Another test of my codie recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Another test of my codie recovery
Geez - just when I think I have one problem solved, here comes another one.
I'll try to keep it short. My stepsister, T, just got out of detox from Klonopin addiction and is doing well. She has major health problems -bad heart, fibromyalgia, migraines, so the recovery from addiction is just one of the things she's dealing with.
My stepmom (and yes, I love her dearly) is absolutely the worst codependent I know, and sees nothing wrong with the fact that she takes pain meds to numb her life (I've found her unconscious 3 times when she took "too much"). She was married to an abusive alcoholic until he died of cancer. My baby stepsister died at 18 in a car wreck, and stepmom has guardianship of my niece. She does not want any help (doesn't think she needs it) and is perfectly content sitting around worrying about everything and being depressed. As a result, we have an out-of-control 14-year-old (my niece) who has no rules and basically does what she wants. My dad has tried to make rules, but stepmom disregards them. I have struggled with the 3 C's on this and the fact that I have to live here because of financial reasons, I can only do something about it when it affects me (like telling my niece to stop screaming when she wakes me up cussing out my stepmom after I've worked all night).
My stepsister doesn't feel like her mom can support her in her recovery because of her OWN issues with drug abuse. They are not speaking right now and my stepmom thinks it's all because she didn't go keep my niece the day I went over there and found out T was in withdrawal.
Stepsister, my niece and nephew are going to church carnival tonight for trick-or-treating, fun and games. Stepmom is going with her friend, says my stepsister is childish and she doesn't want to talk to her. I just told stepmom that she and T have issues, I love them both but this is THEIR problem. I told her there was a lot more than that she didn't keep my niece that day and she tried to goad me into telling her what T said. I told her, AGAIN, that if she wanted to know what T thinks, ask her (although she doesn't hear what T is saying).
I am SOOOOO very grateful for this site, because I am hanging on to all of your ES&H for dear life in this situation. My dad has his own issues and can be a control freak. I feel like this is a toxic place sometimes, BUT I am dealing with it because I've learned from all of you how NOT to get dragged down in the chaos. As Greet says....if it's not in my hula hoop, it's not mine to "fix" (or something like that).
I am off to Walmart to see if I can find an umbrella stroller for nephew. If not, I get to keep up with him....last year I ran around behind him holding on to the hood of his sweatshirt
This year he has some kind of head on his costume....should be very interesting. I'm going to enjoy this blessing I'm getting by being clean AND I'm not gonna get sucked into a situation that's not my problem.....detach with love.
I couldn't do that if I hadn't learned so much from all of you! Thanks so much!
Off to play with the goblins and ghosts!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I'll try to keep it short. My stepsister, T, just got out of detox from Klonopin addiction and is doing well. She has major health problems -bad heart, fibromyalgia, migraines, so the recovery from addiction is just one of the things she's dealing with.
My stepmom (and yes, I love her dearly) is absolutely the worst codependent I know, and sees nothing wrong with the fact that she takes pain meds to numb her life (I've found her unconscious 3 times when she took "too much"). She was married to an abusive alcoholic until he died of cancer. My baby stepsister died at 18 in a car wreck, and stepmom has guardianship of my niece. She does not want any help (doesn't think she needs it) and is perfectly content sitting around worrying about everything and being depressed. As a result, we have an out-of-control 14-year-old (my niece) who has no rules and basically does what she wants. My dad has tried to make rules, but stepmom disregards them. I have struggled with the 3 C's on this and the fact that I have to live here because of financial reasons, I can only do something about it when it affects me (like telling my niece to stop screaming when she wakes me up cussing out my stepmom after I've worked all night).
My stepsister doesn't feel like her mom can support her in her recovery because of her OWN issues with drug abuse. They are not speaking right now and my stepmom thinks it's all because she didn't go keep my niece the day I went over there and found out T was in withdrawal.
Stepsister, my niece and nephew are going to church carnival tonight for trick-or-treating, fun and games. Stepmom is going with her friend, says my stepsister is childish and she doesn't want to talk to her. I just told stepmom that she and T have issues, I love them both but this is THEIR problem. I told her there was a lot more than that she didn't keep my niece that day and she tried to goad me into telling her what T said. I told her, AGAIN, that if she wanted to know what T thinks, ask her (although she doesn't hear what T is saying).
I am SOOOOO very grateful for this site, because I am hanging on to all of your ES&H for dear life in this situation. My dad has his own issues and can be a control freak. I feel like this is a toxic place sometimes, BUT I am dealing with it because I've learned from all of you how NOT to get dragged down in the chaos. As Greet says....if it's not in my hula hoop, it's not mine to "fix" (or something like that).
I am off to Walmart to see if I can find an umbrella stroller for nephew. If not, I get to keep up with him....last year I ran around behind him holding on to the hood of his sweatshirt
This year he has some kind of head on his costume....should be very interesting. I'm going to enjoy this blessing I'm getting by being clean AND I'm not gonna get sucked into a situation that's not my problem.....detach with love.I couldn't do that if I hadn't learned so much from all of you! Thanks so much!
Off to play with the goblins and ghosts!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Well done, Amy. We are powerless over others...all others...and if we want to keep our lives manageable, we keep the focus on us and our recovery.
Living in that chaos just can't be easy. I hope you are able to move out on your own soon.
Hugs
Living in that chaos just can't be easy. I hope you are able to move out on your own soon.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Have a great night Amy...You are doing so well. Wow...you sure have a lot of practice tests in your life, dontcha....
Oh and here's a visual if it helps... I just added it to the Codie Recovery Kit that Cat started.
Happy Halloween!
Oh and here's a visual if it helps... I just added it to the Codie Recovery Kit that Cat started.
Happy Halloween!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thanks!
Greet - I LOVE the visual.
I did have a blast. We got a late start 'cause the 22-month-old locked not one, but both sets of van keys in the van (he was excited) and I couldn't take them in my car (no car seats), so waited for the AAA man to come unlock the van.
Nephew was Elmo, niece was Gabrial from High School Musical. Had her hair sprayed black and when she got in the shower she turned a lovely shade of gray. It was SOOO much fun seeing all the kids in costumes.
Stepsister's best friend was supposed to come but was having issues. She has also become a friend of mine, but tonight I realized she ALSO has a problem with meds and is in total denial. I watched her walk around, totally messed up. Put all my recovery codie tools in effect and even helped my stepsister, T, deal with it. T told me later that her friend did her a favor - now she sees how SHE was just a month ago.
We stayed up 'til 1:30 a.m. discussing recovery and the issues with my stepmom. Stepmom is mad, now, thinks I am taking T's side. Came home and she is doped up on Lortab. Showed her pics of the kids on my phone (don't have a camera yet), gave her my niece's school picture, and went to bed. I'm staying in MY hula hoop - I think it's my new security blanket.
Hugs and prayers!!!
Amy
Greet - I LOVE the visual.
I did have a blast. We got a late start 'cause the 22-month-old locked not one, but both sets of van keys in the van (he was excited) and I couldn't take them in my car (no car seats), so waited for the AAA man to come unlock the van.
Nephew was Elmo, niece was Gabrial from High School Musical. Had her hair sprayed black and when she got in the shower she turned a lovely shade of gray. It was SOOO much fun seeing all the kids in costumes.
Stepsister's best friend was supposed to come but was having issues. She has also become a friend of mine, but tonight I realized she ALSO has a problem with meds and is in total denial. I watched her walk around, totally messed up. Put all my recovery codie tools in effect and even helped my stepsister, T, deal with it. T told me later that her friend did her a favor - now she sees how SHE was just a month ago.
We stayed up 'til 1:30 a.m. discussing recovery and the issues with my stepmom. Stepmom is mad, now, thinks I am taking T's side. Came home and she is doped up on Lortab. Showed her pics of the kids on my phone (don't have a camera yet), gave her my niece's school picture, and went to bed. I'm staying in MY hula hoop - I think it's my new security blanket.
Hugs and prayers!!!
Amy
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