drainedwife

i am not making excuses for myself...i made mistakes and was misguided. but i honestly made those mistakes in an effor to gain an edge when my spirit felt broken. i learned the hard way that there is no edge, just bad temptations that work temporarily but eventually cause great harm. any occaisional, small use now, is nothing more than a remnant of a bad habit which occasionally shows itself. but as each day goes by, i get further and further from that time when i used daily to gain my energy. as that past fades, life does get easier for me, despite whatever you may think or have been told.

could this be true???? i dont think so...he admits to using occassionally now, although this is the first time ive heard that in a long time....he has not stopped cold turkey, but can you wean yourself off, like he is saying???

also, if he is not using much, than how could he be so delusional about me pleasuring myself when i am not doing so?????

i guess it doesnt matter, & im still looking for hope when there is none.

marle

My daughter has those moments of insight. The only problem is she won't work a program of recovery and so she just falls back to what she knows best. I don't get as excited about the words like I used to. When I see some action on her part, then I will have some hope that things might change. Just err on the side of caution and you will be okay. Hugs, Marle

just for today

I realize you have been asked this many times, but as far as I can tell you have never given an answer....How long do you intend to let him rent space in your head, how long are you going to make excuses, how long are you going to allow your child/children live in this insanity.......I am not trying to be mean, I wish you would look at what you are doing to you and if not you, look at what you are asking your kid to endure....a dad that is a addict, no matter how many excuses you make or how many times he shoots you a bunch of bull, he is a addict and will do what addicts do.....and a mom that allows that behavior in her and their lives.......

The only way to get through this is to go through it.....yes there is pain and heartache, yes it is scary......yes it is a lot of things we had rather not experience, but it is what it is....and it will not get any less hurtful or scary to put off doing the thing that is right for you and your family (and I'm not including AH)......your daughter is learning from this situation, that it is OK for a husband to abuse his wife....that disrespect is OK.....

I am sorry to come across so harsh...I don't say these things to get you to do what I or anyone else wants....I say these things because I have first hand knowledge that you cannot save anyone but yourself......you and your children are your first priority.....when you look back on your life and when your children look back on their childhood what is it that you want to see, what is it about your life now that you want to remember.....

All said because of care and concern for you.....

cinderellawkids

I think he may believe its true, but does it work? Not for any of those Ive known that have tried. He's an emotional rollercoaster and likely isnt sure what hes feeling one moment to the next

drainedwife

Just for today--
no, you are not being harsh--you are waking me up!! ive become so used to this so-called life, that i forget sometimes that it is NOT living!!
keep it coming, these things i need to hear...i need to wake up and stop thinking about him and start taking care of me and my girls....
you words are helping me to realize this.....so thank you!

Abundance

Piggy back on this thread... you all speak to me and WAKE ME UP too!

:: just passing through :: to show support!

You all make so much sense... thank you

duet_4-8

I think you said it best....nothing he says matters.....there is no hope unless he decides to find it for himself. There's nothing you can do but save yourself and your kids. Don't trust him for one second. Keep your guard up, and your eyes and ears open. Document everything. You can get through this but only when you decide that it is what YOU want. Stop trying to figure him out.

BigSis

Doesn't matter what he SAYS...

Doesn't matter what he WRITES...

Doesn't matter what he "might" do...

Doesn't matter what he "swears" is true...

Doesn't matter what he "knows" will happen...



What matters is what you do.


Call the lawyer - make an appointment, follow his advice.



(((all my thoughts are with you)))

guineapigjude

You know what, Drained, IMO, I think you're hoping it will just go away and you will have peace. Who can blame you? You want to believe there's a chance ... he makes you question yourself ... and the life you know with him might be Hell, but it's the Hell you know. Life without him will be a new, scary experience. But think of it this way ... if nothing changes, nothing changes. You have the opportunity to move on to a new life, and that new life maybe, just maybe, will be better than you imagined, and will be filled with a permanent, true peace, not a temporary reprieve.
He doesn't play by the rules, because for him they keep changing. Take care of yourself ~ for you and the girls.

frankie_b

Forget everything he says, may say or do.
It's you life. It's up to you to be assertive about taking care of it. ONLY you. He's an addict. He lies and is 100% unpredictable, untrustworthy
and that is all you can count on from him.

Reality is all you have to contend with. Stay in reality.
It may not be what you like and want, yet it is what it is.
Hiding from it does not change it.

outonalimb

[QUOTE=drainedwife;1590188 im still looking for hope when there is none.[/QUOTE]



Ahhh...but there IS hope!! You're just looking in the wrong place for it Drained!


You might feel inextricably bound to your AH and his problems right now but the truth is that this is YOUR life. You get to live it any way you want.

You get to decide if you want to deal with the mad ravings of a drug addict.

You get to decide if you want to listen to your husband say one thing and do yet another time and time and time again.

You get to decide if you want to chase your ah around with drug tests in order to try and catch him doing something that you already KNOW he is doing.

You get to decide if your kids should grow up in a stable, peaceful home with ONE SANE PARENT instead of two insane ones.

You get to decide how long you want to dance this insane dance with him. The choice is yours!

Take yourself out of the victim role for a moment and accept the fact that your life and the life of your children from this point forward will be the result of the decisions you make. Period. You can't continue to blame him for your problems when you refuse to do anything to change things for yourself. The responsiblity lies with you and only you to fix things.

I left my exah with my child in tow.
You'll NEVER hear me say it was easy. It wasn't. But once I got out I began to see that life can actually be happy and joyous and free!! I had forgotten all of this! I got so used to living in the misery and pain that I actually forgot that life is meant to be lived...and not feared !!!

Your hope lies in the fact that your a healthy able-bodied woman who can leave and take care of her children and provide them with a stable home environment. You have the option to leave. You have the option to create a new life for yourself at any moment. Its yours for the taking. THIS is where your hope lies, my dear. IT lies with YOU. Stop looking to him for it...and look within!!!

kj0975

Weel put OOAL

lightseeker

Out -

You are a breath of fresh air and you sure did put it well. Yes - it can be done and it is definitely worth it. Living with an addict makes us as sick as an addict......

Drained, I sure am thinking about you and am praying for the safety and well being of you and your children.

Stay strong and do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

Donna

Impurrfect

Drained -

As an RA.....I SAID a lot of things similar to what he said...usually when I was temporarily clean. It wasn't until my ACTIONS spoke louder than any words I could say, did my family even think about believing me.

Everyone's right....take care of you and stop worrying about whether or not he really means what he says. Focus on what YOU want from life and go for it.

I know how we addicts think when we're active and it cannot possibly make sense to someone who is not an addict. I wouldn't believe anything he says until he has months of recovery (and you'll know by his actions). That's just me, though.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy