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Monthly parent check in!!!

Old 12-06-2007, 10:09 PM
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My AS is still doing his thing up in Oregon. But he seems to be in a better place emotionally. Not sure why, not sure I want to know why. I think he's still heavily involved with Marijuana. but he is trying to get a job back on a Ski mountain for the Winter, so the fact he is looking beyond the day is always good. He calls lately to say hi and doesn't seem to try to pick a fight. He seems to be trying to have a relationship that is respectful to me. so I am trying to enjoy it. and not keep waiting for((?)). It is weird to have given up on trying to change his way of thinking though for both of us.
Cathy
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Old 12-06-2007, 10:43 PM
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Good posts - everyone.


And Cece1960 - you know that little pickle wouldn't cry like that unless you pinched her.... (grin!) What a pitiful little pearl! .... big sweet hugs from Auntie Big!
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Old 12-07-2007, 01:20 AM
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(its me, sleepy, again)
Just wanted to say thanks to all of you for just being here. It's wonderful (I have looked long and hard) to finally have a group of parents of addicts to share their stuff with me and vice-versa. You all keep my honest and hopeful.
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Old 12-07-2007, 06:22 AM
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I'm checking in. I am doing well getting ready for the holidays.
Still have not heard from AS or SD. Did hear they both are doing well, and my AS has over a year clean. I am proud of him for that, and he is speaking to others about addiction. That is a good thing.
I am so happy to hear so much good news, and to see everyone is working on their recoveries.
Hugs to all of you
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Old 12-07-2007, 08:43 AM
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I love this check in!! Thanks to all who've published their stories of hope and thanks also to those still struggling. I need to hear both. Me, my update is under the thread "Escalation" which pretty much says it all. For here I'll say, I'm learning and trying to do the next right thing.
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Old 12-07-2007, 09:14 AM
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So very glad to read this update on everyone, the success stories, of the daughters and sons who are in sobriety, the parents that are taking care of theirselves regardless of their childs situation, and the hope that I hear in each and every post.

My AD has really spiralled downward lately, arrested domestic violence, then hospitalized twice for drug use, stay in-patient for about 10 days on a mental health floor, and just found out this week, she is incarcerated. Probation violation and 9 other counts, 6 of which are felonies. So far I am not accepting a collect call from the jail, praying for the strength to stay firm on that.

All three of her precious little children are in 3 seperate homes, praying also for the ability to be able to give them their gifts a few days before Christmas and may sneak in a little ReeRee's snuggle.

But no matter what I know that me & my God are going to be ok, even better than OK.

Wishing Each of you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
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Old 12-07-2007, 12:04 PM
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I'm not trying to be contrary, and I am new around here, but how is accepting the call from jail enabling? That's not the same as paying her bail. I don't think they are allowed to make any other kind of call but collect ones. My AD called from jail over the summer, crying etc, and I told her I would not 'get her out of here' but I was still able to say I love you and stuff.
Curious to know what you and others think on this.
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Old 12-07-2007, 12:16 PM
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I don't think accepting a call from jail is enabling when it is a call to let you know that she has been arrested. You need to know where she is. I think it becomes enabling when she calls everyday or a few times a day asking you to get her out. Begging and pleading is not something you should subject yourself to when she is the one who put herself there in the first place and she just has to learn to deal with it.

When my RAD was put in jail three times I did talk to her also. I told her that she had to make the best of it and that I loved her. I told her I would NOT bail her out and do not call me to do so. I told her I would not visit her in jail or put money on her card. She knew I would not subject myself to those standards. Although her jail stints were short I stuck by that. I may have changed my mind if it would have been a longer time. But bailing her out...NEVER.

I don't see anything wrong with talking to her as long as she knows and understands that you will not bail her out or put up with the pleading to get out.

Boundaries are different for everyone. Maybe some would not want to speak to their loved one in jail at all.....but that may not be what is right for you and your AD. Do what is comfortable for you. I don't think there is a right or wrong way......just your way.

Hugs...............Lo
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Old 12-07-2007, 02:12 PM
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not taking her calls is a personal boundary for me.

I agree it is a decision each person has to make for theirselves.

First, I had to give myself some time to process all the emotions I had about what was going on, if I don't; it is possible that I would react to some of the things she would say over the phone.

The nite that she called 6 times in less than 30 mins, was the nite that I had just found out about it - so I needed some time and space. As with many A's, she only wants to hear what she wants to hear.

She may say "Oh, I hear you, I understand you don't want to talk about that and then go right back to the same subject."

She's not in recovery, so of course that's all she's going to do.

What may be enabling for me and my situation may not be for you. So please just because I can't take calls today, doesn't mean that you can't, my friend. That is the beauty of recovery, we have choices.

I may sign back on-line on Monday and tell you that I was able to go visit her Sunday - who knows - not I that is too far away for me to even think about. Today at 3:00 pm, I know I'm not in the right place to take calls from her from jail. That's my decision right now, it could change. I will trust that my HP will guide me on what is right for me and for her.

It is so tough to know what is right with our precious children - balance is the main thing that I try to ask other parents to try for - balance in taking care of themselves as well as their children - whether they be 2 or 20 or 30.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita
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Old 12-07-2007, 04:28 PM
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RAD & he fiance are still doing fine. She has over 7 months clean & fiance has wver 18 months. I see my daughter growing in ways that are wonderful. She is truley caring about others. It has been a long time. She is for the most part financially responsable. The is one bill she owes $250 on & hasn't been paying like she should. But that is her deal not mine. (codi mom really wanted to pay it...but recovery mom didn't.) But all in all I have truley seen her blossom. She works with her sponser & goes to meetings. Not as many as she used to, but it seems to be working for her. She just joined a gym. Hopefully she can stick to it & feel healthy. Glad to hear the updates on everyone. Thanks!
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Old 12-08-2007, 09:06 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Great thread!

My AD and the little granddaughter are doing quite well, actually. We (me, Mr. M, SD, AD and granddaughter) all spent a wonderful Thanksgiving together. We all saw a significant difference in AD's attitude and behavior!! Whoopee!

Things have gone even better since then and AD and dear little girl are coming over Christmas Eve and spending the night!!!! This is the first time in nearly 5 years that she will be spending the night! We are pretty excited about it and can't wait for Christmas morning to give some toys and other presents to grandbaby. SD will not be with us this year; poor girl, she is flying to CA to spend 3 weeks of her Christmas break with her old roommate and play tourist and see all the things she didn't get to see when she lived there.

So glad to be able to share this wonderful news about AD with all of you. Those of you who know me and my journey
with my AD know that this type of behavior from her is completely different. Last Christmas was the end of a year in which she would not allow us to talk to her or see our granddaughter, and now this!

It just has to lead you to believe that there is always hope and just when you think you have lost the war, you discover that you may have been wrong!

Best of the Holidays to everyone and your families!

Hugs,
Marteen
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Old 12-08-2007, 02:51 PM
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Thanks for all the bright post.
It will help me get through the next few weeks.
Dh in treatment as of today (4th time in the last 18 months)
This time she is not coming home. I just needd to stick to my guns.
Hopfully I can offer a positive post next month
Trisha
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Old 12-08-2007, 10:05 PM
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Dh in treatment as of today (4th time in the last 18 months)
This time she is not coming home. I just needd to stick to my guns.
Hopfully I can offer a positive post next month
((((Trisha)))) She is safe and she is in treatment..That IS a positive post. Hugs and prayers for both of you.
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Old 12-08-2007, 10:20 PM
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Well, my oldest son is in a half way house doing very well. He just got moved to another room. His previous room mate was filthy and son went crazy over it. He finally got moved. So, he's doing ok for now.

Youngest son is still in jail. He has complained of a lump in his throat, and has lost a ton of weight. Going on 3 weeks now, they won't get him in to a doctor. I cried, I worried, then I stopped. There's not much I can do. He doesn't want me stirring up trouble for him. It's a waiting game for me. Will he get sicker? Will I have to intervene and call a state representitive? I don't know yet.
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Old 12-09-2007, 06:25 AM
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Ad is still in jail will be until Apr 1st. not really sure if she will change when she gets out or not. She talks like she will but then again she did that the last time she was in jail. Still haven't decided if we will let her stay here when she gets out or not, will cross that bridge when we come to it. As I posted before we have the kids now so they will be safe.
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Old 12-09-2007, 09:16 AM
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All is well in Catland for today. AS is working, paying his bills, watching Rachel Ray and learning how to cook. Go figure. Still drinking a lot and smoking some pot, but for today functional and being responsible.
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Old 12-09-2007, 09:32 AM
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My son is still missing, but he's in God's hands today and that gives me hope.

I'm in God's hands too, and He has provided a beautiful winter day for me to relax and enjoy. I may take a walk later and thank Him.

Hugs from another mama.
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Old 12-09-2007, 09:39 AM
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Going on 3 weeks now, they won't get him in to a doctor. I cried, I worried, then I stopped. There's not much I can do. He doesn't want me stirring up trouble for him
Wascally, how well I remember those feelings. My daughter had to serve time for a DUI and certain things were going on that I felt were absolutely horrible. (My lack of knowledge about anything but living in freedom probably had a lot to do with this) I too was very upset and wanted to do something. I wrote a long letter that I was going to submit to a legislator's contact us site. I was smart enough to write it all out and not hit submit, thank heavens. It helped me to get those feelings out, and then I asked my HP to give my daughter strength and keep her safe. He heard me, my daughter took care of her business and I escaped putting myself into her stuff (just barely) Her 2 months there were by no means nice, but she is a stronger and more responsible person today and her relationship with her higher power is beautiful.

Hugs to you...I know how difficult it is but for today, i think you have done the right thing for both of you and it sounds like your son does too.
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Old 12-09-2007, 03:02 PM
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AS has not called me in over a week. I took off last week to take him to court and havent heard from him since. He could care less. Doesnt appreciate a thing. He's staying at the fathers house where the substances fly. He would prefer to be where he can do what he wants with stable mom not nagging him. Didnt call me for Thanksgiving...dont expect he will spend Christmas with me either. I'm breathing deeply everyday and praying that god watches over him. I'm praying that someday he will realize what he is doing to my heart. He'll be going back into rehab anyday now. Maybe he'll have some time to think. Who knows. I'm keeping it together for my other son and grandson.
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Old 12-09-2007, 04:47 PM
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:ghug2

Sorry it's taken me so long to update.
Not much has changed, I'm afraid.
My son is still living with the elderly gf. lol
He recently went on a job interview with her and they both
were suppose to start working in a factory that inspects german
auto parts. I gave him 50.00 for a pair of boots and safety goggles.
I'll never learn, I guess.
He bought the stuff he needed, only to find out that the job opening is only
for 1 person. He can't work unless she works with him. They only have her car for transportation. She is still going to work where she is for now. I hate that they live in the boonies. There's a convienience (sp?) store/gas station in this town and that's about it. I guess that's better than him being in a city where the dope flies.
He is seeing his doctor (psychiatrist) regularly and was recently put on an added med. Zoloft.
Don't ask me. I have no idea where this is going. He takes 2 other meds, as well. One for bi-polar symptoms, and one to help him sleep.
I just wish he would talk about himself more during his counseling sessions.
I feel he's not getting anywhere, except medicated.
I've learned to just let go, ya know?
We talk daily about...nothing.
Well, at least we talk. lol I need to stop complaining, I reckon. lol
Thanks for reading and sending you all big mama and papa hugs.
With love, hope, faith, and prayers,
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