sjr

but the war rages on...so they say. i took my daughters keys to my house. as she was walking out the door without so much as saying bye, i stopped her and said.."if you check your key chain you will find you have no house keys, be home by 9:00 or you will not be able to get in the house" she looked at me like i had lost my mind, said "whatever" and left. it is 10:15 now. no sign of her. all i can assume is she will not be home tonight. oddly enough i tried to watch grey's anatomy, one of my fav shows and cried all the way through it. they kept showing this little baby, i really don't even know what the story line was tonite, but all i could think of was the little baby i had, she was a premie, very sick. how i struggled with hope and prayer to keep her alive then, and how now i continue to struggle to keep her alive. i really, really, really, don't know what to do anymore. this has been going on so long, i feel like i eat, sleep, and breathe, addiction. i feel like i just need a break, but if i take one, she will get one more step ahead of me. which doesn't even make sense when i say it, because, i feel like she is miles ahead of me already. just trying to stay strong here and not lose the hope that my baby, my addict, my daughter, will come back home to me safely.

TrishaV

Awww, I am so sorry that you are going through this. The olny thing I can say is leave her locked out of the house. If she doesn't come home report her. She needs to know that this is your home and your rules or she will have to face the law. The bad part is that we are responsible for our children at this age. If she does something that breaks the law while she is out there...you will end up paying for it. I think if you start calling the police when she is missing this may be the wake up call she needs.

Sorry for all your heartache and I hope everything turns out for the best.

Trisha

caileesnana

Prayers for you and your daughter.
susan
:praying

Ann

SJR, I'm sending a big mom-size hug because I remember what it feels like when this happens.

Have you tried any meetings? That's what helped me more than anything.

Hope you feel better by tomorrow

Impurrfect

((((SJR))))))

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I agree with Trisha - call the law if you have too, don't let her back in. As hard as it is, she needs to face reality that she's NOT an adult and can't do things her way without consequences. Remember, you have given her the option...follow my rules or deal with the consequences. If she doesn't follow your rules (which she isn't), SHE is making the choice to deal with the consequences. It's not anything you're doing TO her....it's what she is doing to herself.

Please take care of you.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

havehope

Another mom here sending hugs your way. My daughter is the addict in my life. It is soooo hard for us parents to watch our kids make horrible decisions. Butit is their decision and they should suffer the consequences. Make sure you can keep the boundries you set for your home. They are so clever at manipulation and making us give in "just one more time". I have been there too, and I know how hard this is for you.
HUGS

rahsue

another mom of an addict here sending you hugs and prayers. I too eat sleep and breathe addiction, I guess we all do or have. Your not alone we are here for your support. I hope your daughter sees the light soon and you can have your daughter back.

misslisa

Hi there SJR,

gosh your girl sounds like me (when I was her age)

I just did what I wanted when ever I wanted. My parents set their boundaries, (but deep down I knew that they would always be there for me). The said to me that if I wanted to be treated like an adult then I had to act like one (I dropped out of school, got a job and paid board!, I was going to drop out of school anyway, but at least I had the option of still staying at home!).
for years they had to 'save' me from bad situations that I got myself into, in a way I knew they would so i kept living a crazy life without ever thinking about the consequenses. I just really wish that they sat down with me to understand me and respect me. I felt that they just judged me, so I never told them the hurt that I had inside of me. I found my escape with drugs and alcohol.

It was my mother and fathers love that finally helped to pull me out of it all (15 years later! and after a social worker gave them advise!) basically if I wanted to help myself, then they would help me, if I choose to carry on with my horrid lifestyle choices, then they didnt want a part of it. But they always told me that when I am ready for help that they would be there.

Im not to sure what advice to give you, but I thought I would share a wee bit of my history. Love conquors all! Lots of prayer!, Sticking to your boundaries and letting her know that your there for her.

Oh! another thing... I remember a big argument with my parents one night about me going off and not telling them where I was. My Mum was soooo angry with me! but she said the best thing.... "all I want to know is where you are" and i replied "well if I tell you the truth now your not aloud to get angry" we made a pact that no matter where I was going or what I was doing, she was to know where I was and who I was with" We kept to that agreement. I still remember her sad eyes when I would tell her what party and with whom. But she would just nod at me and say nothing. I know now that she would end up on her knees all night praying for the Lord to keep me safe!

Best of luck! keep us posted with whats going on and if I can help please message me!

misslisa

sjr

thank you to everyone for being so supportive. is it crazy that i have gone from crying to just plain ole' P****D off.

Spiritual Seeker

It seems like your daughter is an underage teen. She needs treatment and if she's under 18 you can force her to go.She must have a truancy + academic prob. at high school is she is using drugs and staying out late. Although, residential boarding schools are very very expensive. Maybe you can Talk to the school psychologist as a starting point. In my county there are 8 Al-anon mtgs. just for parents...you might want to look up your al-anon mtgs up in the county you live and see what is available to help you cope.

Impurrfect

sjr -

No, I don't think it's crazy to go from crying to p*****d off. In fact, it took me getting angry to actually stick to my boundaries. That's when I realized "I don't have to put up with this".

Anger is just one of the feelings we go through, and like all the rest of the feelings....the only way to get through them is to feel them.

Keep us posted.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

sjr

i was told by my daughter's counselor that i could not force her into rehab. she would have to want to go. when i asked how could a fifteen (at the time) year old heroin addict, have more rights than her parent, the answer i was given and i quote "ma'am this is the united states"

misslisa

court order? maybe? Is your family doctor aware of her issues?

Jwife22

I would check with someone else on that, possibly an atty who knows the codes and statues or even someone from a rehab who would be aware. I don't think that is correct as we had family in NC who dealt with a similar problem quite a few years ago.

Bonichickadee

Great big hugs to you from another mother.

rahsue

I see an awful lot of kids her age going to boot camp.

Spiritual Seeker

The counselor appears to be misinformed. Through my parent's mtg. I know 5 parents that have forced their teens into facilities. Only some states have "lock down" facilities (my state CA does not) Utah and Arizona are two that do and where the people I know have sent their teens. I did an intervention with a friend where we surprized her teen and took him to a treatment ctr.