katie44

Its been a long time since I posted on this site.My 20 As son is still an active user, he just got out of rehab well kind of he was very depressed in rehab right from the start 2 months in to the program anxiety was getting worse. Counsellors sent him to the hospital changed the antidepressants he was on and the doctors put him in phyc for 10 days. Stupid me brought him home I felt sorry for him. My spouse was very upset about it. The very same day hes back in our home he takes our vehicle out in the middle of the nite he gets caught speeding over 50k, so they impound our vehicle wich I will get back tomorrow for $600.00. My son gets a one week suspension. He claimed he was on the way to the hospital bad anxiety attack however the hospital is the other direction. I go to the bank today there is $400.00 missing from my account. It was written on October 10, so he did this while he was home for a weekend visit from rehab. I had a hidden bootle of wine in the cupboard gone. I lost it today I went home told him to pack and get out. No more help, no money, no cigarettes I have had enough. I dropped him at a local shelter he was in tears. Talked about wanting to give up on life etc. etc. i held my ground firm and let him out of the car although I cried all the way home. With addiction there is always chaos. It is like he has no conscience.

cece

No advice,
Just here to tell you i hurt for you. I have been there. I hate that we have to feel this pain. Sending hugs and prayers your way.
:praying

Impurrfect

Katie44 -

Sorry you're going through this but you were NOT stupid - you're a mom who loves her son.

I'm on the "other side" - a RA, and I can tell you that what you did is the greatest act of love, although I can imagine it hurts like he!!. My dad tells me how hard it was to not be able to save me from my addiction. But no one could have kept me from "going what I had to, to get where I am"

I'm hoping your son finds his way to recovery, but the most important thing for you is taking care of YOU!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Spiritual Seeker

Katie44- It is difficult to do what we have to do...not accept unacceptable behavior.
I admire your strength. We lock our doors to keep thieves out, we can't let them in our house even when it is our son. I had to kick my son out for the same reason when he was 19. Now 4 yrs. later he is living with me after I hardly saw him for 4 yrs. He is off drugs at this time but alcohol is problem. I still hide meds and $.
I hope I don't have to kick him our again because it hurts like hell for us Moms...but I will If I have to. We can make no sense how they turned out like this. My son is improving today. I hope your son gets it together. He will feel bad for what he did but as long as he's an addict this behav will be the norm.
(((((((Katie44))))) When they choose to live in chaos we have to protect ourselves from it ...Sometimes we can detach with love...sometimes all we can do is detach

marle

Detaching in anger is okay. Please don't feel guilty. Letting him live with you and steal from you is not acceptable even if he has the disease of addiction. There is help out there, but he has to be ready to accept it. You can't make him ready one day sooner than he is. The one thing you can do is take care of you and get healthy so that when and if he decides to get help, you can support him in a good, healthy way. And if he never does, then you can still find peace for yourself. Your life is just as important as his. Sometimes we moms tend to forget that. Hugs, Marle

lil516

I too made that ride to a local shelter...and I too cried all the way home...had to pull over at a few points b/c the tears blocked my vision

15 months later (now living in a sober house) my RAS says it was that action that made him realize he was out of choices and recovery began...

strange that the overdose that almost killed him didn't have the same impact but it didn't....it was the day mom(me) said "get out of the car"

I know how hard it was to do that
you are in my prayers

hope213

((((katie)))) as sad as it is,you did the right thing.nothing changes if nothing changes. maybe he will hit his bottom & he will come out of this.prayers,hope

katie44

thankyou all for your support. I sometimes think I am the biggest enabler out there. After 4 years of chaos I suppose I finally starting to get it. I wont bring him back I realize his first love is the drug, and now alcohol. It is soooo hard to detach from your children or should I say adult.

caileesnana

I'm late on this one, but I too have taken that ride. It is hard, but as those before stated, that 's what we have to do if we love our kids and ourselves!
Prayers for you and your son,
susan:praying

BigSis

I admire the strength it took for you to do this.

And it isn't he who has no conscience... you were talking to the drug. For me, separating the condition from the person has helped me learn to love them - sober or not.

I knew, always, that my daughter was in there... she was not the vile, nasty, raging, swearing, hitting, kicking demon that stalked our home taking what she wanted when she wanted it. My daughter is a beautiful, kind, caring, loving person who adores her family.

I got her back a couple years ago... it feels wonderful.

She, by the way, does not understand me doing this "split" thing. But I learned it with my mom. My mom loves me. But the woman who drank, and hurt me physically, emotionally and mentally did not. It was a survival thing to separate the two... and when she got sober 26 years ago... having split the two helped me to love her almost immediately.

That doesn't mean that I didn't (and don't still) have issues that need to be resolved. MY program in Alanon and working through a 4th and 5th step have helped me understand that I can write and talk about what happened, how it made me feel, and what I did because of it. I can feel and process feelings that I set aside for a long time. But I don't have to involve my mom (or dad) in the process. Incredibly, sometimes, my eyes have been opened to some "living amends" they were attempting without having to be told.

Addiction is awful, terrible, nasty, chaotic and heart wrenching. It is far-reaching. But when we choose to work a program of recovery, I can see where it has brought me to a new level of understanding. One I might not have been able to reach without all the "ism" that surrounds me.

In some ways, I am one of those women I thought I would never be who says, "I am grateful for some things I've learned due to addiction."

My prayers go out to you and to your son. ((((katie)))))

((((hugs)))))

Ann

Katie, I know how much courage that took, and I know how sad all this can make any mother because I've been there.

He has choices, even where he is now and he knows where recovery is when he decides he wants it. He just may decide he wants it all the sooner now, but either way you did the right thing.

I let my son's addiction drag me into hell with him, and it took me years to crawl back out. I couldn't bring him with me, we each have to do that ourselves, but I am in a good place today, free from the shackles of fear, and the one thing I can do is say a prayer each day and ask God to take care of him.

Sending prayers for your son too, and for you, that you both find peace soon.

Hugs

mooselips

Katie,
I, too made that ride with my oldest AS to the City Mission. Cried my eyes out all the home, too, as I remember it.

Although you feel downright awful right now, IMO, you are doing the right thing.

Let his H.P. watch over him, and lead him in the right direction.


My son was 28 when I took that drive, and he recently became sober at the age of 33. Just maybe if I would have taken that ride when he was younger...maybe he would have been sober younger? Could have, should have...

Hugs to you, from one mom to another...

BrokenBridges24

It is so hard to do what you did. I too have been there with both my A's. You did the right thing Katie. You can not save him, even though you want to. He has to do it for himself. It hurts like heck but you had no other choice.

I will say prayers for you and for him. You will find your way. Go easy with yourself...today was a hard day.

Lots of Love,
Broken

krhea75

I have a friend that told me we all have a point that we reach when we say it's enough. No more. It sounds like you reached your point. It sucks doesn't it? My 17 AS is on his own at a recovery house. I miss him but not the drama. Sounds like you could use a rest from it.
krhea