Jail Visit
 

You all probably don't know about Jerry's son Mike. I haven't talked about him here. Because I had my tools to work with from the beginning of meeting Jerry, I've had no problem with dealing with his sons situation. Mike is an addict. He has been since he was about 12 years old. In and out of Juvie, now in and out of prision. This time though, he will be in for several years. It is just breaking Jerry's heart. Jerry is so afraid that he want live to see his son free and clean. It's his only wish before he dies. So we packed up and drove 8 hours to visit him.

It was a good visit. Mike was clear headed. A very intelligent young man. Everything in the world going for him, yet there he sat, in prision. 28 years old. What a waste. My concern wasn't for Mike, it was for his father. Jerry carried the weight of greif for his son on his shoulders. Mike made his choices, he is suffering the consequences of his actions, but Jerry is the one paying the price.

Jerry has cried off and on now for two days. He's like a trapped animal. He knows and understands that concept of letting go, but he just can't seem to do it right now. Normally he does fine with all of it, but right now he is facing his own mortality and he's afraid.

The heartache that a parent endures is incomprehensible to me. The punishment that the prison represents has Jerry inprisioned not Mike. Mike will get out one day and choose to use again or not, I just hope and pray, that Jerry gets his wish, to see his son on the outside.....free and clean.

B

Frankly -

I'm so sorry you and Jerry are going through this.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Frankly, that just touches my heart so deeply and my prayers go out for Jerry and for his son also.

I know his heart breaks just as mine did and the only thing that helped me was to go to meetings and begin working a program that took away my pain and replaced it with hope and healthy living.

If Jerry hasn't been to any meetings of Naranon, Alanon or CoDA, maybe suggest he give it a try, I promise that it helps more than he could know.

And if he does go to meetings, I pray that he'll find that peace that so many of us troubled parents have found.

Jerry is blessed to have someone as understanding as you in his life.

Hugs

Ann - Jerry will never go to a meeting, he want even get on here, believe me, I've tried. He's got that male macho bit going on. He went through every drug there was, was hooked on herion, but he checked himself into a mental unit and just quit. No help, no program, just walked out and never looked back 35 years ago. He can't understand why his son can't do the same thing.

I've given Jerry my understanding and support, I've given him my information and experience, sometimes he draws on it, most times he suffers alone. Using my own tools, I'm not pushing any of it on him, I've given him the information and I try to trust that HP will hold his hand.

I look back now and I understand so much. I know why certain things happened and certain things didn't. It was all for a reason. It all brings us to the now doesn't it. It's like a play unfolding, with twists and turns, suprises and plots that you just don't understand, until the end. Then you look back and it's like a puzzle, all the pieces had to go togeather in just the right order to form the big picture.

Certain people are brought into our lives that help us, and we in turn are brought into other peoples lives to help them, and the cycle continues.

B

Frankly I'm sorry that you and Jerry are going through this. It's tough I know. But at least the hope for recovery is still there. It's when the hope is gone that it's really hard to bear.

Trish

((Trish))

Warm Hugs going your way. Jerry is real sick, has been for about a year now. I guess that's what it's all about, hope.

Love you girl.

B

Frankly, you and Jerry will be in my prayers.

Trish

Your husband is in my thoughts and prayers. I remember that feeling and sadness that he has now.
susan

Frankly, I can feel your sadness for his pain...I know you have done all you can and that you are such a support for him. Addiction is terrible...it's impact is felt by so many in so many different ways. He hurts for his son, you hurt for him...I hurt for your sadness...Sending prayers for all of you, especially Jerry for physical and emotional healing. Many hugs my friend.

Sending prayers your way. I really can't think of a hurt that is as overwhelming as having your child be an addict. I know it has brought me to my knees more than once. Hugs, Marle

All we can do is keep the faith and hope. There are many ways to live life. When our kids choose ways that seem so hard, and with so little concern for themselves we can't comprehend it. I just want to try and stop making any kind of sense of it.
I want to release my son. He is making a mess of his life, but for today I will try and not think about it. I hope you & Jerry find a way to do the same.

(((Frankly)))))

I hope that Mike understands what Jerry's wish is.......

It hurts so bad to see my 26 year old AS named MIke sitting in jail. What a waste of a beautiful soul.
Drugs has taken away everything.
My AS has been through rehabs, jails, mental wards, more rehabs, rescue missions, and yet he continues to use.

Now that he is sitting in jail he is confidant that he won't pick up when he gets released.

I believe in recovery. Even for our Mike's recovery is possible.

The loss that Jerry is feeling is so gut wrenching real. He is feeling weak and fearful.
Fear of the unknown. Maybe you should talk to him about how we are powerless over everyone.
Sometimes it's accepting the powerlessness stuff that our own lives become manageable again.

J

I know how hard this is to accept. Both of my sons have been in jail.
Tell Jerry that his son will be sober and clean in jail! And, for the most part, safe, fed and off the street.
That's the way I had to look at it, and believe it or not, jail was the better option.

Frankly, my husband is just like Jerry. He would never ever go to a meeting of any kind with anyone. He neither drinks nor does drugs but he drank years ago and maybe it's just all too close to home for him.

He seemed fine when my son and I were going through our times, he just took a big step back and didn't get involved unless he was asked. When my son disappeared I went through a terrible dark time and worked through it with the help of this program. My husband went through a hard time too but I didn't understand what was happening for a long time. He just became emotionally unavailable and wouldn't talk about why. That went on for almost a year and then he finally talked about it and let go and he's been okay every since.

I'm sharing that because I think I understand Jerry and his pain, and perhaps it's just something he needs to work through his own way.

I do know that talking about what I learned in my recovery did help my husband. Just sharing the things I had learned and how it worked for me. Sort of his own private meetings, LOL, one on one at home where it is private. He read some of my books too and I think that helped. My husband is a spiritual man and I think that helped a lot. Today he trusts God to look after our son, much like I do.

I didn't mean to be this wordy, but I thought I'd share that in hopes that it helps in some way.

Hugs

(((Frankly))
Do you think that Jerry would be handling his sons consequences easier, if his health wasn't an issue?

The stress that Jerrys experiencing related to his son, may be even more detrimental to his health. Maybe if Jerry's family Dr. knew the emotional issues Jerry is facing, he may have some answers?

Prayers for Jerry, and for you,
And for Mike

Moose - Jerry's health issues are making it real hard for him. He's convinced himself that he's going to die before Mike gets out. Though that is possible, he has worked himself up to believing it like it's a done deal already.

Ann - Jerry and I talk a lot about addiction, more times than not though, I just listen. I have shared a lot of things from this site with him. At one point I read What Addicts Do to him and he asked me to print it out for him, he still has it.

Wascally- I agree. Actually, that's one reason we made this visit, it was Jerry's chance to talk with his son without drugs getting in the way.

Sober - Mike understands Jerry's wish. I made sure that he knows about his Dads health and what his only wish is. In his heart, I think he truelly wants to give him that wish.

Spiritual, Marle, Greet, Cail - thank you for your thoughts and prayers, they are truely felt.

sending prayers to you and your husband. I think it is harder to handle when you are ill and your defenses are low. You have no energy to look any furthur than your pain.

(((((frankly&jerry)))))))

My mom is going thru the samething with one of my brothers who stands to get 20 years soon...

I wish it was not such a far trip for jerry to go and see him. Prayers going out for all of you.