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my support is being used against me

Old 11-24-2007, 07:37 PM
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my support is being used against me

I was with my boyfriend for around 5 months and we met whilst I was working in the drug field myself we developed a friendship and then things progressed. He had been in detox several times and showed a great determination to quit. After he completed detox we met several times and discussed his next treatment options. The lines became blurred and we both started to get feelings so I stopped working on the drug team that he went to and got a job elsewhere. I spent loads of time with him after detox and supported him quite a lot and encouraged him to get more treatment. Things were great he was keeping busy and going to meetings and keeping busy and he made the decision to go to residential rehab in aug this year. He has been in rehab for nearly four months and I have been on two visits and he has had a home leave. He took me to meet his family and his mother and I have been getting on really well. Whilst in rehab we keep contact by phone and write. He had his home leave on November the 16th and things didn’t go too well, he didn’t treat me well and was incredibly selfish especially with money, i thought it would be a good idea to spend quality time and he was reluctant to pay to go to the pictures! When he went back to rehab after his home visit i sent him a letter just expressing how I felt and that i thought he was selfish and said that whilst he was in rehab i think that we should put our relationship on hold. He rang me on Thursday and said that he read the letter to the counsellor and the counsellor said he should read it to the whole group as part of his recovery! I feel a bit betrayed because why has my relationship with this person got anything to do with his addiction if i have only known his since April this year? He said he got feedback from his group and they have said that in the relationship I was a doormat and that i have issues myself, this has outraged me as they have never met me and i find it upsetting for them to make conclusions without knowing me as a person. Since this I have cut all contact with him but he is insisting we be friends. I believe he’s playing mind games, shall I just ignore him? All I have done is be supportive and loving to this person and his counsellor is saying that this is wrong and I’m giving too much. Are they right?
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Old 11-24-2007, 08:13 PM
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Welcome to SR!

You are only hearing what this man is telling you.
He very well be making the whole tale up.

And if so....I think you are correct
about mind games.

Why not make a list of
the pro''s and con's
on this relationship?

Taking care of yourself and your life goals
is primary to your future.

Glad you are here...
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Old 11-25-2007, 10:53 AM
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i think i would step way back & start doing other things. he is an addict & if there are problems with a new relationship there are going to be problems. take care of you & let him work his recovery. prayers for u both
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Old 11-25-2007, 05:19 PM
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I'm sorry you felt hurt by his actions...You're right...they do not know you. I would suggest that you do what you feel comfortable with. If that is cutting off all communication, there is nothing wrong with that. Let him focus on his recovery and you can continue to take care of yourself and focus on you.
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Old 11-26-2007, 09:29 AM
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Welcome Chachauk,
While I think your BF has a right to share whatever he thinks necessary of his personal life, telling you what he shared and how they felt was not a bit fair.
It sounds like manipulation to me...JMO
But the more important point here is how YOU feel about the relationship.
How would you treat this if he weren't an addict?

As far as the friends comment, to me the word "friend" is a verb, not a noun as many think. If he isn't acting like a friend then a freindship may be out of the question.

Stick around, there a lot of great people here to meet.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
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