He made it 4 days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
He made it 4 days
I had to kick him out agian. The past 4 days with him has been exhausting. Since he has come back he has not tried one bit. On my doctors suggestion I made a list of rules that he has to follow to stay in the house. Many of them have to do with his parole. Others have to do with helping out in the house, no swearing or aggresive behaviour and so on. Well he decided to break every single rule except for the ones pertaining to his parole.
Just to get him to change the baby takes me specifically telling him, usually multiple times. He refused to clean up after himself and I would have to make him have a bath. His being in the house has tripled my work load because even when he would do something around the house after I was telling him half a dozen times to, he would only do half the job and leave the rest. So I would have to follow around behind and clean up the mess he made while cleaning up a mess. Along with cleaning up after him too. I already have 3 kids to clean up after and now an adult too agian.
Several times a day I would sit him down and ask him why he was not helping and being so rude to me. Then Thursday night he really pushed my last button. As he was calling guys to find people to hunt with they would ask him why he didn't have his guns. So as he would laugh he would say "I was a naughty Boy and was arrested for assulting my wife." The entire time he would be saying this he would be smirking and laughing. Like hurting me was humorous? Being arrested and now having a record is funny? I don't see how. He would continue the conversation laughing and making light of it all. I mentioned it to him and he didn't care much and then would phone the next guy doing the same thing.
Then yesterday morning I woke up sick to my stomach. Needed him to help more so of course he helped less, was snide and rude and snappy all day. Finnally late in the afternoon I sat him down and had him read the list and tell me what all the rules meant and if he was going to follow them? He said sorry and yes he would. Then 5 minutes later he was down stairs lecturing our 9yr old daughter and telling her off which he is not allowed ot do because he intimidates her and bullies her. So I said are you trying to get me to kick you out? And he said Do what you want. So I had to kick him out. He knows that he can come back if he agrees to follow the rules. I have to have rules and boundaries because if I don't he can go right back to treating us like he has the past couple of months. And this shows even with the rules he will.
I feel like I am failing as a wife and a mom. I just don't know what else to do. Just when I think I can relax and maybe my family has a chance he has to show me he doesn't care. He didn't say one word as he got ready to leave except to tell our 3yr old son to go to his room while he was getting upset that his daddy was leaving agian. I hate what he is doing to these kids. he keeps walking out on them and all it is showing them is that he doesn't care about them or me. That he only cares when it benifits him.
He has been gone all night and morning. I have no idea where he is and I am worried sick about him. But I have to stick to the boundaries I put down or else he will continue to treat us like garbage.
Nikki
Just to get him to change the baby takes me specifically telling him, usually multiple times. He refused to clean up after himself and I would have to make him have a bath. His being in the house has tripled my work load because even when he would do something around the house after I was telling him half a dozen times to, he would only do half the job and leave the rest. So I would have to follow around behind and clean up the mess he made while cleaning up a mess. Along with cleaning up after him too. I already have 3 kids to clean up after and now an adult too agian.
Several times a day I would sit him down and ask him why he was not helping and being so rude to me. Then Thursday night he really pushed my last button. As he was calling guys to find people to hunt with they would ask him why he didn't have his guns. So as he would laugh he would say "I was a naughty Boy and was arrested for assulting my wife." The entire time he would be saying this he would be smirking and laughing. Like hurting me was humorous? Being arrested and now having a record is funny? I don't see how. He would continue the conversation laughing and making light of it all. I mentioned it to him and he didn't care much and then would phone the next guy doing the same thing.
Then yesterday morning I woke up sick to my stomach. Needed him to help more so of course he helped less, was snide and rude and snappy all day. Finnally late in the afternoon I sat him down and had him read the list and tell me what all the rules meant and if he was going to follow them? He said sorry and yes he would. Then 5 minutes later he was down stairs lecturing our 9yr old daughter and telling her off which he is not allowed ot do because he intimidates her and bullies her. So I said are you trying to get me to kick you out? And he said Do what you want. So I had to kick him out. He knows that he can come back if he agrees to follow the rules. I have to have rules and boundaries because if I don't he can go right back to treating us like he has the past couple of months. And this shows even with the rules he will.
I feel like I am failing as a wife and a mom. I just don't know what else to do. Just when I think I can relax and maybe my family has a chance he has to show me he doesn't care. He didn't say one word as he got ready to leave except to tell our 3yr old son to go to his room while he was getting upset that his daddy was leaving agian. I hate what he is doing to these kids. he keeps walking out on them and all it is showing them is that he doesn't care about them or me. That he only cares when it benifits him.
He has been gone all night and morning. I have no idea where he is and I am worried sick about him. But I have to stick to the boundaries I put down or else he will continue to treat us like garbage.
Nikki
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 138
Lord help you Nikki
Good for you for sticking to your rules and kicking him out. The kids are young. They know but hopefully he can get his life straight and be a husband and father. Don't back down!!!
I, like you, resent having a 44 year old child in the house. I thought this was a partnership and it's not. Focus all on your kids Nikki.
I, like you, resent having a 44 year old child in the house. I thought this was a partnership and it's not. Focus all on your kids Nikki.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 177
Thanks.
I didn't see or hear from him all day. Then at 6 he drove by the house without stopping. He didn't see me because all the lights are out except in teh downstairs family room where the kids are playing. I have a huge migraine from all teh stres so have hte lights out to try and help keep the pain to a dull roar. So does he stop when he sees all the lights are out? Is he the least bit worried about me? Of course not. Who cares that I am sick to my stomach and have a huge migraine? I can still take care of a baby, toddler, 9yr old and house all on my own. He knows I am wonder woman so of course I can.
Nikki
I didn't see or hear from him all day. Then at 6 he drove by the house without stopping. He didn't see me because all the lights are out except in teh downstairs family room where the kids are playing. I have a huge migraine from all teh stres so have hte lights out to try and help keep the pain to a dull roar. So does he stop when he sees all the lights are out? Is he the least bit worried about me? Of course not. Who cares that I am sick to my stomach and have a huge migraine? I can still take care of a baby, toddler, 9yr old and house all on my own. He knows I am wonder woman so of course I can.
Nikki
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Nikki,
He's doing what addicts do. Taking care of himself.
Expecting him to behave any other way is only going to drive you mad.
If you truly kicked him out because he crossed the boundaries and was hurting you & your kids, then you need to be prepared for the possibility that he won't be back. Are you preparing yourself for that? Are you getting help locally?
Have you been to any Nar-ANon or Al-Anon meetings?
He's doing what addicts do. Taking care of himself.
Expecting him to behave any other way is only going to drive you mad.
If you truly kicked him out because he crossed the boundaries and was hurting you & your kids, then you need to be prepared for the possibility that he won't be back. Are you preparing yourself for that? Are you getting help locally?
Have you been to any Nar-ANon or Al-Anon meetings?
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Is he testing you? Can he do what he wants and then come back just by saying yes he'll stick to the boundaries? If you let him back in do you think he'll stick to the boundaries or just until next time he want to go out?
So how did you answer these questions? Whats your best next step??
good luck
So how did you answer these questions? Whats your best next step??
good luck
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