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Why can't today end??

Old 11-22-2007, 03:13 PM
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Why can't today end??

As I sit here at my computer.... my family are in the living room or dining room... I feel like such a failure as a parent to my family with my daughter, I know they might not think it but I just do and I just wish the day was over and everyone would go home!! I came in from work and my niece who is almost 18 and a senior in high school was here and I had to sit and listen to her college plans and I just had to leave the room. My other niece who is 12, is here and I have not even spoke to her either. My cousin and her husband came in with their baby who was born in june and I dont even have the heart to hold her and please make this day end!!!
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Old 11-22-2007, 03:29 PM
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Obsessed -

I'm glad that you had us to turn to - holidays bring up a lot of pain and anguish at times. I don't know your story but you like you are in a lot of pain. It sounds like my RAH was on the other end of what you are experiencing.....remember, you didn't cause it. Addiction is a disease and a series of missteps by a person (not a parent) are what lead one in that direction. My husband's parents did everything in the world they knew to do...nice prominent family, dad a doctor, etc. And my RAH ended up being as low a bottom addict as you can be without actually dying. Remember, try not to judge your insides by other people's outsides. We really don't know where the future is going to lead any of us. Still - it's so hard to see other people that seem to have it all. No one really does. I bet that you are the one that feels like the failure and it's not what anyone else is thinking. I feel your pain and am glad that the day is coming to a close. Peace, Donna
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Old 11-22-2007, 03:58 PM
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I know how looking at others can make us feel like we are less than them. But, we're not. We are just as good and worthy of happiness. I think we might have to work a little harder than some, but the strength we gain from experience is priceless.
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Old 11-22-2007, 04:36 PM
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You did not cause it. You cannot cure it. You cannot control it.

You are not a failure as a person or as a parent. You had a baby and she grew up to choose a path that was not the one you saw for her. Your heart is broken but you are not the one at fault.

I am sure you were a good Mom. I am sure you are a good Mom.

(((Hugs)))
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Old 11-22-2007, 05:25 PM
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It took me a long time to be able to enjoy other kid's accomplishments. I felt so angry and sad that my daughter is not the one in college, that I am not the parent with a close relationship with my daughter. It took a while but things have changed for me in the last few months. I have found that I still feel sad when I see big families together especially during the holidays. But now I can feel happy for those kids that are making something of their lives and I can look at young, healthy, happy people and not feel an enormous amount of pain. I remember when I was young and there was a girl in my high school class that had everything. I so wanted to be her. Until the day that she died in a car accident at the age of 24. That was when I stopped wanting what other people had and was just grateful to be me. I try to remember that everyone has tragedy and pain in their lives. It just is in a different form than mine. Hugs to you and I hope you feel better soon. Marle
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Old 11-22-2007, 06:10 PM
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Obsessed -

Take it from someone who KNOWS - a child can become an addict, even with the best upbringing.

I was raised by 2 very loving parents, given the best education, etc. Still, 3 years ago I was on the streets, smoking crack. My mom died 16 years ago, but I put my dad and my stepmom through hell worrying about me. I have tried to tell my dad that it wasn't anything he & mom did, or didn't do, that caused me to be an addict.

Today, I have almost 9 months clean and I can thank my dad for that, too. He allowed me to suffer my consequences, and I decided that getting high just wasn't worth it anymore.

Please, believe me and the other great parents here - YOU did not cause your child's addiction.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 11-22-2007, 06:25 PM
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(((((((Obsessed)))))))

Many, many, hugs of understanding from me, sweetie.
You wanna hear my "aha" moment for today?
Good. I was gonna tell anyway. lol
I am very protective of my family. They're the most dysfunctional people on
this earth, I think, but they are my family and I love'em.
My in-laws, on the other hand, are well to do, live in a beautiful condo,
and have always been somewhat of a snobish family.


I tell stories.
That's what I do. Well, actually, I sell books, but, I sell childrens books, so I
also read them. Matter of fact, I took 3 Thanksgivings Day storybooks with me
today and read to the kids. One of these stories, "The Perfect Thanksgiving" by Eileen Spinelli, was my last read and the story is a comparison among 2 families.
One family has a quiet, peaceful, and orderly holiday, while the other family is filled
with drama, chaos, and noise.
Now, if you read my thread on my day today, that I recently posted, you'll notice that I had a much more serene Thanksgiving at a home where normally, I would rather not be. I've always felt more comfortable with my family. Well, not today.
Matter of fact, I'm already dreading my Christmas visit. lol
My point is, and I do have one. lol
Point is, I think that recovery has taught me that I can be comfortable around nice things. I don't really have to "put" up with the bs of dysfunction anymore.
If I choose not to. Don't get me wrong, I love my family...I just don't like them very much. It's like, I noticed today of all days, I don't have to be around what I don't want to be around and if I do...not for very long. lol
The day is about over. I know there are still some things that you are thankful for. Relish those.
Love, prayers, and support from me to you tonight.
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Old 11-22-2007, 07:02 PM
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Thanks to you all.... it is just so hard but I know it will get better in time. It just pisses me off that I havegave up so much for her and she could care less!! Just for the next hand out, which I found out my 84 year old grandmother..with who I live with has been giving her money as my mother has also. I have told them all not to give her any but they keep handing it out... she called me a bit ago and asked for money and i told her i was broke and was called an ugly word and hung up on
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Old 11-22-2007, 07:31 PM
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((((((((obsessed)))))

I wish I could be there to give you a big hug in person.

I'm sorry that you are in so much pain right now. The holidays can be so tough.

Just know that the holiday is almost over...
And tomorrow is a new day.
Please love yourself...and, if you can, protect yourself from your daughter's emotional abuse as best as you can. Sometimes no contact is a good thing for everyone involved.

I don't know your whole situation but I just hate to see a loving mom hurt so much by the hateful words that can sometimes be spewed by an addict...especially at the ones they love the very most.

Hugs...and prayers..
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Old 11-22-2007, 07:58 PM
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From one mom from another who understands and cares- you are NOT a failure and your child's choices are hers to own. You are showing real love by not enabling your daughter. It takes strength, courage and faith to do that.
I'm sorry you had such a difficult time today.
:comfort
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Old 11-22-2007, 08:36 PM
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I'm so sorry today was so hard for you...As everyone has said, you are not a failure and you are a good mom. When drugs are in control, the daughter you know just can't surface. It's got nothing at all to do with you. Hang close and know that we all understand. Hugs.
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Old 11-23-2007, 03:30 PM
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Please don't feel like a failure as a parent. I felt that way for along time, and sometimes I start to feel that way but talk myself out of it immediately.
We did nothing to start addiction. we did everything we could for them. I still get sad sometimes over what could have been but thats not healthy either. Just live for today and for yourself.
hugs and prayers
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Old 11-23-2007, 08:31 PM
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Ditto to what everyone said before me , just wanted to send you a big cyber hug ((((((((((((((((((((((((((bighugehugs))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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