Question.......
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: DUBLIN, GA
Posts: 35
Question.......
ok Need to know if anyone else is having or has went threw the same thing I am dealing with right now. Over the weekend I let my AH stay the night. I am trying to work things out with him as long as he is doing right and not actively using. ok here is my question. Is is wrong of me to not want to have relations with him right now. I just dont feel like i should. i dont want to put my emotions in this again right now. he feels i am wrong for that but thats him being controling of me. He says it want change anything if we do, but I feel like its not time for that and he is wanting to push me into someting i dont want to do yet. He says we are married and thats what married people do. DUH i am not that stupid. haha SO is there anyone out there can make me feel better about my decision to wait this out a little while????
thanks again.
:praying
thanks again.
:praying
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
if you are not comfortable with that you do not have to do it. let your husband know he is lucky that he has a home with you for now & he needs to work his recovery before you can trust him. set your boundries & stick to them. keep coming back.prayers for you both.
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Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Lita,
I am definitely not a font of information or guidance but I do know that your body is your own. I always look at my motives when I get into a situation like this - am I wanting to refrain from intimacy because it's what I need to do to take care of myself or is it to punish him. Invariably, the answer is that it's what I need to take care of me. To have an intimate relationship with someone I need to feel loved, safe, and secure. If those things are present then I want to be close - if not, I'm really not interested. I don't care if I am married or not. Being married does not mean that I have signed on to sign my body over. If that's marriage - I'm not in.
Would it help to communicate with him and say "having that closeness is a goal of mine, too. What I need for that to happen is ......." and know what those things are.
Keep coming back - hugs, Donna
I am definitely not a font of information or guidance but I do know that your body is your own. I always look at my motives when I get into a situation like this - am I wanting to refrain from intimacy because it's what I need to do to take care of myself or is it to punish him. Invariably, the answer is that it's what I need to take care of me. To have an intimate relationship with someone I need to feel loved, safe, and secure. If those things are present then I want to be close - if not, I'm really not interested. I don't care if I am married or not. Being married does not mean that I have signed on to sign my body over. If that's marriage - I'm not in.
Would it help to communicate with him and say "having that closeness is a goal of mine, too. What I need for that to happen is ......." and know what those things are.
Keep coming back - hugs, Donna
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i just reread your post.(sorry about that) you did not let him come home,just spend the night. i can see where he got confused. why did u let him stay all nite? does he stay in another town? just let him know u want to take things slow. that is all you have to offer for now untill he can show he is really getting help & wants help.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: DUBLIN, GA
Posts: 35
MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT, BUT I HAVE TOLD HIM SEVERAL TIMES I AM NOT READY FOR THAT YET. SO HE KNOWS. I DONT THINK ITS MIXED SIGNALS. ITS HIM WANTING WHAT HE WANTS. ITS HIM TRYING TO CONTROL ME TO GET WHAT HE WANTS. ITS NOT HAPPENING THIS TIME. I AM IN CONTROL OF ME NOW. IF HE WANTS TO BE WITH ME THEN HE WILL TAKE THIS AT MY SPEED NOT HIS. AM I WRONG FOR THINKING LIKE THIS?:praying
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