. Sounds like Kasey is really working her program. That is the best Christmas gift a mom could ask for.

Jen is doing really well. She decided to stop taking the Suboxone. It's been about 2 weeks now and she is doing well. She said she didn't feel a need to take it anymore. She wanted to know what I thought and I told her her recovery was hers to control and she had to do what she thought was best.
I don't make those decisions for her anymore.

She looks great and she is signing up for classes in January. Again her decision to make. I will support her and encourage her and love her but I will not tell her what to do, or how to do, or when to do. She seems to be moving along nicely without my control.

I am so glad to have her home for Christmas this year. Last year she was running around L.A. after brain surgery chasing after her drugs. At times I didn't know if she was dead or alive. She didn't have an address so there were no gifts. Praise God she is well today and home.

Thank you, Susan for this post.

Love and friendship...........Lois
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:57 PM
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Hi all,
my "R"AS went into rehab on oct 22, got out nov 20, used on nov 21 and just went bulistic on himself with guilt for doing it. came to me crying "what am I doing, why did I do this, I don't want to be high anymore". I said "well then, you know what you need to do don't you". and walked away.
He's been clean ever since, meetings every night including IOP(I don't know what that stands for but it's counciling from the rehab he was in) he has a sponsor that he calls all the time (and works with so he sees his sponsor everyday) He has always been a skinny kid (he's 6'2" and weighs 160 but always did with or without drugs) but his face is fuller now than it has been in along time.
My sober son and oldest child is a pain in the butt, he works for the teamsters and his job is an on call thing all the time, for some reason he thinks I want and am able to babysit my 1 yr old grandson, with the anxiety that I get I can't keep up with the little angel.
My sober daughter (my middle child) does nothing but help me, she calls or is here everyday, doesn't ask me to babysit my 4 yr old grandson unless it is absolutly necessary. (I can handle him)
Mr. Rahsue is driving me crazy still (he was in a motorcycle accident mothers day and still complains, like I can fix him. Go to the doctors ya dope!!!

well thats it for me
I love being able to spill my guts about stuff, thanks for this post (I'll look forward to next months check in lol)
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Old 12-06-2007, 05:52 PM
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Thumbs up Alcoholic Son not active...

Hi Everyone,

I am at the bottom again. I think I try to cover too many forums and need to change to the most helpful ones like this one. I just hope some of you get into the back posts and see some of us that are late answering.

I need to get new ink cartridges for my printer and keep forgetting to write down the numbers to have in my purse. I have my Christmas letter pretty much finished but need to copy it.

I used to send out a lot of cards but our families are dwindling away with old old age. Both sides of our families seem to live much longer these days.

We won't see three of our children during Christmas but will see the three youngest ones that live near us. Our daughter called us from Seattle this morning saying all was fine where she and her hubby live. They didn't even lose power where it was terrible for the people in Hoquiam and Aberdeen.

I certainly am not in a christmas spirit even though we have a couple of really nice gifts for our six year old grandson.

I spose I could call the Police Station and have them look for my Brother but he would call me & I am sure collect if he really wants to talk with me. He is probably hiding out in his girlfriends beach house unless it blew away with the 100 miles an hour wind.

Must go let my dogs in...see and talk with you all later. :ghug

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Old 12-06-2007, 06:04 PM
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Fantastic to hear that there is Lots of good stuff going on with many of us.
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Old 12-06-2007, 07:25 PM
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Love this check in, so good to hear some good news, and sending prayers for the not so good news.

Well, things looking on the upbeat side around here this year...(considering BOTH sons were in prison last year...) youngest son, is living with his GF and working full time....and we love the GF, she's a doll, and easy to get along with, and KNOWS his history.

Oldest son working full time in California, coming home for Xmas, complaining about working so hard every chance he gets....
He's been hired on full time, I'll be curious to see if he returns to this job after the holidays are over.

Hugs to all,
P.S. Sis love the pics, those babies are adorable, and Cece, she's cute too, even crying those crocodile tears!
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Old 12-06-2007, 08:59 PM
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Hi to all
AD is doing well, has over 5 months clean. She's dealing with final papers, final projects and final exams. She will be home for 10 days over winter break, has to leave the college apt for that time, I think??? Then she'll go back to her job near school and I guess just hang out with friends she's made there. Her car is still hanging on, it may or may not make it here for break.
I on the other hand, need to be twins in order to get my act together for Xmas. Somehow I just don't have it together this year. And I just check in and lurk to see how everyone's doing on here and keep you all in my prayers.
And my niece, who has had the return of her cancer started chemo on the day she went to see her oncologist. That's practically unheard of, she keeps talking about the angels helping her that day, I just smiled and said, yep. Please keep her in your prayers.
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Old 12-06-2007, 09:09 PM
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I'll contribute as well. We still haven't heard from A step-daughter since we wouldn't bail her out. It's been about 2 months. Last I heard, her grandmother was looking into helping her move into an apt.
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Old 12-06-2007, 09:16 PM
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My AS is home for an overnight. I've seen him quite a bit recently which is sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse. He can be the whiniest, most ungrateful person. And then he can be a good kid. All of the drug tests have come back clean both at the outpatient program and the oxford house. So I think he is doing well there. His counselor told him that i he had a clean screen after new years he could come home.

I am doing pretty well. i am still struggling with holding on to my sanity at times. My moods swing according to the latest phone call, but I am really trying to put things in perspective. He is a spoiled brat who isn't getting what he wants so he has to gripe to mommy. Arrgh! So I guess you could say I am hardening in my feelings towards him. A good thing. It's taken me a while to get there. On the cool side, I went to a teacher's conference this week and rode up with a lady I didn't know too well. It turns out that her step son is currently in rehab. We had a good time sharing our struggles and I made a new friend. So God provides, even when we don't expect it.
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