He came back
 

Well he changed his mind. Our doctor friend talked to him. He decided to come back home. Hopefully with a change of heart but I am unsure. Court went well in my opinion. They actually called me to see if I wanted anything added to the probation. That was surprising to me. Here is what he has to abide by for the next 12 months or he gets 18 months in jail if he breaks it:

No drinking
No drugs
He can not enter any place that has VLTs or other gambling machines or booze, so no gambling or drinking.
He can't even purchase booze of any sort.
Drug treatment(they are making it mandatory that he goes to treatment on the 17th)
He has to get therapy for anger management and for his addictions
He has to follow all the medical and therapy requirements of his probation officer.
He has to see his probation officer regularly

All of this I am glad about. And when I gave him my list of house rules he read it and agreed to all of it.

Today went well with only one upset. My husbadn is an avid hunter. And he still has 2 tags left for this season. A mule deer tag and an elk tag. Well one of the things he had done that I discovered when he took off was that instead of locking the guns in the gun cabinet he had left them out next to it and left the work room door, where the cabinet is, unlocked so the kids could go in. I am parinoid about this so since the rifles are actully in his dads name I had him come and get the guns. Well hubby still wants to get his tags so wants to get the guns back. I told him it was up to his dad. I had sent his dad and mom a lot of info from here so they are learning just like me. So when he phoned his dad his dad said it was up to me. So I explained to hubby that because of his careless actions the guns were not allowed in the house. If he wanted to go hunting he would have to either borrow a gun from a friend for a day or from his dad for a day. But no guns kept here. So he could still hunt just with a little inconvience. He was very upset with that. Threw the "you do not trust me" card out there. but I did not falter. I was very impressed with his parents not giving in either and leaving it up to me. Took hubby a while but he is no longer as upset since we are all sticking to our "guns" persay. lol

So so far so good. I keep reminding myself one day at a time. I just have to get through one day at a time. Thanks to our doctor friend too who talked me down yesterday. I was really freaking out but he helped me a huge deal. So does reading everything here.
Nikki

Good for you for sticking to your guns ... lol.. i mean boundaries. Sounds like
you are doing the right things. Sending prayers that he'll stick to the rules of his probation and begin to truly want to work his recovery. Keep reading and posting.

i hope everything goes well for you!! I think it is great that the court ordered all those rules!! Maybe with the help and counceling provided he will get better. I agree 100% about the guns not being in your house. Be strong!

Boundaries...
 

HI NIKKI,

IT IS SO WONDERFUL THE COURT IS WITH YOU ON THIS. YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP THINKING ONE DAY AT A TIME AND YOU CAN DO IT. :comfort

HE HAS GOT TO WATCH HIMSELF SO IT IS GOOD HE HAS A JAIL SENTENCE HANGING OVER HIS HEAD IF HE BREAKS HIS PAROLE/PROBATION. :a043:

MY BROTHER QUIT DRINKING FOR 14 YEARS WHEN HE HAD A TEN YEAR SUSPENDED SENTENCE OVER HIS HEAD. BUT HE STARTED DRINKING AGAIN WHEN HE FELT SURE THEY COULDN'T PUT HIM IN JAIL....ALTHOUGH HE DID GO TO JAIL SEVERAL TIMES FOR OTHER THINGS.

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS....ENJOY A THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY AND BE THANKFUL YOU HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BEHIND YOU. :Val004:

KELSH

I'm very glad it all went well, but particularly grateful that you held firm about the no guns rule. Regardless of how he feels about you trusting him, his actions show that irresponsibility can certainly be deadly. What you did is not only a good boundary but keeps your kids safe too. Hugs

I have to ask this question, having been through addicts deciding to come home and me letting them.

What will you do if he breaks your house rules?

What is your boundary...what is the consequence he will face? What CAN you do? And will you be able to stick to it? Having a list is the first step; knowing what you will do when he breaks your rules is a crucial part of the equation.

I am not totally sure on all of it but I do know for sure that if he does drugs agian then he is out permantly. And I have no choice but to follow through with that one because my kids are too important to risk them growing up with him as he is doing drugs. If he breaks the rules that are the same as the rules of probation then his family and I have agreed that we will let his probation officer know, and he knows this. And I know I will follow through on that. So he knows it would be risking 18 months in jail for breaking those rules. If he breaks my other house rules then he will be out till he is willing to follow them agian. That is how I hope to handle my other house rules anyway.

Yesterday he did go for a urine test that I request he take if he was coming home since he has been gone for well over a week. So far today has been good and he is in a good mood. We went together to take our new son to the doctors visit and our new son had gained 9 ounces since the last visit. So that made us happy. So far so good. One day at a time.
Nikki

It's great to hear positive stories from people. They give a ray of hope to all of us struggling!