Uhoh..I feel to help my son
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 287
Uhoh..I feel to help my son
My son is living on the streets of Manhattan, and earns a few dollars a day for food working for a courier business. He's on methadone (90 mgs) a day, and seems fairly stable...he's 20 years old.
He calls about once a week just to say Hi (I've asked him to do this so I know he's alive).
My latest plan is to get him to a medical/detox plan from methadone and then into a oxford house. Unfortunately, there's a lot of controversy over "done" and 1/2 houses don't let people in using it.
He's not asking for this, but I'm just having a spasm of "want to fix things"...time for an Nar-anon meeting I guess.
It's so so hard at times.
So glad I found this group....thanks for letting me vent...
He calls about once a week just to say Hi (I've asked him to do this so I know he's alive).
My latest plan is to get him to a medical/detox plan from methadone and then into a oxford house. Unfortunately, there's a lot of controversy over "done" and 1/2 houses don't let people in using it.
He's not asking for this, but I'm just having a spasm of "want to fix things"...time for an Nar-anon meeting I guess.
It's so so hard at times.
So glad I found this group....thanks for letting me vent...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Hurting,
I know how bad you want to help your son and rightfully so, you are his dad. I can tell you that when my RAD was on methadone she was also using other drugs. Eventually she got kicked out of the methadone clinic. At that point I did send her to a very costly rehab out in Orange County, Calif. She detoxed off of methadone which she says was the hardest drug to detox off of. She did beautifully there until she met and feel in love with an addict. Things went well for a while both were clean. Of course it didn't last. Long story short after a 3 jail stints she finally got clean on her own. I knew I could do no more for her and I let her go. Today she is clean and doing well. It seems once I let go....I even quit my begging prayers to God. She took control over her own life. She was harboring a lot of pain down deep that she has been sharing with me and helps me to understand her better.
If you think your help would be something that your son would want from you then I say do it. It has to be if he wants it though or your efforts will be in vain. I know everytime I had my hand in my daughter's recovery it didn't work. When I took a step back and let her control it is when it worked her way.
I'm glad your son calls you every week. I also maintained a calling relationship with my daughter even in the worst of times. I always wanted her to know that I loved her no matter what.
Hugs and prayers for you and your son...........Lo
I know how bad you want to help your son and rightfully so, you are his dad. I can tell you that when my RAD was on methadone she was also using other drugs. Eventually she got kicked out of the methadone clinic. At that point I did send her to a very costly rehab out in Orange County, Calif. She detoxed off of methadone which she says was the hardest drug to detox off of. She did beautifully there until she met and feel in love with an addict. Things went well for a while both were clean. Of course it didn't last. Long story short after a 3 jail stints she finally got clean on her own. I knew I could do no more for her and I let her go. Today she is clean and doing well. It seems once I let go....I even quit my begging prayers to God. She took control over her own life. She was harboring a lot of pain down deep that she has been sharing with me and helps me to understand her better.
If you think your help would be something that your son would want from you then I say do it. It has to be if he wants it though or your efforts will be in vain. I know everytime I had my hand in my daughter's recovery it didn't work. When I took a step back and let her control it is when it worked her way.
I'm glad your son calls you every week. I also maintained a calling relationship with my daughter even in the worst of times. I always wanted her to know that I loved her no matter what.
Hugs and prayers for you and your son...........Lo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 19
I sure can understnd wanting to fix things and see the end successful result. Too bad we cam't fix our children's problems but only they can do that. Hang in there, give him your love every week. Hugs to you both.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
I agree with Lobo, if your son wants it,so be it. It wouldn't hurt just to put it out there for him to decide for himself if he wants off the "done".
But do get to a meeting, there might be some words of wisdom to ensure your decision to offer the help or not.
hugs and prayers to and your son.
But do get to a meeting, there might be some words of wisdom to ensure your decision to offer the help or not.
hugs and prayers to and your son.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
(((Dad))) Boy, have I been where you are...
I learned that I need to do what I can live with. Even when I gave my kids food or paid a bill and KNEW it was because their money went to drugs... sometimes I did it because I worried LESS by doing so.
Do what you can live with.
(((hugs)))
I learned that I need to do what I can live with. Even when I gave my kids food or paid a bill and KNEW it was because their money went to drugs... sometimes I did it because I worried LESS by doing so.
Do what you can live with.
(((hugs)))
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
((((((Dad)))))))
Sending you prayers and support. I know, too well, the need to fix'em.
Been there, tryin' not to do that. lol
My son was, at one time, on 85 mil of methadone a day. When told (by me)
that he would have to start paying for it himself, he weaned off fast.
It led him back out there. It took 6 months in jail to kick his heroin addiction.
He gets counseling and meds for bi-polar symptoms now.
Never worked a recovery program. Says he didn't need it.
I'm here for me. lol
Bless you and your son.
Hugs from one parent to another,
Sending you prayers and support. I know, too well, the need to fix'em.
Been there, tryin' not to do that. lol
My son was, at one time, on 85 mil of methadone a day. When told (by me)
that he would have to start paying for it himself, he weaned off fast.
It led him back out there. It took 6 months in jail to kick his heroin addiction.
He gets counseling and meds for bi-polar symptoms now.
Never worked a recovery program. Says he didn't need it.
I'm here for me. lol
Bless you and your son.
Hugs from one parent to another,
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
hi Hurting dad,
We all know the pain of seeing/thinking of our children on the streets. I had someone explain to me one of the reasons why: We see them as an amalgam of every stage of their lives. they are still our little boys when they are in trouble.
she then explained to me that my son was not a Little boy. He isn't as uncomfortable as I am probably believing, and that maybe he needed to be a little more uncomfortable so he would hit bottom and start wanting out and help.
okay so it made sense,and i use it when a rational decision needs to be made, but the little boy thing still is there in my head and heart. Sending understanding and strength your way
Cathy
We all know the pain of seeing/thinking of our children on the streets. I had someone explain to me one of the reasons why: We see them as an amalgam of every stage of their lives. they are still our little boys when they are in trouble.
she then explained to me that my son was not a Little boy. He isn't as uncomfortable as I am probably believing, and that maybe he needed to be a little more uncomfortable so he would hit bottom and start wanting out and help.
okay so it made sense,and i use it when a rational decision needs to be made, but the little boy thing still is there in my head and heart. Sending understanding and strength your way
Cathy
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Hi there Dad, My son went to rehab at my urging at 18 and again at 19. When he was 20 (he's now 23) whenever I jumped in with a recovery solution he alienated and I wouldn't hear from him for a long time. To be in a 1/2 house as you said they are suppose to be seeking sobriety. It seems your son is happy with his methadone connection. I know all too well your anxious need to get him the help you think he needs. Probably like me it is hard to sleep because of this anxiety. Parenting an addict is not an easy road. we have to learn how to keep our equlibrium, peace + joy in spite of the situation. I hope tomorrow is better for you. Keep sharing here as our collective strength is a blessing. Keep the faith that your son will get better.
live 2 love, love 2 live
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: addison,Il
Posts: 18
hi there Dad,
I to know the feeling like you want to fix it but your son has to want to make the calls to get the help otherwise it will not work. As far as the half way house my husband just was put in one today and he sounds very happy to be there, right now he is the only person in the house so he will be there by his self untill someone comes along. he has to find a job and has to be home by 9:30pm on weekdays and 10pm on weekends. (his first words were my daughter gets to stay out longer then me) lol
well keep on posting, and stay strong
keep on loving him and hope that he will find the help that is hard to find but it's out there.
I to know the feeling like you want to fix it but your son has to want to make the calls to get the help otherwise it will not work. As far as the half way house my husband just was put in one today and he sounds very happy to be there, right now he is the only person in the house so he will be there by his self untill someone comes along. he has to find a job and has to be home by 9:30pm on weekdays and 10pm on weekends. (his first words were my daughter gets to stay out longer then me) lol
well keep on posting, and stay strong
keep on loving him and hope that he will find the help that is hard to find but it's out there.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
He's not asking for this, but I'm just having a spasm of "want to fix things"...time for an Nar-anon meeting I guess.
I know your feelings and can tell you that your thoughts are right on the mark.
Hugs
Hug giver-outer!
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: The State of Possibilities
Posts: 533
Boy, I am with Ann on this one!
From the mom of an addict daughter, yup, time for a meeting. We all have our own time and way of doing things but a meeting could help!
Hugs,
Marteen
Oh I wish I had good recovery thoughts like that years ago when I was running around trying to find the "next" right thing for my son...it could have saved me a lot of time, aggravation and money.
Hugs,
Marteen
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
