Addiction has a voice
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Addiction has a voice
Picture a silhouette of his head. Now inside that head there are words just bouncing around in the emptiness of his mind and when he opens his mouth, the dam breaks and verbal vomit carelessly spews forth without reservation and with the intent to wound, destroy and or kill. Drug abuse desensitizes, dehumanizes as well as demoralizes the addict ... The addict opens his/her mouth and addiction has a voice. Its ugliness is revealed in full form via the words and deeds of the addict.
Here is how it plays out.
Firstly, the addict says something so out in left field that it takes you off guard, you are baffled and before you have a chance to react, a string of absolute ******** pours forth pulling the rug out from underneath your feet. You start to fall and on your way down you get hit with a verbal blow that stuns you, followed by vile words used to knock the air out of you, hurtful ones kick you while your down. Insults and cruelty follow in perfect timing. Snicker and blame enter in soon after.
Then, a loved one you hold dear is the prime weapon here.
Fuel for the hell fire. That loved one is verbally murdered right there in front of you. Your ears cannot escape the horror. Target words rivet your body and mind as verbal bullets blast your loved one apart. Bitterness and hatefulness are companions in this synchronized mayhem ...
Final move: The darkest of dark and straight from the heart of hell pure evil comes in to ensure the kill and pukes up the most horrendous words that form the very sentence that takes you out, kills the heart of your spirit and cuts the throat of your soul
And when all is said and done, the addict just walks away as if nothing happened ...
You are left in the wake of the damage and destruction that comes with the territory of loving someone who has an addiction.
Addiction has no conscience, the addict becomes what addiction creates therefore he/she has no conscience either. As the addiction progresses the person you once knew goes spiraling out of control, descending to deeper levels further down the pit and all the while being charred beyond recognition
The very thing the addict does to you is inadvertently being done to the addict via their addiction in the darkest form of evil you can imagine. Addiction assassinate the person of all they once were and turns them into a breathing zombie who is your worst nightmare
I guess it would be safe to say that what goes on inside the addict shows by what comes out of the addict - addiction mirrored in actions, words and deeds.
It is so very hard to remember that the addict doesn't think, talk, act or behave like a "normal person" and even more important to remember they don't feel like a normal person and by that I mean their feelings and emotions are all being snuffed out ... all that is left is "CAN'T"
The addict can't even be there for themselves much less for anyone else. The one thing that you can count on is YOU CAN'T COUNT ON AN ADDICT. They simply do not have the capability to be there for you.
The addict carries the cross of addiction around every where they go - addiction makes a person weak.
The addict is our addiction therefore making us weak - it is a viscous cycle
Hardcore reality check = both addicts are now spiraling down into the pit of addiction hell and both are being charred on the way down .. both beyond recognition.
Ever hear a recovering addict say "I can't believe what I became"
Ever hear a recovering co/dependent say, "I didn't even know who I was anymore and I didn't like the person I had become?" our brains are warping in the heat ... We're being charred in the pit .... ...
Crisis mode and Chaos is followed by excitement and adrenaline rush. At the same time we complain about all the drama and chaos the addict has brought to our lives. We become addicted to them. Life seems dull and boring without them we're used to high drama living. In times when it feels boring you might even find that you will create drama just spice things up a bit. Resist this urge and recognize life isn't boring, but rather peaceful and that's okay.
Another trap for ourselves is when we begin expecting the addict to behave and act like a "normal person" ...
If you find yourself expecting your addicted loved one to do, say, act, feel or behave in a certain way .. then you can expect to be let down.
Expectations = disappointment. Disappointment feeds and breeds more negative thoughts and emotions, from there the ball just keeps rolling.
YOU CAN STOP THE BALL at any time - by learning to love YOU!. Take all that energy you have been investing into your addiction "the addict" and put it into yourself by doing what is in your best for you, do the things you enjoy. Take back control of you and your life. Make it what you want it to be instead of waiting for the addict to change to make you happy. Make yourself happy. It is possible, however, it takes focusing on something other than the "addict". Get something done that maybe you've been putting off while spending time obsessing over the addict and his/her behavior.
Do something for YOU. Take a bubble bath, do your hair, put on some makeup, go to a movie, grab a bite to eat (one you don't have to make or cook), begin to be good to you. You deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You got all this love to give and no one to give it to, well, who better of a candidate for it than yourself.
I must warn you, doing for you will not come naturally as it defies the co-dependent nature totally and you might find that you don't want to do for you. It might literally take making yourself do for you. You might find that you feel guilty like you don't deserve good treatment or like you've abandoned your addict. All I can say is if you feel those feelings, "Good!" because that means your on the right track. Stay on it, keep on keepin' on and before you know it ... You'll begin to like the person you see in the mirror and you'll find she makes a great best friend. She can even take you by the hand, guide and walk with you as you journey down the road to loving yourself.
Freedom isn't free and change is an inside job.
Both take hard diligent work, but the payoff is priceless.
Well, what are ya waitin' for?
Get ta steppin' already!
Passion
Here is how it plays out.
Firstly, the addict says something so out in left field that it takes you off guard, you are baffled and before you have a chance to react, a string of absolute ******** pours forth pulling the rug out from underneath your feet. You start to fall and on your way down you get hit with a verbal blow that stuns you, followed by vile words used to knock the air out of you, hurtful ones kick you while your down. Insults and cruelty follow in perfect timing. Snicker and blame enter in soon after.
Then, a loved one you hold dear is the prime weapon here.
Fuel for the hell fire. That loved one is verbally murdered right there in front of you. Your ears cannot escape the horror. Target words rivet your body and mind as verbal bullets blast your loved one apart. Bitterness and hatefulness are companions in this synchronized mayhem ...
Final move: The darkest of dark and straight from the heart of hell pure evil comes in to ensure the kill and pukes up the most horrendous words that form the very sentence that takes you out, kills the heart of your spirit and cuts the throat of your soul
And when all is said and done, the addict just walks away as if nothing happened ...
You are left in the wake of the damage and destruction that comes with the territory of loving someone who has an addiction.
Addiction has no conscience, the addict becomes what addiction creates therefore he/she has no conscience either. As the addiction progresses the person you once knew goes spiraling out of control, descending to deeper levels further down the pit and all the while being charred beyond recognition
The very thing the addict does to you is inadvertently being done to the addict via their addiction in the darkest form of evil you can imagine. Addiction assassinate the person of all they once were and turns them into a breathing zombie who is your worst nightmare
I guess it would be safe to say that what goes on inside the addict shows by what comes out of the addict - addiction mirrored in actions, words and deeds.
It is so very hard to remember that the addict doesn't think, talk, act or behave like a "normal person" and even more important to remember they don't feel like a normal person and by that I mean their feelings and emotions are all being snuffed out ... all that is left is "CAN'T"
The addict can't even be there for themselves much less for anyone else. The one thing that you can count on is YOU CAN'T COUNT ON AN ADDICT. They simply do not have the capability to be there for you.
The addict carries the cross of addiction around every where they go - addiction makes a person weak.
The addict is our addiction therefore making us weak - it is a viscous cycle
Hardcore reality check = both addicts are now spiraling down into the pit of addiction hell and both are being charred on the way down .. both beyond recognition.
Ever hear a recovering addict say "I can't believe what I became"
Ever hear a recovering co/dependent say, "I didn't even know who I was anymore and I didn't like the person I had become?" our brains are warping in the heat ... We're being charred in the pit .... ...
Crisis mode and Chaos is followed by excitement and adrenaline rush. At the same time we complain about all the drama and chaos the addict has brought to our lives. We become addicted to them. Life seems dull and boring without them we're used to high drama living. In times when it feels boring you might even find that you will create drama just spice things up a bit. Resist this urge and recognize life isn't boring, but rather peaceful and that's okay.
Another trap for ourselves is when we begin expecting the addict to behave and act like a "normal person" ...
If you find yourself expecting your addicted loved one to do, say, act, feel or behave in a certain way .. then you can expect to be let down.
Expectations = disappointment. Disappointment feeds and breeds more negative thoughts and emotions, from there the ball just keeps rolling.
YOU CAN STOP THE BALL at any time - by learning to love YOU!. Take all that energy you have been investing into your addiction "the addict" and put it into yourself by doing what is in your best for you, do the things you enjoy. Take back control of you and your life. Make it what you want it to be instead of waiting for the addict to change to make you happy. Make yourself happy. It is possible, however, it takes focusing on something other than the "addict". Get something done that maybe you've been putting off while spending time obsessing over the addict and his/her behavior.
Do something for YOU. Take a bubble bath, do your hair, put on some makeup, go to a movie, grab a bite to eat (one you don't have to make or cook), begin to be good to you. You deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You got all this love to give and no one to give it to, well, who better of a candidate for it than yourself.
I must warn you, doing for you will not come naturally as it defies the co-dependent nature totally and you might find that you don't want to do for you. It might literally take making yourself do for you. You might find that you feel guilty like you don't deserve good treatment or like you've abandoned your addict. All I can say is if you feel those feelings, "Good!" because that means your on the right track. Stay on it, keep on keepin' on and before you know it ... You'll begin to like the person you see in the mirror and you'll find she makes a great best friend. She can even take you by the hand, guide and walk with you as you journey down the road to loving yourself.
Freedom isn't free and change is an inside job.
Both take hard diligent work, but the payoff is priceless.
Well, what are ya waitin' for?
Get ta steppin' already!
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Passion, once again practically everything you have to say hits home for me.
It's been four weeks since my abf if thats what he is to me has left my home. I was spiraling out of control, I was gone down real fast the last month he was home. I got to the point where I didnt want to be here anymore. All my sense of being went into him, his drama, what he wanted and nothing of what I deserved. I lost myself the past 4 years, I dont even know who I am at times because I became so focused on him whether he was clean, in a program, or in jail and relapsed. Now its four weeks he has been gone and at first it was extremely hard. I didnt know what is was like for me not to walk with my chest tight, not to walk around angry all the time, not having to worry if I was going to be asked for ten dollars. This past weekend was the first weekend that I felt okay and was so depressed. I became I addicted to him in so many ways that it reminded me of his addcition to crack. Little by little I am gaining myself back. I know its going to take a long time to find me again and I will have my ups and downs. But I am free of him and his addiction.
It's been four weeks since my abf if thats what he is to me has left my home. I was spiraling out of control, I was gone down real fast the last month he was home. I got to the point where I didnt want to be here anymore. All my sense of being went into him, his drama, what he wanted and nothing of what I deserved. I lost myself the past 4 years, I dont even know who I am at times because I became so focused on him whether he was clean, in a program, or in jail and relapsed. Now its four weeks he has been gone and at first it was extremely hard. I didnt know what is was like for me not to walk with my chest tight, not to walk around angry all the time, not having to worry if I was going to be asked for ten dollars. This past weekend was the first weekend that I felt okay and was so depressed. I became I addicted to him in so many ways that it reminded me of his addcition to crack. Little by little I am gaining myself back. I know its going to take a long time to find me again and I will have my ups and downs. But I am free of him and his addiction.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
