Lovestoomuch

I don't even know where to begin. If I hadn't picked up the phone he would have just kept calling.

My exabf who claims to have been clean for almost a year has been calling my phone non stop now since about Thanksgiving........I think I even posted about it. Anyhow.........Thursday morning beginning around 2 am the phone rang every 2 to 4 minutes non stop until I finally picked it up around 5:30. He was calling so much I wouldn't have even had the chance to call the police. That's how tied up he had my phone!!

Since I'd been avoiding his calls he was .......ummmmm.........pretty irrational at this point.

He threatened to come down and take my life. Said he bought a gun. Said I took something from him that he loved ..........which was me.....idiot.....anyhow, so he was going to take something away from me that I loved........which is my life without him. He said "You owe me".

This was all before I had to go to work. You can imagine what my work day was like.

So when I got home I called the sheriffs department and they sent out a deputy who couldn't even take a report. Why? Because he was calling from out of state and using his cell phone. Florida doesn't see that as an immediate threat although it would only take him about 10 hours to be here on my door step if he so chose to follow through with his threat of seeing me this weekend.

The state's attorney won't subpoena cell phone records either!! It does not matter that this man has threatened my life. It does not matter that he is and has been a dangerous man in the past. None of this matters until I'm dead pretty much.

The officer looked almost embarrassed to have to tell me all of this. He looked at me and said "This is not coming from my badge, but from my heart. Buy a gun. Let him enter your home then shoot him."

My mother bought me one of those fancy tazer guns and I'm going for my gun permit. I hate this so much. I have the restraining order in place.......but I have in the past too and to no avail..........well, most of you who have been here a while know the deal with that.

Anyhow.......the idiot calls tonight and claims to have thrown the gun in the pond. Now.......let me give you a little history. When we were engaged........
(and btw thank goodness I never went through with it ) he took my ring back. I knew he pawned it for drugs but he claims to have been so mad he threw it in the pond. Each time he was supposedly quitting drugs he always threw them in the pond. You get the idea?

I'm safe for now, but I still don't trust him. Just the idea that he's entertaining such thoughts puts me on edge.

I know what some of you are thinking when I say I answered the phone. That's the only way I'm able to know what he's up to. My gut tells me If I hadn't of answered that call Thursday morning, I'd probably be seeing him this weekend. I may have saved my behind by answering that phone.

I've said many times before how I've developed a few close friendships here on SR. I never knew how close till I got a call from kj0975 ((Kim)). She took it upon herself to call the Corporal of the police department here and was on the phone with the freaking mayor!! LOL She said they couldn't handle her LOL. Cookconfay ((Connie)) also placed a phone call. I'd love to have been a fly on the wall just to see the faces of those people my girls were giving a tongue lashing to about all of this. I love my girls!!


An active addict can be very unpredictable. An active addict who has also been abusive can be a ticking time bomb. I urge anyone in a relationship like I was to get out while you can. Don't wait. Don't expect miracles to happen in your relationship like I did. The reality of it all is this.........

I didn't ask for this. I didn't want any of this. I fell in love with a man who fell in love with a drug. I thought my leaving him might have saved him. No......I was horribly wrong. Nothing can save him until he seeks help. Nothing I could have done either way would have saved him.

He's angry......says I hurt him.......I put him through hell and now he's taking me to hell with him.

I left to save myself. I left because I learned that I deserve better. I won't let him take me down.......not without a fight.

He now says he wants to be friends. I think he's psychotic. I think when he's using he's remorseful and when he's coming down he's dangerous. All I can do is everything in my own power to protect myself from this jerk and that's what I'm going to do.

When you hear "I'm so sorry.....it'll never happen again." Please remember what I'm telling you tonight. This may not be your addict, but I'll bet someone suffers in silence who can relate to what I'm saying. I hope I can touch on at least one life.

I apologize for the length of this post. I had to get this out there. Do what you must to protect yourselves, your finances and your sanity. All said with love.

raerae6

Wow...I can't believe the cops down there are so short-handed that they can't even get somebody to your house for the report??!!

Way to go Connie and Kim!!

I think the cops advice of "let him in your home and shoot him" was dumb as hell...I mean letting him in is a bad idea I would think. And who wants a possible murder rap on your hands!

I think it was good that you answered the phone cause sometimes talking to a crazy person can calm them down a little. It sounds like abusiveness is as big or worse of a problem than the drugs?

Does he know where you work too?

Can you go and stay with someone else for a while?

Geez...I don't know what to say. Please do whatever you can to stay safe!!!


(((Hugs)))

Lovestoomuch

They did send an officer out. He just didn't make a report. It wouldn't be followed up because of the circumstances.

In Florida we have some wild west gun law. If you're in your car or on your property and feel threatened you can legally shoot someone!! Crazy as it may seem I'm almost relieved to know we have such a law. It might be the only thing to stop someone like my ex........because the law sure isn't here to protect us.

I'm going to my mom's Sunday to stay for a little bit. Cinderella and Lies are coming down tomorrow to see me. We'll finally get to meet after all this time.

Believe me. I'm doing what I can to protect myself and no laws will be broken. I pray it never comes down to having to resort to such violence, but if your life is at risk..........I'm not going out like that.......not by him that's for sure.

And Kim.......lol.......she's totally my hero!! She left the Corporal speechless!!

cece

((((Loves))))
so sorry you have to deal with this this weekend. although the majority of the times its just threats to hurt and scare, I am worried about you and want you to take care of yourself.
I wish there was an easy way to get him out of your life or at least where he can't contact you.
so sorry again.
Praying for you.
Cathy

Wascally Wabbit

Aw loves, what a thing to have to deal with on a daily basis.
I am stupified at the fact they woudn't even take a report!
Is there any way you could move?

I am glad to hear that you won't hold back if he shows up at your door. I will pray for you that nothing ever happens and he finally gets tired and gives up.

cece1960

(((Loves)))
I wish we could just make it (him) stop.
I understand your fear, and the lack of options when dealing with an irrational person.
But I fear guns more.
Way too often, it ends up with harm to the one who never wanted to take a life.
Please continue to look into all of your options...for your sake.
And I hope he falls in the pond (did I say that out loud?)
(((Hugs)))
Cece

Morning Glory

Here is a book that might help.

https://www.gavindebecker.com/books-gof.cfm

frankly

((Loves))

You know I love you girl, so take what I'm about to say with a grain of salt. It's time to make a stand. It's time to end this, and yes you can do it. You can't continue to live your life overshadowed by a bully.

Don't take no for an answer from the cops or any one else. You have a restraining order, that included contact. The man may be out of the state on a cell, but guess what, that just made it federal. Contact the FBI, and keep contacting them until they are so sick of hearing from you that they will do just about anything. Push, push and keep pushing until he is locked up. Do the same thing with the state attorneys office. They can and do supeona cell phone records. Start recording everything. When he calls, the first words out of your mouth should be, this is being recorded, if you don't want it recorded hang up now, and record it. Keep logs of every call, each one can be counted as a seperate charge. Show him you aren't going to take it any more. Give him one warning, call again and I will procecute, then do it.

If you intend to get a gun for safety, then take a class, go target practicing, make yourself familiar and safe with it. Don't ever draw a gun to scare. If you draw it, be prepared to use it without hesitation, otherwise it could be the very thing they need to use against you.

Dog this thing like you would if this were happening to your daughter. Stand up to this bully once and for all, he will not stop until he knows you mean business. Get mad Chris, get determined to put a stop to it.

All said with love and prayers
B

Ann

Change your number to an unpublished number, Loves.

Don't think for a minute that you can "out-think" someone who is crazy.

Getting a gun so you can shoot him if he comes around is not the answer, either. You let him annoy you into picking up the phone, do you really think you could shoot this guy without hesitation and live with yourself after you did?

Contact a Women's Abuse centre...this IS abuse. They have resources and contacts that you do not. They have a louder "voice". They have access to free legal advice and a safe place to be if you feel threatened.

You have two choices Loves. You can live in fear and let the drama continue. OR, you can contact people who can help you and let them do that.

Either way, stop talking to this man. Each time you do invites more of the same.

And stop saying "but, but, but..."

I'm leaving the steel toed bunny slippers on for this one, Loves. Put down the gun and pick up the phone and get help from those who know where real help is.

Hugs

Momsrainbow

I am so sorry you are going through this. Frankly & Ann are so right in what they are saying. Never had a violence problem-just constant BS. I told the police they might as well thow Me in jail because I would call them every 5 minutes until they did something. I called the county, I called the state-I called everyone. I was a screaming raving lunatic for days. I put up NO TRESPASSING SIGNS!!!! He is locked up now on drug charges and believe it or not-AH is seeking help-truly finally.

This is a good ole boy state but believe me if you keep at the police-they will get tired of the calls and do something. Something is better than the nothing they seem to be doing. There may be laws but the police know the way around them-if they want to.

Please take care of yourself.

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guineapigjude

((((((Kris))))))) So sorry he is putting you through this again! You are one strong woman, and an inspiration ~ you always use the bad situations he puts you in for the good of others. You rock.
Here's an off the wall idea ~ have you ever thought of contacting your state rep, senator, etc? Maybe if you can get the ear of someone with some clout, they can help. I know years back my daughter was born with a heart defect. We bought our own health insurance and the provider refused to insure her. the state said we made too much money to get assistance! I finally wrote a letter to my state senator, and lo and behold we got her on state health insurance. You (and your SR posse!) are great cage rattlers ... if nothing else, you might get some bigwig thinking about changing some laws.
Praying, praying, praying for you. Stay safe.
Hey, is De Pond located next to De Nile?!

Lovestoomuch

I didn't mean to come off like some gun toting crazy woman. I'm neither although this is driving me nuts. The thing of it is, and one of the reasons I left for Texas the way I did was because he just shows up. The response time for the police to arrive is no sooner than 45 minutes each time I've had to call........and I've had to call A LOT in the past.

I've had to take myself to the woman's abuse shelter, I've had to get the restraining orders, move, change my number and all of that. I've had the emergency bag packed, money set aside, keys hidden, cell phone charged. I've done all of that.

When I left for Texas and he couldn't get a hold of me he came down from where he's at and broke in my home. My daughter saw him, called me and I called the police from Texas! Then and only then was I able to have him arrested. That's why I finally picked up the phone. I fear if I don't know what he's up to I could very well be in more danger because past history shows what he is actually capable of. That's what our argument with the States Attorney is all about. That's what he's not listening to.

It's not always as easy as just ignoring it or avoiding it and hoping it will go away by itself.

I ordered the book Morning Glory suggested last night and anticipate it's arrival. Believe me, If there are any other possible ways to avoid this I'm all ears. I can run from this ass for the rest of my life or until he finally gives up.......if he gives up....... or I can find a way to fight back. Either way........I will be heard.

The last time I was at the abuse shelter the woman running the place said a lot of the safe shelters aren't what they used to be. They're over crowded and the one here has had to turn women out who weren't in immediate danger because there was simply no room. That's the category I fit into. Because of the laws set in place in this particular state I can honestly see why so many women end up beaten almost to death or worse. It's sad. The laws need to change.

As I've asked the officer, the State's Attorney and the woman running the abuse safe house, "when exactly is he an immediate threat? When he's at my doorstep?"

With that said, I think I've not made a mistake by picking up the phone and being able to know what he's up to. In this particular situation it seems I only have myself to rely on at this point. When he gets here or steps foot in the state that's possibly a different case. But by then.........who really knows.

guineapigjude

You know, its the same old BS. We had a kid in school that we [I]knew[I]was in danger. We called DSS, did everything we could. There was so much red tape, so much "you can't proves". The kid ended up dying, and of course it was the "why didn't someone do something" routine.
Even with my XAH, who everyone in his little hick town knows is a drug abuser and drunk ... you still have to jump through hoops, spin on your head and spit nickels before you can get the court to say ~ "Hey, the guy's not fit to be around the kids!"
I realize we're all innocent til proven guilty, but sometimes it feels like the laws are there to protect the bad guys...
Yup, I agree that picking up the phone was a good idea. At least you have a glimpse into where his mind is at that moment. Forewarned can be a good thing.

helpus

(((Kris))) I'm so sorry it's starting again. $%^#!@. Stay safe. Sending hugs & prayers.

Elana

I have not been posting here lately. However, this post, and Love's words have brought me on.

The gun toting killer-coward in the Mall in Omaha had a felony drug conviction in HIS past. I suspected as much when I heard his parents tossed him out, his GF dumped him and he lost his job at McDonalds!!!! I said to myself, "Sounds like a drug addict to me...." Then the previous drug conviction in his past came up. What a surprise.

Drug users are DANGEROUS PEOPLE. Period. Do not fool yourself for a MINUTE that they are not.

Kris: You have done all the suggestions.. the womens shelter, the police and all the rest. There is no more time for talking to this man. Talking time is over. PROTECT YOURSELF. The papers are filled with stories of people, mostly women, who did not. This is not a warm and fuzzy situation. As your XABF noted, this is about your most precious thing. This is YOUR LIFE.

A gun and knowing how to use it may be a good idea. I have two. Beyond knowing how to use it and practicing using it you must know, in your heart, that you WILL use it if necessary (in these situations, he who hesitates is lost). If you do not believe, in your heart, that you would use it.. that you would hesitate or might hesitate, don't bother getting one. It will be more of a danger to you than it will be against the intruder. Really think about this. I know because I have.

I handle everything the "other way (softer with police etc.)" until they are in my house and threatening me. My reaction will be swift and accurate because ultimately my life is my most precious commodity. I know I won't hesitate.

frankie_b

Kris, think you can stay ahead of Shank? What does that do for you other than keep you in the russian roulette, cat and mouse game. No contact with
your abuser is the first advice domestic violence experts give.
I contacted the Okeechobee DV hotline at 863 763-0202. Expert help, support and advice is available to you at this number 24/7.
Love you Kris. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

marle

Just sending some hugs and prayers of support, Kris. You do what you need to to protect yourself. Hugs, Marle

Lovestoomuch

Noah asked me just recently "What would you do if he were harming one of your children?" My response was "I'd do everything in my power to protect them." Then he asked me if my life was any less valuable. I had never thought of that until right then at that very moment.

I think what's happened is there have been one too many law suits filed by criminals and they've somehow won their cases. What about the victims? A dead person can't file a law suit. Their voices are silenced before they even get the chance.

So the laws are changed to protect those who break it more so than for the victims because we can always find a way out. Whatever! It's always easy to sit on the other side and tell the person what they could do and what choices they have. It's not always as easy as that.

I've done some volunteering at a womens shelter and have heard their stories. Some worse than others of course but to see some women turned out because there were no beds available was heart breaking. As selfish as it seems, I had to stop. I wanted to take them all home with me and you just can't do that either.

This officer wasn't giving me card blanch to shoot my ex. He's seen this type of situation too many times and you could see the hurt in his eyes because he's completely helpless in the fact that he himself has to uphold laws he doesn't agree with.

Lovestoomuch

I've been in contact with them. They asked me if I had some place to go. I will be going to my mothers for a while and my daughter will take care of my dog. I leave tomorrow actually. They're supposed to call me back with a number to a victims advocacy group. Maybe they can point me in another direction.......

I'm just tired guys! Sick and tired. I've had enough. Somehow someone has to be able to do something........in the mean time though.......I'm taking care of me.

duet_4-8

Wow Kris,
I am so sorry you are still dealing with him. Personally, I don't see a problem with a gun, particularly a tazer. It wouldn't kill him and it would give you time to get away, right? (I don't know much about those; I would be sure it carried a strong enough charge to knock the crap out of him...)

I don't know what to say about the phone calls; I understand what you mean when you say if you didn't answer, he would show up. Been there, done that, have the tee shirt.....Is there anyway you could record him as proof of what he is saying? I just cannot believe that Florida law is so f'd up!!!! It makes me so angry!!!!!

I wish I could do something to help in the physical realm, please know that I will be praying for God to intervene and protect you.

You know, I own the Rockin' C now....you have a place to stay in Tennessee if you need it, sister! Love you!