Afraid 2 let go

I'm really not sure how to start this update, except to say I'm VERY hopeful. My husband as you all know screwed up again Oct 12. I just found out Wednesday after he screwed up yet again, that he has been using again since Aug, where I "thought" he had been clean for 14 months, in reality it was only 1 year. I also found out he had used Mon, Tues and Weds of this week. His Mom and Brother had been talking to him for 2 weeks about an excellent doctor they knew who would treat both his physical problem and his drug problem. This is a Christian doctor, who is also a preacher. On Tuesday night he called his Brother and asked that he get his appointment with this doctor set up, but then he screwed up the next day. When he got home Weds afterwards, I didn't speak to him the first 45 minutes, and wouldn't even look at him. He just started talking and I listened. He told me he wanted me to know the WHOLE truth about his life. He said that I had been right all along, he IS an addict. His Sister died on his 10th birthday, at which time he started drinking and smoking cigerettes. By age 12 he was smoking weed. At 14 he was doing acid. And at 16 he had his first experience with Cocaine. He has had a problem with it and pills ever since. Crack actually became a major problem for him a couple years prior to meeting me in 2005. He also admitted that he had gotton a raise from his boss several months back, which I was unaware of (I talked to his boss on Weds, and he had already told me before he got home from his screw up, but he didn't know that I already knew). He also admitted that he had been using again since Aug.When he finished talking he begged me to speak to him, to say "something". The only thing I could say after listening to all of this, and being as hurt as I was was.....you have ONE option left. He said "I KNOW I NEED HELP. I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to lose you and the kids, ya'll are my life, I AM GETTING HELP!!". I said "Good, call your brother RIGHT NOW and tell him to come get you (his family lives 4 hours away)". He called, told him he had screwed up, wanted help and wanted to see that doctor, and come get him please. The last couple days we've done alot of talking. He's told me that he hasn't been to rehab before because in his mind he had nothing to lose, but NOW he has a family with me and the kids and he has TOO MUCH to lose, and is NOT going to let that happen for drugs or anything else!! He said his heart and his mind is COMPLETELY into getting well, and being the man that he KNOWS he can be. His Brother and Sister In Law picked him up an hour ago. He has an appointment with this doctor at 9:15. When he goes everytime this doctor will make him read a chapter from the Bible and be quizzed on it, this is part of his treatment, as well as medication. He will be gone from me and the kids for atleast one week (4 hours away). I have cried my eyes out knowing we would be apart for this time. We've only been away from each other for 2 days since the day I met him 2 years ago. This is hard for me!! He told me to try to not be so upset and look at it this way....."he's going away for a short time to get well, so that he can come back a new man and we will be able to spend the rest of our lives together. Otherwise, if he doesn't do this and stays the man he has been, then the end of our marriage would be soon to come". I KNOW he's right. It just hurts SO much to be away from him, although I KNOW this is best, this is what HAS TO happen!! I admit I have REALLY high hopes this time, because this is the first time he's admitted wholeheartedly that he's an addict and needs help, and is actually seeking it. Also the first time in 2 years that he's ever admitted his entire drug history to me. This doctor has treated several of his friends that he used to party with. His brother said these guys were like 10 times worse than he is, and are now living clean lives and have been for several years.....once again, this gives me high hope. For the next week I will be on here everyday, because I probably need you guys more now than I did the day I joined this site. PLEASE continue to pray for us!!

Prayers, Hugs and Best Wishes To You All,
JEN :ghug

inflamleft

My prayers are with you! Stay strong!

Ann

My prayers are going out too, Jen, for you and your family.

Something that might help you, while he is away and even after he returns...meetings of Alanon, Naranon or CoDA, 3 wonderful programs that are similar and help us keep our balance, even when our addicts lose theirs. Maybe give it a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

I'm glad he sought help, that alone is a good sign.

Hugs

Afraid 2 let go

I have gotton 3 calls today from my husband since he left this morning. He did go to his appointment, he likes this doctor, he got his meds, he has to attend 4 meetings between now and next Friday (his next doctors visit), also he has to read a chapter from the Bible daily. This doctor has treated thousands of drug abusers and has an excellent history on these patients in helping them reach FULL recovery. I will be going to meetings with my husband when he returns home. He sounded very positive in our phone calls today, and is doing what is necessary to try to reach out and recover from this addiction. Thank you very much for all of your replies, and of course for your prayers. I will continue to write an update everyday. Take care and God bless!!

HUGS!!
JEN

havehope

Jen
My prayers are with you and your family. I am glad he is reaching out for help. You will be OK without him for a week. I know it might be hard, but look at it as a way to focus on yourself and your recovery; no matter where he is in his recovery.
I think one of the hardest things for me to learn was that my happiness should not revolve around my addicts' recovery. My recovery is about me, not about my addict.
Keep us posted. I am very glad that he seems willing to make this work. One day at a time.
Hugs and Prayers
Terri

greeteachday

Jen, you and your family are in my prayers. I hope this is his time. Keep moving forward in your own recovery while he is busy with his...it will help you both. Hugs

Afraid 2 let go

Well, I just talked to him again and he is sounding like a new man already!! I also talked to our sister in law who said he hasn't complained about any of this treatment all day. Even though he's told me that this medicine has several side effects, and one of them is nausea, and he hasn't been able to eat. That worried me, and he must have read my mind because he said "Don't worry, I'm NOT stopping this medicine. Maybe this sick feeling will go away in a few days. It's probably just because it hasn't gotton in my system good yet, but it will because I'm going to keep taking it". I know that he will, because his brother if need be, will insist that he keep taking it, and will be sure he does. He also said that it seems to be helping his physical pain. That's GREAT!!

Just my quick update for now. Will be back tomorrow to post more.

Thank you all again for everything. God bless and take care.

HUGS!!
JEN

hope213

he has the help now & i pray that he will stay with it & make it. my prayers are for him & your family.keep coming back here & read & learn.try to get some meetings in for yourself if u can.they ready help. hugs,

parentrecovers

this is great time for you to take some time and work on your recovery as well. GREAT NEWS! hugs, k

Afraid 2 let go

Not really much to report today. Last night when we talked he said the medicine isn't making him feel quite as sick now. Has anyone heard of Subutex?? This is what he was given. I would like to know if it's a good medication to help him. Any replies would be most appreciated.

Many thanks to all of you, and God bless!!

HUGS!!
JEN

Afraid 2 let go

Not much to report today, really. My husband still seems to be doing pretty well with his treatment. He has his first NA meeting tonight, and says he's looking forward to it. He has 3 more meetings to attend this week after tonight, and then back to the doctor on Friday. He's reading the Bible as he's supposed to as part of his treatment. I still need to know if anyone has been given Subutex/Suboxone as part of their treatment, and how it works, and if it helps. PLEASE someone who has used this reply to me and let me know about it. I'm praying everyday that this treatment plan he's on helps him to FULLY recover from his addiction. Please my SR fiends pray with me. Thank you ALL for being my friends, giving your opinions and advice, and most of all for your prayers. God bless you all, and good luck in your situations.

HUGS!!
JEN

caseyshare

We're all very glad to see that your AH is doing well and sticking to his program. Thank you so much for the regular updates.

How are YOU doing, Afraid? I know it's unbelievably challenging to do all things you usually need to do, and to stay in touch with them, when they're in recovery. We understand. And we'd also love to hear about your own recovery and how you're feeling and what you feel you need.

Afraid 2 let go

Thank you for asking about me Casey. Actually, as far as his treatment goes.....I'm doing pretty good. As I said.....I'm VERY hopeful. As for me, I've been using this time away from him to read and learn as much as I can about addiction and how I can help him when he gets back home.....which in turn will help US. I've still been taking my meds faithfully everyday, for my nerves. I've had extra time to spend with my kids, and that's been great!! See this situation with my hubby isn't all I have going on in my life right now?!?! My daughter who's 17 is a witness for the prosecution in a criminal trial on a man 32 who has been charged with the statuatory rape of a 16 year old friend of hers. Charges have also been filed on him for solicitation of a minor..... my daughter!! On top of this he has 2 counts of solicitation to commit 1st degree murder on him, because he was trying to have this 16 year olds Dad and fiancee killed. The fiancee is his own sister!! Also, they have charged him with trying to have drugs planted on the same people. He went for arraignment on Thursday and the judge (Mr. Softy) tried to give him a $25,000 bond, which the DA argued was extremely low, so he raised it to $50,000. He has to appear in court in another county on Nov 21, on charges of aiding the unrulliness of a minor. What he actually did was bought a cell phone for this 11 year old girl, and tried to help her run away from home, while he was on duty as a deputy sheriff and in the patrol car!! They just found out about this last year when the girl was 15!! We're hoping and praying that he doesn't make bond. I fear for my daughters life if he does . He appears in court again this coming Thursday, after being given a week to retain an attorney. So as you can see I have MAJOR DRAMA in my life from all sides right now. I think if it weren't for my meds I'd go nuts!! This about sums up what's going on in my life these days. Now that I've told the story about my daughter, I hope everyone out there will help us pray he's not released and gets the punishment he SO deserves!! Also continue to keep my husband in your prayers please.

Thank you for reading this and God bless you all.

HUGS!!
JEN

Impurrfect

Jen -

As far as the subutex goes, you may want to ask your question on the substance abuse forum. Several people there are on it or have been on it. My stepsister is on it right now and said she felt her dose was too low. I posted a question on that forum (I'm an RA so always on there anyway, but opiates wasn't my thing). Anyway, I was able to tell her she couldn't just stop it (she had, that day), it has to be tapered, and also learned from someone that the dose she was on is considered very high. She was going to call her Dr. in the morning and see about getting lower dose and start tapering.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Ann

My prayers go out for you and your family, this is indeed a trying time for all of you.

I'm glad he is doing well and that you are taking care of you. The best person to ask about any medication is the doctor who prescribed it. How others were affected does not necessarily mean that your husband will react the same way. It's dangerous for any of us to give medical advice here when the only person who really knows why that was prescribed or the dosage is the doctor who made the decision.

Hugs

Lizrox

Jen, Subutex (aka-suboxone) is used for opiate withdrawal. Some doctors use it for other drugs as well. They gave me suboxone for 7 days for Vicodin withdrawal..they start you on a higher dose and then wean you off of it..

I think it's great that your husband is seeking treatment.. He recognizes he has a big problem..

In rehab you are protected. What is most important is what your husband does when he gets out of rehab. If you didn't read my post about tough love read it.. Rehab stats aren't good.. We had a speeker one night in rehab. He said 97% of the people that walk out the front doors will use again.. BUT, 93% WILL make it if they follow what they call "the 5 pillars"

1. Therapy
2. medication
3. 90 meetings/90 days
4. sponser
5. home group

Honestly, I say "scr#w" the stats. Don't let them scare you. What your husband has too do is too make major lifestyle changes and recognize what his triggers are..the things that make him want to use..

Your family will remain in my prayers..

Impurrfect

Thanks Ann for the reminder of checking with the Dr. That's why I made SURE my stepsister called her Dr. and did not just take my word for it.

Amy

Mewoman

Good Luck ! I hope that everything works out for you and your family .

I don't want to highjack your thread but I have co-worker with sort of similar story . Great guy when he is sober but he started out like your husband , he lost his cousin in a fire that he helped drag him out of , at the age of 12 and within weeks afterward he started drinking and uses drugs a year later . It took him twenty years to reconize it was the death of his cousin that started him abusing drugs and alcohol . I wonder what link death plays in someone starting drugs ?? Geez maybe I was naive but at 10 , 11, 12 years of age I was still playing with toys LOL I didn't know anything about drugs !

Afraid 2 let go

First of all thanks to all of you who have replied to my post, and for your encouragement. Only one short update on my husband tonight.....the meds have now caused blisters to come up on his skin. My idea (Which Lord knows I'm not a doctor) was that maybe that was the drugs working out of his body. His Mom is taking him to his meetings tomorrow, and then back to the doctor on Friday. He has taken the meds faithfully although he's had several complications on it. For this alone, I'm proud of him. Although I realize that alot of the questions I have concerning the meds I need to ask his doctor, I have no way of contacting him. I mainly just wanted to know how the Subutex/Suboxone works. I also wanted to know if Crack is considered an opiate. I have been trying to find something online to maybe answer these questions for me, but so far no luck. I will try the substance abuse forum here at SR, and thank you Amy for the suggestion. I appreciate very much all of your replies, words of encouragement and prayers. You are all in my prayers also.

Take Care & God Bless.

JEN

Spinner-007

Hi Jen,

my wife has been on Suboxone for about 4 weeks. According to her, it stops the cravings, and from what I've seen, totally offsets all of the behaviors of going through the withdrawal.

I noticed that her exima was really kicking in about the time of first taking this. As for symptoms or side effects, according to the label people can get tired or dizzy. She has been a little of both(partly because she still doesn't eat right).

Just remember it's a drug, an opiate antagonist they call it. It blocks the receptors in the brain from getting any high from the opiates. I don't know about crack, though.

I hope this helps...