What addicts do...
 

I've just been reading the sticky 'what addicts do'

My A and I split up for a while last year, when he started using heavily I think. He always told me it was because he was trying to protect me from himself. That he didn't love himself and so couldn't give me the love I deserved. He knew he was falling down, but wasn't ready to do anything about it. At that point I didn't know he was addicted, I didn't know he was even using (think I was always last to freakin' know!!).

Not sure what my point is here!! Maybe reinforcing the idea for me that yeah, I did have to let him go, until he was ready to come back and ask for help. And maybe I have to stand back again, let him make his own mistakes.

If he's using again or not, if he is 'just' selling it off, he has to make his own mistakes. I can tell him my opinion on it, and whether he listens to it or not, or acts on it or not, is his choice.

Does this make sense?!

Perfect sense. You're 'detaching'.

Such a necessary survival tool!

Tabithacat,
My oldest son has said something to that effect in the past...He said "Mom I don't come around cause I don't want to hurt you and dad"



And you're right, he has to make his own mistakes...

Have you found any meetings to attend?

Absolutely perfect sense...I think it isn't uncommon when our loved ones are active that they stay away. In some ways, that helped me to feel the compassion...It helped me to see the loving person under the active addiction. It gave me hope too that in recovery that loving person would resurface. Hugs

it makes perfect sense. i do not hear from my son when he is using. he goes on runs & when third day rolls around & he has not called i know he is using.my son has always been very protective of me. i was a divorcee for 12 yrs & part of that it was just us two. in his early days of using he would get high, call & say some terrible things to me he would b sorry for later.today i just don't hear from him which it he is high it is better.