sjr

i have personally spoken with my daughter's highschool principle, asst, principle, counselor, social worker, and individual teacher's.

i call weekly sometimes daily to check on her attendance. i tell her teacher's she is skipping their class and is forging notes to have some of her absences excused.

i have had her in outpatient therapy, she lied all the way through it. now she won't go. can't make her ma'am "this is the united states"

i randomnly drug test her. she always fails
i sent her to live with her dad, actually she sent herself, had me to call him because she just couldn't stand to live with me anymore. he tried aswell. he lived in the country, i thought it'll be hard to find drugs in the middle of a cornfield. the cow's don't have any.~whatever, the drugs are everywhere.

i laid down house rules when she returned, to the point i actually made up a contract. she initialed each rule and sign the whole thing.
i stated the consequences of breaking these rules. haha...i can't even do most of those.

i thought i would be able to..please~she does what she wants when she wants to
consequences only work if the child will actually do the punishment????

i do...call the police when she leaves the house and report her as a runaway
i do lock the door when she isn't home on time, which is always, if she comes home
i don't give her permission to leave the house
i do make that clear to her each day
i don't condone her behavior
i don't acknowledge the millions of "i'm sorry mom" s anymore
i do tell her that i'm sorry does mean a thing ...if she doesn't really mean it
i do tell her not to say i'm sorry, show me you are and let's get help
i don't give her money anymore
i don't buy her things anymore
she has 'lost' or 'it was stolen' everything she has of value ie: laptop, ipod, cell phone etc.

i have tried to have her committed....didn't happen
i have tried to have her arrested....didn't happen
i can't kick her out...the law says so
i can't help her...she says so

i have called every jeuvenille organizatoin i can think of . talked to tons of people. most of whom say 'this is not our department' you need to call blah blah blah
i call blah blah blah....leave message after message

nobody wants to deal with a sixteen year old addict

even in the hospital er where she was taken in handcuffs for a drug screen and a psych evaluation the overall feeling was attitide. attitude towards me for being the mother of an addict??? toward her being an addict??? she was dismissed and sent home with me, i begged for help, told them she would only leave again..."sorry, nothing more we can do here"

i wish me being admantly involved would scare my daughter. if it did, this would of been over long ago

Cindi R

I'm so sorry...
it seems that someone would be willing to help you.
I suppose that it all depends on the state that you're in and how willing the social workers and judges are willing to get involved...
I know that in this state and county that it only takes 2 people to get a court committal.
It can be a parent and a SW, a Dr or any other willing person to get involved in the situation.
However the problem here is the lack of availability of beds for treatment for juveniles, not just any treatment facility will take them.
and as far as making her go against her will...
I do think that you still have that right...
at least at age 16...
but for sure it's gone at age 18.
But chances are, she'll run...they usually are not locked facilities...
and that goes for juvenile holding places as well.
I wish you serenity..
have you tried some alanon?
Sometimes the only thing that we can change is ourselves and our attitudes.
And sometimes we are most in control, when we are not trying to control.
Don't know if you had any experience with experimenting with drugs and alcohol in your teenage years...
but many kids survive.
Then there's the phenomenon of the Preacher or the Principal's kid...the one who was supposed to be so "good"...but was really one of the most wild and crazy kids of all...
just some food for thought.

greeteachday

(((((sjr))))) ((( )))) means hugs by the way

You are an incredible woman and mother whose love for her daughter shines through. Like Cat, I am praying that your higher power brings the right person into your life to help things change course.

It's clear you have done everything you can think of and you are so right, you are obsesesed and it is making you very sick. I was totally obsessed with my daughter's addiction too...it is amazing how quickly it brings us to our knees.

I do know that sharing here and reading all the posts really helped.
I do know Naranon helped incredibly. I tried a few different meetings...both Naranon and Alanon before i found the right fit. My home group has lots of parents of addicts...some in recovery which gave me hope, and some still out there. But seeing how well all of these people looked; hearing laughter (wow, it had been soooo long since I wanted to laugh) and realizing that even though their kids were addicts, these parents still had a life and they were taking care of themselves...well all that made me want what they had, so I started working the program. I do think it saved my life.

As far as that first meeting...we all feel that way. But you will be amazed at the love and serenity you will feel just walking in the door. You don't have to talk at all if you don't want to...No one will "make you" do anything you don't want to do.

Hugs - I sure hope you find your meeting soon. Prayers for you and your daughter.