Nikki2003

Till my husband goes to court tomorrow and then most likely home. At least that is what everyone who has talked to him says he plans to do. Half of me is excited at the thought of seeing him and the other half of me is dreading him coming home. Life has not been easy here without him here to help even the little bit that he would. But it has been a lot less stressful in the sense of knowing what to expect everyday. I never knew what to expect form him and how he would act from minute to minute the last couple of months. And that wore me down so much. I am dreading going back to that. I am also dreading hearing him blame me or his family or everyone else for all that has happened. He is a genius about laying on guilt trips and i know he will most likely do that to me when he gets in the door because I have been told that he blames me for the record he will now have.

On the advice of my doctor friend I have made a list of house rules of things that are not allowed in the house and won't be tolerated. If he doesn't agree to these then he can't come back till he does. He said I need to have boundaries set up that are very clear to my husband. So this way he will know what is and is not tolerated.

I don't know how I will handle tomorrow.
Nikki

mooselips

When my youngest son went to court, they ordered him a 6 month lock down rehab.
It was one of the best things to happen in his life.


Good luck tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you....

Nikki2003

He is going to court for domestic violence agianst me not for any drug charges. Luckily he is going to treatment in the middle of December. It is an 18 day program. And the police told me it is a very good facility. I am excited about him going to it. But until he goes he is back home. The police said that since it was his very first offence he would most likely not get any jail time at all and just probation with some conditions.
Nikki

mooselips

Ah sorry Nikki, I forgot, I remembered when you mentioned it.

Anyway, I hope it all goes smoothly, and he's okay tomorrow.
I hope December, and his rehab comes soon too.

Maybe he'll decide to do some meetings while he's waiting?


Hugs

Nikki2003

Thanks.

He will be going to meetings. That is a defiante if he wants to stay here. To stay here he has to follow everything his doctors and therapists have laid out for him to do. And his doctors and therpists are instructed to keep me totally informed of all that is going on. It is one of the boundary rules that my doctor friend told me to write out for him.
Nikki

kelsh

Hi Nikki,

Gosh Nikki it sounds like you have all bases covered for now. He most likely will be in treatment during Christmas maybe. I don't understand why it isn't for a month or is this a different kind of treatment than for drugs/alcohol?

I hope things stay smooth going and he follows his boundaries & rules until he goes to treatment. :comfort

Remember to take care of YOU!

kelsh

Nikki2003

It is a treatment facility for drugs, alcohol and gambling. It does 18 day treatment. I have no idea about the length of time treatment should be for. But he will be there over Christmas.

As for the boundaries I don't even know now if he is even coming home and not knowing is tearing me up inside. He had a friend drop off a wooden sign he had made for our son(older son) bedroom door. He left a note for his friend saying it to drop it off because it is his son's Christmas present. Well why couldn't he just bring it home himself tomorrow if he was planning to come home? Now I have no clue what is going on. Up till now everyone had said that he was planning to come home. Now i don't even know if he is doing that or what he is planning to do.
Nikki

DevastatedJP

Nikki, so sorry that you don't know. Seems to be a common denominator in our lives - not knowing one thing or another. It's just more of the same. I hope he comes home and behaves before he goes to treatment but if he doesn't, it might be a blessing in disguise - you will have normal like you have had since he's been gone. Why in world do we miss them anyway? I've kicked mine out and after a couple days, I'm wanting him back (but I really want the old him back) and the old him is not there. Good luck and hold your head high either way!!!

Ann

Nikki, just keep looking after you and see what tomorrow will bring...tomorrow. One day at a time, yes?

My prayers go out for both of you.

Hugs

Nikki2003

Don't know if tomorrow will come. Saw hubby in teh back alley. Went out to ask him if he will be coming home tomorrow. He said no. He said it is my fault he has a record and that he will not have his life policed. So he said I and the kids are free of him.

So now after all this I am expected to raise these kids myself with no income and no emotional support. I can't believe my life has come to this in a few short months. I am not stable enough to raise these kids myself right now. So I will be phoning for someone to come and get them and then I am headed to the hospital. I can't handle anymore.
Nikki

Live

Please sign up for assistance right away, arrange child support and attend either or both DV counseling and Al-anon
hugs

GiveLove

Nikki,

Please take a deep breath before you make any life-altering decisions. Your husband is simply doing what addicts do. You and your children can still be just fine. Please get some help -- from family, friends, church, local services, a women's shelter -- for yourself and your kids. You can survive this. There is help and support for you.

Hugs,
GL