getting there
 

I am trying to stop worrying about my A's problems. I keep thinking of the things he should be doing to cleanup his mess, but then I stop myself and realize I don't need to worry about what he is doing, or not doing. It is so hard. He has been able to find elsewhere to sleep for the last 3 nights. I am enjoying the peace. But I still find myself jumping into the future thinking I need to take of things RIGHT NOW. But I don't. I can wait and see, do the mortgage in Jan., split the furniture, change around car insurances, etc. I don't know if he really gets that it is over. Heck I don't even know 100%. But he has alot of things to clear up and I really want him to be clean, working regularely, for at least 1 year before I even think of letting him back into my life. But then theres the thing about once and addict always an addict. Do I want to do this again in ?? years? NO. there were so many times he let me down, lied to me and my family. I must remember that there are other men out there who do not lie. BUt do they cook, clean, love my kids, love me warts and all??? I know only time can help me right now, I just want to know everything NOW!!!! time, time time....

Time takes time KJ.
I'm not one known for my patience either so I understand what you're saying. In fact, I've often felt for those here that have their future so significantly affected by the actions of another.
But it sounds like you're making steps toward finding your light.
Even baby steps eventually lead you down the right path.
(((Hugs)))
Cece

KJ - you have helped me today. My AH enters rehab tomorrow, and I, too, am jumping in to the future. I know I can't solve his problems and am working on letting go and letting god take care of mine.

In my purse I have a "just for today" bookmark and wanted to share it with you - I have read it a couple times to myself today already -

"Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."