wayconfused

Well, I am here again.... For the first time in my life I called the cops on my ah today. ( well me and my son). I moved back home. Cause he said he wasnt using. And that if he did he would give me a the kids the house. Well I know thats a lie... As usual. He was throwing things and screaming last night cause he didnt have any pills to go to work on today. So me and the girls went to my sons house and slept the rest of the night (it started aroung 11:45). He screamed no need for me to even wake hiom up to go to work cause he didnt have any pills he wasnt going . And thats how it was before. NO pill no work... Anyway, this morning he calls and said he was throwing all our stuff outside again. And how sorry I was for not coming and carrying him to work..And that I had all his money. SO I carried it to him. And my son and him got into a big argument so we called the cops. They actually told him he wouldnt go to jail for throwing or breaking my stuff nor would I if I did his. All I could do is take him to civil court. I really want out. Love is not worth this. I have to get my kids life straightened back up. He just makes me feel so guilty about doing it. I cant stand it anymore I dont want to do this the rest of my life.... I hate it that I have been so stupid cause I know he is not going to change. And everything will always be laid on me. I am wrong on a lot of things. But, I dont deserve all of this. and I should not have to take care of a man. The other day I said you know you love pills more then me and the kids he said yea, its pills then yall then more pills. How can someone be so heartless.
You know even when the cops was on there way he was yelling at me " how are you going to get me out." I'm tired of being the one that picks him back up every time he falls.
I'm just confused I have been with him so long , and when I did move he came there to so. What do I do.??
Thanks all for letting me vent.. I know Im stupid but, Im just learning to pull away from it all.
Way

frankly

((wayconfused))

First of all, you aren't stupid. Second, he is doing what addicts do, try not to be suprised. It is a hard thing to accept, but their first love is the drugs.

It sounds like it's time to start putting you and your needs first.

Sending Hugs and Prayers
B

nytepassion

You are not stupid ... You hoped things would be different .. just because they weren't doesn't make YOU stupid .. What you are witnessing is the power of addiction. It has him in a strong hold. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You tried and trusted him and the addiction proved to be more powerful than you or he. He needs recovery (unless and until) he gets into some sort of recovery he will continue to repeat the same ol' patterns. There is no way over or around it. It is bigger than him or your love for him. And right now he told you the truth pills first. Don't feel like that makes you any less of a person or that it makes you or your children less important because it does NOT. What it is .. is REALITY ... The addicts first and foremost loyalty is to feed the addiction. What you saw is his addiction screaming to be fed ... and when there is no dope to feed it ... thats where the out of control rage comes in to play. You aren't dealing with the person, but the force of addiction. It is ugly, rude, crude, obnoxious and heartless. He isn't in control (his addiction is)

You're not stupid .. You are learning and seeing up close for yourself first hand that all the good intentions in the world are not enough to change the addict .. He needs recovery -

Now it is time to focus on you and the kids -

Passion

wayconfused

He called up here to my job a few min. ago. And asked what I was doing I told hi I didnt know I was tired of this life. and what he ws doing isnt fair. And of course he agreed like he always does. Then he asked was I going to finish fixing up the trailor we just moved in there. I told him I dont know know cause I wasn't going to fight him or live where my kid is scared. He then told me it was because I was getting a big commission check this week. Which thats not what it is. It is because I'm tired of him chaseing pills. Or getting me to take him to the store then one of his dealers are there. And the screaming and acting crazy. Cause at times he acts really out there. He just said this is what I always do.And said now I have to walk to get me some cig. like its my fault. He wrecked his care a few months back. Messed up. And all I said in response was Im sorry you have to do that. I just wished I was strong enough to do what I know needs to be done without all the guilt.
Pray for me guys....

Rose_james

I just want to say I appreciate your post SO MUCH. Not that I'm happy that anyone is going through this, but its how I'm feeling too. So guilty and the reason for all his troubles. I'm sick of it too. But we are seeing the addict - (I know mine wasn't like this when I met him) so I am trying to separate it a bit. I can't be with the addict, I don't hate my husband, I hate the drug. I keep trying to tell myself that. And finally - I'm not responsible for him doing drugs. The other night my AH wanted money from me because he took out his money so he wouldn't use it. When I didn't give it to him, he committed fraud by depositing empty envelopes in the bank and withdrawing money from the ATM. The bank called him in - I told him how stupid and dangerous that was and he actually said - well if you had given me the money, I wouldn't have had to do that. I called him on it and he agreed he was guilting me. But I understand, no matter where you are they will always come and ask for money or guilt us unless we stop it. And by that I mean looking at our behaviour in it and asking for help in changing our behaviour. Just a thought. Be strong - I'm trying too.

wayconfused

thanks rose... I hate to hear what you are going through as well. Guess thats why we come here to get help... And get things off our chest.. I know I cant keep going like this. I am young and I know there has to be more to live then this. And like you, I dont hate him only the addiction. But, sometimes I feel like I am starting to and I dont want that. But, I do refuse to let me kids me scared by anyone. My dad was an addict as well and I can remember being scared. I hate that I have allowed her to be done that way. And yes its his daughter to...
Keep your head up and I will try to do the same...

Ann

Ladies, you are in no way responsible for any of their bad behaviour. That's addiction talking and they are pushing the guilt button to try to get their way. There is just no way you can reason with the insanity of addiction.

It can be dangerous being around an active addict, they will want you to get them money and if you don't they will threaten you or become verbally abusive and that's neither safe nor good for you or your children.

Most of the wives here who left their husbands just reached a point where they had to get out to be safe and left the legal battles over homes to fight from a distance.

Please keep yourselves safe and if necessary find a women's shelter and talk to them. They can tell you better about options for your area and they also give you a safe place to go if you have to leave in a hurry.

Hugs

justjo

Hi sweetie. I know your pain and I have learnt the hard way too. Crazy isnt it, just because we love someone, we can put ourselves through all sorts of muck. I guarantee you that nothing will change unless you change it for yourself. There is nothing you can do for your hubby either, thats his department.
Once I decided 'enough was enough' my life started up again. OK, occasionally it creeps back in because 'they' will call me or something, but now I just say 'gotta go' if they are in the addiction.
It was the only way I could cope, with out them. Love them, but cant live with them, see!!
Dont feel guilty anymore, (I did that for years) It screws with your head, not your fault at all. If you leave him, it may seem difficult for some time but I guarantee smooth sailing from there if you shut him out. Tell him he cant see the kids unless he is sober.
Wishing you well.

Wascally Wabbit

When you think about the guilt he lays on you, what are you guilty of?
This is the biggest game the addicts play. They berate, belittle , lie and manipulate to get what they want. If you don't give it to them, they pitch fits and call you names.
It's the nature of the disease.
You have nothing to be guilty of except wanting PEACE and SERENITY in your life.
A friend once told me, "When someone dumps something you didn't ask for in your lap, stand up and brush it off".
Stay strong and you will find peace soon.

mooselips

((((wayconfused))))
No guilt. YOU have nothing, absolutely nothing to be guilty for.

And there is NO talking any sense when you're talking to an actively using addict.
He will say exactly what he thinks you NEED to hear to keep the scam going on, so you will continue to be his soft place to land.

Have you tried attending any meetings? There's lot of strength and support to be had there.

It's time you put YOU first. What makes YOU happy. What do YOU want in this life?



Hugs and prayers coming your way....