sjr

my daughter has been home for three days now. and i must say it has been three good days. she is still in the i am sorry mode. which has usually lasted a week or two, then back to the same 'ole. i have gotten a glimpse of the kid i raised, she is still in there some where.

but everyday when i come home from work i wonder if she is going to be here. i gave her the house keys back, i had to because i usually work till 7 or 8 at night, and she gets out of school at 3:30 (by the way she hasn't skipped, well at least not that i know of)!(i will call monday to get her attendance record for the week)

friday when i came home she wasn't here, i freaked out!!! i called around, no one has seen her, nothing. I had literally picked up the phone to report her as a runaway AGAIN when she walked through he door...i immediately said Where Have You Been!!! she says to me mom, i've been doing laundry (we go the laundry facility at our apt. complex)...didn't you see the laundry basket was gone? i actually laughed! no dear i didn't look to see if the laundry basket was gone...not my first thought when MY KID isn't home!

so we've had a couple of good days...she still doesn't think she has a problem, ohhh, but by the way, she thinks her runaway friend really does, and she hopes she gets help! go figure. i am hoping she will go to a meeting mon. i know of a na meeting where there alot of young adults at~she can relate better to people her age...even though i am 37 she thinks i was born in the stone ages....cause "things are different now mom" lol

i know this battle isn't over. it is taking a break....i am waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me and her ....again...does that ever stop? or do you just shove it to the back of your head and enjoy the good day? how do explain to a 16 year old kid that pot is a drug too...and just because you don't snort it or shoot it, that doesn't make it dangerous. i plan on testing her tonight...all the other stuff should be out of her system now except for the pot. so we will see if she has been telling the truth about not using since the hospital incident (when i tried to have her committed). i haven't noticed any of the typical behaviors.

so, i am just trying to figure out....do i stop walking on eggshells today. and just enjoy the moment. or do i continue to over think her every move? i feel in my heart this isn't the end...experience has told me so....i just want it to be...so badly...i feel like her disease is eating me alive. ahhhhhhh....remember the good 'ole days when they we're little and all they wanted was their mommy. i miss that.