Dead man walking
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Right here somewhere
Posts: 509
Dead man walking
The addict is dead....yet the body is still alive.
The person we knew, and loved, has died and been replaced by a monster of such hateful porportions it cannot be described to one who has not lived in addiction.
Yet....there is no so closure ritual, such as a funeral. No family members that gather to offer comfort, no way to follow a typical mourning pattern, where eventually acceptance is found and remains.
Instead......most of our families criticize us when we stop enabling and detach from the addict, and just as we are succedding to accept the latest "yet" they have lowered themselves to, they're behavior escalated further down into the abyss, and we are met with another round of pain and disappointment. There is no end to this waking death. The death doesnt end, as it does when we bury a body in the ground. The haunting of pain of the past constantly lingers in my mind, fighting resentment like a demon who wants to destroy me, fearing the next "yet" to occur, even though I have detached and have no conctact.
Loss of an entire family because they believe his lies and distorted reality, and not the truth. A child who hasnt had his "hero" for 4 years be a part of his life, financial, physical and emotional struggles that seem to take turns at pulling me apart.
This disease just won't die, it lives on and on and on. No one rests in peace in addiction.
Dead man walking. That describes the addict I know perfectly.
The person we knew, and loved, has died and been replaced by a monster of such hateful porportions it cannot be described to one who has not lived in addiction.
Yet....there is no so closure ritual, such as a funeral. No family members that gather to offer comfort, no way to follow a typical mourning pattern, where eventually acceptance is found and remains.
Instead......most of our families criticize us when we stop enabling and detach from the addict, and just as we are succedding to accept the latest "yet" they have lowered themselves to, they're behavior escalated further down into the abyss, and we are met with another round of pain and disappointment. There is no end to this waking death. The death doesnt end, as it does when we bury a body in the ground. The haunting of pain of the past constantly lingers in my mind, fighting resentment like a demon who wants to destroy me, fearing the next "yet" to occur, even though I have detached and have no conctact.
Loss of an entire family because they believe his lies and distorted reality, and not the truth. A child who hasnt had his "hero" for 4 years be a part of his life, financial, physical and emotional struggles that seem to take turns at pulling me apart.
This disease just won't die, it lives on and on and on. No one rests in peace in addiction.
Dead man walking. That describes the addict I know perfectly.
Living in the light
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Sweet Home Serenity
Posts: 706
I know a dead man walking. He is my son. Can he rise out of the ashes he's been buried under in addiction? I don't know.
I do know I have risen out of the ashes of my grief and pain. When I passed
through that dark place, I found myself bathed in the light and peace of acceptance.
God loaned a beautiful blue eyed boy to me to raise and love. I did my best. I am grateful for the time I had with son before addiction altered his life.
In Alanon, I found a renewed and better life. I found a new freedom and a new hapiness. I found serenity and peace. I found I could be helpful to others
and offer hope to those bewildered, lost and in pain. I found loss and pain are a part of life. I found the healing love of one codie for another. I trust God will never take me where the love of God will not sustain me. I trust God is taking care of the son he loaned to me.
I do know I have risen out of the ashes of my grief and pain. When I passed
through that dark place, I found myself bathed in the light and peace of acceptance.
God loaned a beautiful blue eyed boy to me to raise and love. I did my best. I am grateful for the time I had with son before addiction altered his life.
In Alanon, I found a renewed and better life. I found a new freedom and a new hapiness. I found serenity and peace. I found I could be helpful to others
and offer hope to those bewildered, lost and in pain. I found loss and pain are a part of life. I found the healing love of one codie for another. I trust God will never take me where the love of God will not sustain me. I trust God is taking care of the son he loaned to me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Miss Pink,
Thank you for your post, it puts into words far better than I could do, the mourning that those of us with addicts in our life experience.
I spent one night months ago crying for the son I'd lost. I mourned not only my vision I had of his future, but the vision he had had. It was a painful evening, but looking back at one I realize was necessary.
Prayers for you and for all.
Thank you for your post, it puts into words far better than I could do, the mourning that those of us with addicts in our life experience.
I spent one night months ago crying for the son I'd lost. I mourned not only my vision I had of his future, but the vision he had had. It was a painful evening, but looking back at one I realize was necessary.
Prayers for you and for all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Thank you Pink,
Everyday I grieve the loss of the person that she didn't become. Even without the drugs she is still not right. A lot of damage has been done. I can only hope that one day things will be normal for her. Whatever normal is......I'm not sure I really know anymore.
Everyday I grieve the loss of the person that she didn't become. Even without the drugs she is still not right. A lot of damage has been done. I can only hope that one day things will be normal for her. Whatever normal is......I'm not sure I really know anymore.
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