redside

Drove me so close to the edge that I can see that there is a bottom, but I do not want to take that fall.
Made me see that the things she said are my faults were just her way of distracting me from what she hoped I would not really see ( Hey, watch this hand, while the other hand still holds the meth pipe).
Made me truly understand the phrase “lying by omission”.
Drove home the fact that I am an enabler (I can fix this, you know).
Drove me to the point of finally letting go.

Are you wondering when the pain stops?
Not anymore. I’m to numb to feel it right now.
Maybe after I’ve let go for long enough.
After I’ve truly accepted the fact that I will never be able to fix her. That she has to do that herself.

I finally, really read all the stickys above.
I finally saw what I was doing to myself and how distructive it was, to not just me but others around me.
I finally see my path for what it is. A rocky climb that will someday become smoother and more level, but will always have some bumps.

mooselips

Wow Redside,
A powerful post....I think you're seeing it as it really is.





Hugs and prayers coming your way...

newsandi

Great posts, I hope someday that I can be tougher on my AS. He does all the above also and I need to cut him off.

Ann

It's an surprise, I think, when our vision clears and we see things as they really are.

That's not always an ending, sometimes it's the beginning of some great recovery.

Glad you're with us.

Hugs

hope213

you are being to see the light & peace will come to you. it is hard for us as moms to finally let go.welcome to S.R. my addict is my son.prayers,

redside

I have acted like a mom on more than one occasion, but the addict in my life is my partner. She had one year clean and sober. Then three days before we were to move from Oregon to Colorado I found out she had started using again. What choice did I have? I sucked it in and made the move. All seemed to be going well. She did meetings, seemed to be living clean, but then all the signs started again. Coming home after being out of town for two weeks and finding almost all our money gone and no sign of remorse and or even showing that it was wrong broke something in me. Hence the first post above. Now the real work starts, as they say. I quit. I will not be her nurse maid any longer. I wish I could feel anger but it's not there anymore.

Doug

Those "moments of clarity" have saved me more than once. One sharp moment is all it takes to puncture denial sometimes.

Good for you.

caileesnana

I used to think it was the end of a book, game over. Now I see it as a different chapter in my big life book, somedays a completely different series!
I admire your strength and recovery!
thanks
susan

bookmiser

((((((Redside)))))))



Anger definitely helped me start my journey of recovery.
I guess, in the beginning, it's easier to let go when angry.
I'm glad your journey has lead you to us.
You write with an eloquence of an old soul. I dig that about you.
Keep comin' back.
A new sr friend,

Mavis

(((redside)))

It's been 9 months since my seperation from AH. It sounds like quite a while, and that by this time my recovery should be shining. Unfortunetly it is not. At times I still feel the same as you do and the urge to go back with him and fix things are still aching inside of me. I am not sure if I will ever stop mourning the family I wish I had -the husband I needed but I know that my days after all this time are still ... day by day. The good part is, that everyday that does go by, I learn a little more, and I don't make the same decisions I once did. I am sorry you are going through this and this forum is probably the best place (besides a good meeting now and then)
to find answers and good support.