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Old 10-25-2007, 11:44 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kalamazoo, MI
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there's more

After saying that he wants my daughter and me to move in next fall, my abf pulled out all of the "I love you's" with a healthy dose of "if only you...." guilt included. He's on a business trip but calls with renewed energy to be sober. Why is it that there's so much energy to be sober right after he uses.

Last night, he kept pushing me to share my feelings. So I told him that he'd been lying to me and has been using drugs and alcohol for weeks (it was just a lucky guess). I finally told him that he should "consider himself single." That was the best I could do in terms of breaking up with him. I couldn't even say it outright. He's a brilliant, sucessful man. There is so much about him that I admire, but that doesn't change the fact that he is a drug addict.

I'm scared. My finances are at the wire. I'm behind in my house payment. It's my fault that I let my expenses creep up out of control. He doesn't support me but he buys a lot of the extras and would support me if I asked or needed. I'm afraid to put finality into this break-up because I'm afraid to give up the financial safety net. I know how awful that is! I had to admit it to someone.

Then I wonder if there is some way he could get clean and we didn't have to break up. Could I insist on a halfway house? But everything inside of me says that I have to cut him off. It's the only way he'll be held accountable for his actions. It's the only way for me to have a relationship with mutual trust. I want this to wake him up to the impact of his addiction. I see how directly co-dependent that is.


I see myself in some of the posts today. Like, I don't want him to find some other girl to lean on.

Please help me with some good, clear thinking!
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Old 10-25-2007, 12:10 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6
girl, i am right there with ya! not the finance part, my xabf is completely broke. he can't provide me with any kind of support - financial, emotional, etc. but he is, or WAS, an intelligent man who made good choices at one point. i broke up with him to try and force him to put the heroin down. it still hasn't worked. we have no contact any more. his cell phone is off. he moved to another city (i don't know where he is). he doesn't answer e-mails. and my imagination is quite possibly killing me. i don't have any advice as i am VERY new to all of this but i just wanted you to know you are DEFINITELY not alone. i guess all we can do is try to keep our heads up and pray.
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Old 10-25-2007, 07:24 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
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People don't quit abusing drugs as long as we keep excusing it. I know how scary the financial part is, but you can do it. You will feel better about yourself when you are depending on yourself. Then if in the end it works out, great. But in the meantime you are taking care of you. I have had to cut back a lot in the last 3 years, stop shopping so much, etc. But it hasn't killed me and I am working my way out of debt. Is it worth the price its costing you, staying with an addict?
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