starting to feel sick AGAIN will this EVER stop?
 

first of all for those that dont know me I am known here as "the king" which you could proabaly figiure out based on looking at my user name (I call myself that because to say that confidence is not lacking would be an understatment) anyway long story short I am the son of man who has done it ALL and when I say he's done it all I mean the man has done every drug known to man and proabaly some we dont even know exists coke, herion (spelling), crack excasty (spelling?) you name it he's done it. I'm writing this because I'm worried thast he might be using or dealing again, I am worried about this because the last time I spoke to him he admitted that yes he was clean but that he missed the money he made while he was dealing and dealing usually leads to using. what makes it worse is that I havent spoke to him in months, I called him for his birthday but he never called me back and usually when that happens..............

this is NOT the best time for me to be worried either (I'm literally starting to feel sick as I write this) my 2nd college midterm is coming up in exactly one week and I cant focus

I'm screwed if I dont get my mind off this and I know that but damnmit thats easier said then done

King, I am sorry about your dad and I know how you have struggled with this.

Sadly, he will use or not use whether you worry or not. Until he is ready to quit, nothing can change his course. Believe me, if love and trying everything we know could stop an active addict, not one of us would be here.

My son is an addict so I know your pain of watching someone you love destroy themselves. We don't have to allow ourselves to be destoyed too, King, and what helped me more than anything else was to go to meetings, get a sponsor and learn to work 12 steps of recovery that literally saved my life.

There are meetings where you are, maybe try to find one and give it a chance. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

My prayers go out for your dad and for you too.

Hugs

to be fair to my knowldge he still is clean it's just that the BIG clue popped up again when he didnt call back and the fact that I know he is or atleast WAS thinking of dealing is very very concering.

quite frankly If I ever found out that he relapsed........well lets just pray that doent happen cause I cant predict what my reaction would be but I do know I proabaly wouldnt take it well

This has to be one of the most concerning things to me...seeing a son or daughter worried about their parents drug addiction. It is the parents who are suppose to set the example for the child. I know, I know, there are tons of addicts out there with children, children who have to worry about their parents..But...it shouldn't be this way!! This young adult (the King) is progressing through one of the most important steps for his future and he has to deal with the fact that he may lose his father to his addiction or jail if he starts selling.

King, I am so sorry that you have to deal with something like this. It isn't bad enough that kids have it rough these days but to have the concerns about your dad must be awful. My prayers go out to you and your family and I hope that you find the time to put your feelings aside and do well in your studies.

Best of luck,

Trisha

Hi King
I am the QUEEN of triggers and it sounds like your Dad not returning you call was a big trigger.
But lets look at this from a different view...
What is it that you can do to stop his actions if he did choose to go back out?
Nothing
What would fairing poorly at school help?
Nothing
What would stopping your life to try to get his on track accomiplish?
Nothing

When I spin in the "awful" thoughts it sometimes helps to write it down(was told that here) destroy it (Many here prefer burning :) ) And give it up to HP.
If that doesn't do the trick, I will sometimes allow myself only one hour to dwell with a promise to move on to other things.

Good luck with your finals...
(((Hugs)))
Cece

Hey, King, the beautiful thing about "our" program is that it teaches us how to be in a good place....regardless of how the addict in our life is doing.

I hope your dad is okay, although I agree that when they lose contact it is usually because they are ashamed for us to know how they are.

The instinct you feel is disturbing you, and the thought of IF he does start using again admittedly will take you to a bad place. Working a program for yourself will help you deal with that demon called fear.

Have you tried any meetings? Alanon, Naranon or CoDA are great and also ACOA is good for children of addicts. All of these programs are not about the addict nor their substance, they are about us and our issues in dealing with a loved one who is addicted. You'd be doing yourself a great favour to give meetings a try.

Hugs

So you don't have anything but a tiny peice of information (no call back) and your mind has taken that information, blown it up, made some decisions about what is probably happening and already jumped to what you might do "if".


Big grin.


Dang, King - you be one of us!


We call that "future tripping"... my mind tends to do that when I don't have enough "drraaaaaama" going on.

One of the "fixes" for it is to write it out - all of it. All the what-ifs and maybes and if-onlys and he could end up heres.... get it out on PAPER. Then read it and burn it.

While burning it - send up a prayer (don't worry about to WHOM you are praying - it DON'T matter) - send up a prayer that Higher Power will resolve those issues for you so that YOU can concentrate on your studies.


Sound silly? ... yeah. But it works.



(((King)))

Sorry and nice to meet you!
prayers for you and your dad--
susan:praying