Easeful

Hi all, just thought I'd update you on my son's library visits. We met Wed. a week ago. He'd been clean for something like 6 days. He was upbeat and fun to be around. He caught up on a lot of work that had falling by the way and we agreed to meet the following week.

His birthday was this Wed. and so last Fri. night his Dad called him and announced that he was transferring a bonus $100. into his account to enjoy his weekend. This was against my wishes as I had said no more funds until there's a budget and a budget commitment in place. My husband (an excellent enabler, I should know he was mine for 15 years) said, "Ahh, but it's his birthday."

So this week the three of us met for son's birthday lunch. I couldn't tell if he was using, but then I usually can't. After lunch he hemmed and hawed, said how much he enjoyed our day last week and he hated to disappoint me, but, but, but......

I told him it was his call. That I was going to the library. He decided to go back to the dorm.

::sigh:: I'm not kidding myself. It's not my husband's fault for kicking in the extra $$ (although he almost never helps with his actions) and having my son depend on weekly visits from me to stay sober is at poor long term solution. But I had hoped he could build a little time and get his studies on more solid ground before he went back out.

Going forward...... If he calls me and wants to meet me, I'll let him know when I plan to be at there.

caileesnana

Just love him!
susan

marle

I know that this sounds harsh but take a look at your expectations. If your son is using college will be the last thought in his mind. You may want him to stay in school, get good grades and graduate, but addiction has a funny way of derailing the best laid plans. Only he can decide if he wants to stay clean. Only he can decide when he needs help. You are setting yourself up for disappointment to expect normal behavior from an addict. Their brains just don't work that way. Sending some hugs. I know how hard it is. My daughter used to be a very good student and was attending college and doing well. But the addiction has taken her to such a basic level that all she can manage to do nowadays is find money for her drugs, find someone who has drugs to sell and then get high. It is a 24 hour a day job. Hugs, Marle

parentrecovers

easeful, i'm sending you mom hugs. k

cece

Be thankful for the last visit.
Don't fret about the loss of this one. You don't know why he cancelled and if it was or wasn't drug related. "Why worry twice?"( Is my new motto. Although I am SOOO Good at it.)
And feel hopeful but not expectant towards the next one.
so glad you had a nice visit last time. And hope you still enjoyed your library visit. I love big campus librarys!
Cathy

mooselips

Easeful,
I think you are just overloaded with trying to keep him safe, at least that's how I'm interpreting your thread here. When in reality, you know, and I know, there is NOTHING you can do to keep him on the straight and narrow, but pray.

Plenty of times I used to get my mind into an uproar, seeing, and imaging things related to my addicts that weren't actually true. Since you don't know the reason behind his not going to the library, I would just let it go.





Hugs and prayers,

Ann

Sending big momsize hugs because being the mom of an addict can just plum wear us out.

hope213

just adding my hugs & prayers for you both.