marle

Megan called me tonight on her new phone. At first it was just small talk. I think she is really lonely. But after a while she started talking about the deeper subjects. Not so much about addiction, but about how she feels about me. The jist of the conversation was how much she knows that I sacrificed for her when she was growing up, how much the little things I did for her made her feel loved and how much she loves me and thinks that I am the best mom. I smoked during all of her growing up years, but when she had friends over or when I would go to places with her and her friends, I never smoked. Not one of her friends or boyfriends ever knew that I smoked. Being an addict herself, she realizes how hard it must of been for me not to smoke during those times. She told me that she now realizes that my sacrifices have been out of love. The important thing that she wanted me to know tonight was that even though she is an addict she has never stopped loving me. That what she is doing has absolutely nothing to do with anything that I have done and that I should bear no guilt for her choices. These are things that I already know to be true but it was nice hearing it from her. She told me that she worries that I go to bed at night thinking that she doesn't love me and she wants me to not do that anymore. I told her that I have done a lot of growing and changing in the last year. What I do when I go to sleep at night is send her a red ribbon through the miles that we are apart with a big I love you, Megan attached and then I say a prayer to God to keep her safe. So for all the parents on here, your kids do still love you, they do feel badly for what they are doing, and they may try to guilt you when they are trying to feed their addiction, but underneath it all they know it is not your fault. I don't think that Megan and I could have had this conversation until I had enough recovery to no longer be angry at her. I have learned a lot in the last year. Hugs to you all, Marle

mooselips

Marle,
That sounded like a real heart to heart.
I think she may be doing some serious thinking, and perhaps wanted to feel you out?

Powerful stuff...

Thanks for sharing...

mjpaao

Oh marle,
What a wonderful conversation with your daughter. It sounds to me that even through the drugs, she is growing up herself. This sounds like some serious thinking on her part, I agree with Moose, I'm wondering where she may be going with this. Hugs to your family, may she soon find her way to a better olace, with her wonderful mom.

Ann

Those were beautiful thoughts and words from your daughter, Marle, your post just touches my heart.

Above everything else the love is shining through, both ways. And that's all that matters.

Hugs

Wascally Wabbit

Things are getting better and better for you marle. I am glad for you both.

greeteachday

((((((Megan))))))((((((Marle))))))

What a beautiful post and beautiful mom-daughter conversation. I think you have both grown through the struggles and I suspect Megan is finding her way little by little.

I love the image you send to Megan each night with your prayer.

Lobo

I don't know if I am a whimp or what but post like these make me cry. Marle, I am so happy that Megan poured out her heartfelt feelings to you. It sounds like she is doing a lot of thinking.

I really admire the way you have been handling yourself. I take a lot of advice from you even though you don't know it.

Even in my daughter's deepest addiction I always knew she loved me. She also has told me that I was never the cause of her drug use. She said that I always was a good mom and it was never my fault. Even though I knew that, it was nice to hear her say it.

Big, big hugs to you and Megan..........Lo

CatsPajamas

Wow Marle

Happy hugs from mom to mom

Cats

lil516

I am so happy you were able to have that talk with your daughter...

I know how important it is not to "project " but it does sound like some serious thinking might be happening...I truly hope so

I pray she will soon be ready to begin her journey toward recovery

I am glad she is finding her way back to you and your love

ccirider

Very nice, Marle. Very nice. You are an example for all to follow. Anger is not the answer.

Peace.

Spiritual Seeker

Marle, addiction really does hijack them.
That is fantastic that you go your girl, Megan, back tonight.
A crack in the veneer. Perhaps this is the beginning of the healing process for both of you. Even if it is not, what a wonderful conversation.

lightseeker

Marle -

what an amazing conversation that ya'll had. The red ribbon with the gift of love everynight is being received by her - and it came back in a full circle.

What an inspiration - sometimes it's hard for me to keep doing the next right thing but this reminds me of the gifts that are there if you do.

Thanks for sharing. Donna

krhea75

So glad for her moment of clarity, Marle. You are a good mom. I know you know this, but isn't it affirming to hear it from so many sources, especially your daughter.
krhea

Impurrfect

Marle -

I am so glad you got to hear from Megan what I already knew - you ARE a wonderful mom and she does love you. I honestly think the changes you have made (taking care of you and Mr. Marle) have also helped Megan.

You made changes to improve your life, but you've never shut Megan out - she always knows how to find you, and she knows that there is certain behaviors you won't tolerate.

I know, for me, the more I'm around people who are at peace with theirselves (like you), it makes me want what you have. Maybe some of this is rubbing off on Megan. You are a shining example of how to love an addict but not play into the addiction. You've helped ME keep the addiction demon at bay, and I'm glad that Megan is aware of what an awesome mom she has.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

havehope

Marle
Thank-you so much for posting this. What a wonderful conversation that must have been. I am still wiping the tears from my eyes. How I long to have a conversation like that with my daughter. I will never give up hope for that.
You are such an inspiration for all of us moms. I am so happy she has told you these things.
Like others have said, we all know that you are a wonderful mom.

marle

Thanks all. Another interesting thing that she told me was that she felt that she was addicted to me and my happiness. I know that to be true because she has always so badly wanted my approval. She said that she used to be jealous of my relationship with my husband (her dad), but now she is really happy that he and I seem to be bonding and doing things together again. I do feel that she felt a heavy burden for my happiness and I hers. But we are both finding out that trying to make another person happy just leads to frustration and resentments. Hopefully she can find a way for that to spill over to her abf. She feels so responsible to him and that may be one of the barriers to her getting clean. Maybe when she wants it, really wants it she will find the strength to leave him and look out for herself. Hugs, Marle

caileesnana

:praying For Megan,
love,
susan

hope213

(((((marle)))))) i know your heart is smiling.

cmc

(((marle)))
Talking about feelings is a huge step in the right direction. You kept your boundaries and yet left the door open for her to feel safe enough to share her heart.
I'm so happy for you and for Megan.

pjbs55

(((marle)))
I am so glad Megan told you what she did. It is wonderful to hear another mom say that her child told her it is not your fault and I still love you. Your prayer every night is a great blessing to her.
I too pray for my children and that their HP keeps them safe. I will add the red ribbon to my prayers.
Your recovery is shining tonight.