sjr

it's my fault she......

failed her grade last year
is failing her grade this year
skips school all day
skips school part of the day
has no friends
has no boyfriend
has no social life
can't ever do anything she wants
can't find her clothes
can't find her shoes
can't fit into her clothes
clothes are to big
clothes are to little
just not enough clothes
needs a haircut
stays up all night
sleeps all day
can't sleep
her nana is mad at her
cant come home on time
wont come home at all
has no money
has no hobbies
doesn't have a driver's license
she cant just 'chill out'
doesn't have a job
doesn't have a car
gets stressed out
has to scream at me
has to curse at me
doesn't have trust
can't pass a drug test
can't help around the house
can't walk the dog
she lies about who she is with/where she is going/and what she does when she gets there

HAS TO DO DRUGS.....oh but wait, she isn't doing drugs anymore...hmmm...but again~she can't pass a drug test?????

what isn't my fault?

~i don't know what things i left out...i could give her the list she could finish filling it in for me~ alot of these i heard tonight....just pondering the question what is there that isn't my fault?????

i know, i know....it's not my fault....but dang it !

Impurrfect

((((sjr)))))

remember...most addicts will blame others for everything wrong in their life.

It's no use trying to discuss rationally with her....she's not thinking rationally (or she wouldn't be blaming you). I always like the reply I learned here "it must suck to be you", but something else you may want to try is "okay, so you think everything is my fault...now can we change the subject".

You have a right to not have to listen to this crap. I know it's easier said than done, but keep practicing.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

sleepygoat

My daughter got past this stage in her addiction only after we kicked her out for steeling (not then; she told everyone who would listen how awful we were for doing that), and she lived on the streets for a while. After a while, she realized she needed her mom (I paid for lab work to test for sexually transmitted diseases, bought her a coat, take her to appointments at the HIV clinic, and listen to her ramble without judging her anymore). Though still using hard, she now acknowledges she was "very manipulative" when she lived with us and is "sorry".

When she gets really verbally abusive, try saying "It's not acceptable to speak to me that way." and then walk away or leave the house ( or get off the phone "I need to get off the phone now." They realize its no fun to abuse somebody who won't stay still and take it.

laketime

"You " didn't cause it, "you " can't control it, and " you" cant cure it.

nytepassion

It has to be your fault and if it wasn't your fault it would be his fault .. their fault .. someone elses fault ... anyones but hers .. because if she admitted it was her fault then she would have to become personally responsible to herself and look inward to make changes ... which she clearly isn't ready to do

Her words can only have as much power as you give them ... I hope and pray that you will stop allowing her to hurt you with them ...

She has far to much power and control in your household. Makes me feel all codie and I want to jump in and rescue you (not good for you or for me) LOL

Soooooooo .....

Instead I will offer you my hand .. grab on any time you'd like and walk with me .. I will share many stories with you about myself, my past active addiction and addicts in my life ... I will lend you wisdom and knowledge ... along the way be sure to gather up tools to strengthen you ... keep what you need and leave the rest ... one day all that you've learned will become your very own to share and before you know it .. the hurt and pain that you feel right now will all be but a distant memory and your experiences will become a tool to help someone else that trod the path you've walked before them.

I have much to do today so for now I have to go.. but I am going to PM you later a little something to lighten the load in your heart.

I once knew a woman whose daughter acted like yours
My mother


****{Hugs}}}
Passion

PS: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT

Miss Pink

Birds poop from the sky

Addicts blame.

Its just what they do.

Disease talking, not her.

Once when my ex said I was a horrible mother and blamed his abandoning our son on Me, saying I wouldnt let him see our boy (a lie), I replied:

"If I am SO horrible to so SUCH terrible things.....then why did you allow him to live with me in such horrible conditions...why didnt you go to court and take him away from this terrible woman"?

The silence that came from his "deer in the headlights" expression was lovely....just lovely. I hit him with his own illogical logic.

Try it sometime.....

Tell you daughter that she is 100% right, that you have been a terrible mother and want to recitfy it right now. Give her the phone number to a child advocacy hotline and tell her to call and begin making plans to emanicipate herself from you. Better yet......put her up for adoption!

Hugs!

Done_With_It

((((SJR))))

There's her that will talk to you
and there's the drugs that will talk to you.

The her you hear makes you love her,
the drugs you hear make you hate her.

You know what's wrong and right,
take what the drugs say with a grain of salt.