confused
 

im confused withmy feelings...
i dont even know what to write..
the good thing my husband is in rehab so imhappy about that.
sometimes ifeel happy , than i feel sad,, than confusd than self pitty , than guilty,, than just thinking... its hard to deal with all these emotions..
iknow i have big damage in my soul from all thethings ihave gone through the last years...i know it will get better slowly.. iknow that he might get beter and might not..

sometiems i feel people that know about it feel bad for me and it makesme even feeling worse.. even though on theother side ifeel happy theycare atleast.
i dont know..
i feel sad , anger,hope,guilt, for feeling like this...
i know i have to help my self up
i try, ikeep myslef busy and doing good things for mykids, and family.
it keeps me feeling better than just sit and think....
did anyone lese know what im talking abou ... this feling of big thing onyour chest??....

Hope -

boy, do I know what you are talking about.....I get that big thing on my chest - sometimes I even feel it deep inside of me and it feels like a nasty hairball that I just can't get up. It hurts/aches/defeats me when it's there. Generally, it means that I am triggered. It helps me a whole lot to have a sponsor, go to meetings, talk to another suffering anon, work a 4th step. Actually, working the 4th step really did help me to learn how to deal with all of the resentments. There are days where I have to sit and read daily meditations (one after another) and then that big thing begins to lesson it's hold. That feeling is the monkey on my back - and it's why I have to work an ardorous and daily program. Otherwise, that "thing" gets the better of me and my addiction wins.

Keep posting, try and learn more, know that you are NOT alone - that many of us share those feelings. I've been in recovery awhile now - I still do get those feelings but I'm grateful now to have tools to begin to deal with them. The feelings and emotions still hurt and feel bad - now they just don't last as long. That in itself is a miracle.

People that know "about it" but are not involved w/an addict or recovering addict have absolutely no scope of reference. I've found that it's best for me to only share information with other people in my situation. Inadvertantly, people that mean well say something that triggers me or sends me off (by myself) into those terrible rooms in my head where it's not safe to be alone. I go there and suit up in my victim dress and fall into the abyss.

Remember - move a muscle, move a mood. Faith without action is dead. One day at a time. Feelings are not facts. Fear is false evidence appearing real. This too shall pass.

Lots of love, Donna

thank u so much for allur words!!!
u showed m alot !!
u showed me how to be stronger and stand upand stop being weak...
reading us post mademe think alot and i feel so much better. :Val004:
thank u donna

Its not about being strong or weak its about feelings. Read yesterdays post, "Lang of let go Nov. 19th." Its on Feelings.
I think its important to feel them.
Write them down good and bad.
then let them go for a day. focus on you.
then come back to your writing. Are there feelings you wished didn't control your life right now?
then think, does the feeling come from someone Else's behavior? Is it focused on them? because you need somebody else to do or not do something? then let it go.
Does the feeling come from your behavior? Is the feeling something focused on you? then start there.
i know when others do things that have me feeling sad, angry , hurt, they are true feelings, but I feel them and then try to let them go, because I can't control others behaviors so I shouldn't let those feelings control me.