very new and very long, but VERY desperate
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6
very new and very long, but VERY desperate
hello all. i have been reading your posts for several weeks now. i stumbled on this site while i was researching heroin addiction and co-dependency. i am SO glad i did. i have just now found the courage (and desperation) to write my own post. i am hoping that one, or maybe MANY, of you can say SOMETHING to put this in perspective and help me stop crying myself to sleep every single night.
i was with my XABF for 3 yrs. off and on. looking back, it is easy to see that he has always had a "problem". he used some sort of substance every day - alcohol, weed, maybe a little coke now and then and lots and lots of pills - Vikodin, Oxycontin, Valium, Soma, you name it. It didn't seem that big of a deal to me. i've dabbled in recreational use myself and it wasn't causing any problems that i could tell at the time. he had a job, bought a house, kept up his appearances....looking back, it's easy to tell that this probably indirectly caused each of our "break-ups". i never thought to blame it on the drugs - it was just that one day he would do the most generous things and the next, he couldn't care less. during one of our breakups, i heard rumors that he started snorting and smoking speed. while the "soft" drugs weren't a big deal to me, the "hard" drugs aka meth, crack, heroin were always dealbreakers. or so i thought.
when we got back together THAT time, he told me how horrible it all was and that he would never do it again. i believed him and to my knowledge, he hasn't. he's now picked up a habit that he simply can't put down. heroin.
the first time he told me he used was 8 mos. ago. he used for a couple of weeks, went through withdrawals but got off of it. supposedly. he cried and said (say it with me) he was never going to do it again. i told him i would help him in whatever way i could.
2 mos. later, he told me he had used again. he used for a couple of weeks, went through withdrawals but got off of it. supposedly. however, this time, i told him that i couldn't help him any more and that i was leaving. he cried and said (you guessed it) he was never going to do it again. i told him that i couldn't help him any more and that if i ever found out he used again, i would walk away and no longer know him. that if i saw him on the street about to be hit by a car, i would look the other way. yes, it was an awful thing to say. but i didn't mean it and apparently, he knew that, too.
fast-forward through 6 months of him starting his own business and acting like a rational, decent boyfriend. we start fighting about him not ever being around any more - he was always staying at his best friend/business partner's house 30 mins. away. at the time, he told me he was saving gas money and that way, they could get a head start on the day - he's trying to start a business, you know? looking back, he stayed at his partner's house all the time so he could do drugs. did i mention that they NEVER got a head start on the day? we started fighting because he was always complaining about not having any money, yet he wouldn't get up before 11 on any given day. he blamed it on his partner. he blamed it on being woken up in the middle of the night. he blamed it on not feeling well. he blamed it on the alarm clock. truth be told, well, i'm sure you've figured it out by now. unfortunately, i'm JUST NOW putting it all together. i'm JUST NOW getting out from under the haze, wherein i'm made to feel like i'm completely off my rocker and a selfish b**ch for not understanding that he didn't feel good, that he was tired, that his partner was an a$$, that he was doing everything he could...that 15 Vikodin a day wasn't so bad...
i finally broke up with him. still not putting 2 and 2 together about the drug use. i honestly cannot tell when he is on drugs. he says this is why he shoots up. it's the only drug that has any "effect" on him. a few weeks later, i called (i've never been able to stay away from this guy - he is MY addiction) and he told me he was going to detox. i fall in love with this idea. we plan for him to move out of his friends' house (oh yeah, his house got foreclosed on by this point) and into mine, get him bus fare to pick up his jeep in san antonio (which got repo'd), and get into detox. it is at this point that he tells me it's heroin again. but what am i gonna do? i'm already in love with the idea of getting him clean. i understand now that i was only enabling him but i couldn't see it then. i'm so sorry i did that. 5 days into his stay at my house, he's still not in detox. i'm sure you've all seen how it's just one problem after another when it comes to these kinds of things. he gets out of bed at 3 am and goes outside. i call him and he says he can't sleep - i think he's walking the dog. i was mad because he woke me up when i'm the one who has to get up and go to work in 3 hrs. so i hung up on him. the next morning, he tells me where he really was - under the freeway shooting up. i cannot believe that he has stooped to this - we're both from upper middle class families - i can't think of any horrible tragedies that have affected us so badly.....i simply CANNOT fathom this. so i throw him out. he yells, cusses, threatens, wishes for my death but eventually he goes and i change my phone number. one last e-mail to tell him i know he hates me but i hope one day he will understand. apparently, i have my moments when i know the right thing to do. he starts e-mailing me back and turns out, he's moving to another city 3 hrs away where there is a decent program for him.
he moved. i end up giving him the new number. we talk about how everything's going to be okay one day. supposedly, he got into a methadone clinic. i finally broke down, sobbing one night and told him how i felt about everything and that i didn't think i could be anything more than a friend to him (which we ALL know does not work with our addictions). we talked for a week or so - every night - and then out of nowhere, he stopped calling. i waited 3 days and tried to call him. phone's off. he doesn't check his e-mail. i have no idea where he is. i have no idea how to find out if he's still in the clinic or what. i'm pretty sure that if he doesn't have money to pay for his phone, he doesn't have money for methadone. and i'm pretty sure i know exactly what that means. and god-only-knows what he's doing to get it. this is KILLING me. and i don't know what to do. i think this might be the only way for me to FINALLY get over him and move on with my life. but just that thought passing through my mind makes me feel so guilty (i mean, he could be dead for all i know), i could throw up. in fact, i have. i've cried, thrown things, slept for days, stayed up for days, not eaten, eaten everything in sight, cried some more, thrown up, yelled at people.....
maybe somewhere in my subconscience i knew, i just didn't want to see it. i still don't want to see it. but now he's gone. like, GONE gone. and i can't decide which is worse. i always thought he was just being lazy and self-absorbed and treated him like such. the last thing he said to me was that i should be more supportive. right.
i'm scared that drove him further into this - he's said as much, as well. i just wish there was something i could do - to help him, to help myself - to just stop resenting him, to stop worrying about him, to stop crying every night.....it's as if the past three years has happened to me all at once. all of a sudden. is that even possible?
i'm 99% sure he's on a heroin binge and that's why i'm not hearing from him. he knows that i will only scream and yell and cry. but then, i have this hope that he found some in-patient program and that's why he can't contact me. maybe he's found a girl who isn't so "judgmental" and "un-supportive". maybe he simply just hates me. i feel like i'm going crazy.
any response would be greatly appreciated. all my friends are tired of hearing it. they don't understand why i can't just let it go. that i shouldn't love someone who has this kind of problem.
i was with my XABF for 3 yrs. off and on. looking back, it is easy to see that he has always had a "problem". he used some sort of substance every day - alcohol, weed, maybe a little coke now and then and lots and lots of pills - Vikodin, Oxycontin, Valium, Soma, you name it. It didn't seem that big of a deal to me. i've dabbled in recreational use myself and it wasn't causing any problems that i could tell at the time. he had a job, bought a house, kept up his appearances....looking back, it's easy to tell that this probably indirectly caused each of our "break-ups". i never thought to blame it on the drugs - it was just that one day he would do the most generous things and the next, he couldn't care less. during one of our breakups, i heard rumors that he started snorting and smoking speed. while the "soft" drugs weren't a big deal to me, the "hard" drugs aka meth, crack, heroin were always dealbreakers. or so i thought.
when we got back together THAT time, he told me how horrible it all was and that he would never do it again. i believed him and to my knowledge, he hasn't. he's now picked up a habit that he simply can't put down. heroin.
the first time he told me he used was 8 mos. ago. he used for a couple of weeks, went through withdrawals but got off of it. supposedly. he cried and said (say it with me) he was never going to do it again. i told him i would help him in whatever way i could.
2 mos. later, he told me he had used again. he used for a couple of weeks, went through withdrawals but got off of it. supposedly. however, this time, i told him that i couldn't help him any more and that i was leaving. he cried and said (you guessed it) he was never going to do it again. i told him that i couldn't help him any more and that if i ever found out he used again, i would walk away and no longer know him. that if i saw him on the street about to be hit by a car, i would look the other way. yes, it was an awful thing to say. but i didn't mean it and apparently, he knew that, too.
fast-forward through 6 months of him starting his own business and acting like a rational, decent boyfriend. we start fighting about him not ever being around any more - he was always staying at his best friend/business partner's house 30 mins. away. at the time, he told me he was saving gas money and that way, they could get a head start on the day - he's trying to start a business, you know? looking back, he stayed at his partner's house all the time so he could do drugs. did i mention that they NEVER got a head start on the day? we started fighting because he was always complaining about not having any money, yet he wouldn't get up before 11 on any given day. he blamed it on his partner. he blamed it on being woken up in the middle of the night. he blamed it on not feeling well. he blamed it on the alarm clock. truth be told, well, i'm sure you've figured it out by now. unfortunately, i'm JUST NOW putting it all together. i'm JUST NOW getting out from under the haze, wherein i'm made to feel like i'm completely off my rocker and a selfish b**ch for not understanding that he didn't feel good, that he was tired, that his partner was an a$$, that he was doing everything he could...that 15 Vikodin a day wasn't so bad...
i finally broke up with him. still not putting 2 and 2 together about the drug use. i honestly cannot tell when he is on drugs. he says this is why he shoots up. it's the only drug that has any "effect" on him. a few weeks later, i called (i've never been able to stay away from this guy - he is MY addiction) and he told me he was going to detox. i fall in love with this idea. we plan for him to move out of his friends' house (oh yeah, his house got foreclosed on by this point) and into mine, get him bus fare to pick up his jeep in san antonio (which got repo'd), and get into detox. it is at this point that he tells me it's heroin again. but what am i gonna do? i'm already in love with the idea of getting him clean. i understand now that i was only enabling him but i couldn't see it then. i'm so sorry i did that. 5 days into his stay at my house, he's still not in detox. i'm sure you've all seen how it's just one problem after another when it comes to these kinds of things. he gets out of bed at 3 am and goes outside. i call him and he says he can't sleep - i think he's walking the dog. i was mad because he woke me up when i'm the one who has to get up and go to work in 3 hrs. so i hung up on him. the next morning, he tells me where he really was - under the freeway shooting up. i cannot believe that he has stooped to this - we're both from upper middle class families - i can't think of any horrible tragedies that have affected us so badly.....i simply CANNOT fathom this. so i throw him out. he yells, cusses, threatens, wishes for my death but eventually he goes and i change my phone number. one last e-mail to tell him i know he hates me but i hope one day he will understand. apparently, i have my moments when i know the right thing to do. he starts e-mailing me back and turns out, he's moving to another city 3 hrs away where there is a decent program for him.
he moved. i end up giving him the new number. we talk about how everything's going to be okay one day. supposedly, he got into a methadone clinic. i finally broke down, sobbing one night and told him how i felt about everything and that i didn't think i could be anything more than a friend to him (which we ALL know does not work with our addictions). we talked for a week or so - every night - and then out of nowhere, he stopped calling. i waited 3 days and tried to call him. phone's off. he doesn't check his e-mail. i have no idea where he is. i have no idea how to find out if he's still in the clinic or what. i'm pretty sure that if he doesn't have money to pay for his phone, he doesn't have money for methadone. and i'm pretty sure i know exactly what that means. and god-only-knows what he's doing to get it. this is KILLING me. and i don't know what to do. i think this might be the only way for me to FINALLY get over him and move on with my life. but just that thought passing through my mind makes me feel so guilty (i mean, he could be dead for all i know), i could throw up. in fact, i have. i've cried, thrown things, slept for days, stayed up for days, not eaten, eaten everything in sight, cried some more, thrown up, yelled at people.....
maybe somewhere in my subconscience i knew, i just didn't want to see it. i still don't want to see it. but now he's gone. like, GONE gone. and i can't decide which is worse. i always thought he was just being lazy and self-absorbed and treated him like such. the last thing he said to me was that i should be more supportive. right.
i'm scared that drove him further into this - he's said as much, as well. i just wish there was something i could do - to help him, to help myself - to just stop resenting him, to stop worrying about him, to stop crying every night.....it's as if the past three years has happened to me all at once. all of a sudden. is that even possible?
i'm 99% sure he's on a heroin binge and that's why i'm not hearing from him. he knows that i will only scream and yell and cry. but then, i have this hope that he found some in-patient program and that's why he can't contact me. maybe he's found a girl who isn't so "judgmental" and "un-supportive". maybe he simply just hates me. i feel like i'm going crazy.
any response would be greatly appreciated. all my friends are tired of hearing it. they don't understand why i can't just let it go. that i shouldn't love someone who has this kind of problem.
Last edited by nicole5353; 10-24-2007 at 02:37 PM. Reason: forgot something
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Originally Posted by nicole5353 
i've cried, thrown things, slept for days, stayed up for days, not eaten, eaten everything in sight, cried some more, thrown up, yelled at people.....
Welcome to SR. We're glad you've joined us and hope you stick around. Sadly, your story is not unusual, as there are many here who have been through the same.
My son is the one who brought me here just about the time when I thought there was no hope for him, for me or for the future.
I was so wrong and the members here allowed me to see that.
I really recommend reading around, attending a meeting if you can, and continued posting. When I arrived here I hadn't even heard of the word codependant, even though I had been living as one most of my life.
Again welcome...we're walking with you.
(((Hugs)))
Cece
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Hi and welcome.
My addict is my 22yr old son, his drug of choice is heroin.
Unfortunately there's not alot you can do and it hurts like he-- watching them go through this.
The best advice you will get here is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
I have been in the emergency room twice with anxiety attacks.
Finally I get it.... I don't go searching for him, or call him 20 times or well you know.
If he asks me for help I'm there oh i forgot to mention that he is in recovery off and on. Right now he is doing ok. but it really is up to him to get help. I'm sure you've read quite a few stories by now and see how similar everones is. So read and read.
Knowledge is power.
good luck
My addict is my 22yr old son, his drug of choice is heroin.
Unfortunately there's not alot you can do and it hurts like he-- watching them go through this.
The best advice you will get here is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
I have been in the emergency room twice with anxiety attacks.
Finally I get it.... I don't go searching for him, or call him 20 times or well you know.
If he asks me for help I'm there oh i forgot to mention that he is in recovery off and on. Right now he is doing ok. but it really is up to him to get help. I'm sure you've read quite a few stories by now and see how similar everones is. So read and read.
Knowledge is power.
good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I too know from firsthand experience how hard it is to love a heroin addict.
In my case though, the addict was my sister. Heroin is a vile drug, and destroyed her life. She would have very willingly taken me with her, if it meant she could keep getting her drug.
I didn't have the choice to ask this question, but you do: What is it about a man who lies, who is irresponsible, who takes every drug in the book, who feels nothing unless he's hopped up on something...what exactly is it that you love there? I dont' mean to sound harsh -- but it might be worth finding a professional to talk to, to help you untangle why your feelings for him are so strong, and how to UNtangle them. Your obsession with him, like all of us good codependents, is dragging you with him (we have a frequently used phrase here, "let go or be dragged")
Read around. Learn more about addiction, and especially about codependency. Talk to people who seem to be in similar situations here...all are willing to help. Read the stickies at the top of the forum (really good). Check out this post by goldenleaves, which is tough to read but pretty brilliant:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-illusion.html
Take a deep breath, nicole. You're among friends here. We all have different ways of expressing our concern...learn all you can, take small steps forward, and know that you're going to be okay.
Hugs,
GL
In my case though, the addict was my sister. Heroin is a vile drug, and destroyed her life. She would have very willingly taken me with her, if it meant she could keep getting her drug.
I didn't have the choice to ask this question, but you do: What is it about a man who lies, who is irresponsible, who takes every drug in the book, who feels nothing unless he's hopped up on something...what exactly is it that you love there? I dont' mean to sound harsh -- but it might be worth finding a professional to talk to, to help you untangle why your feelings for him are so strong, and how to UNtangle them. Your obsession with him, like all of us good codependents, is dragging you with him (we have a frequently used phrase here, "let go or be dragged")
Read around. Learn more about addiction, and especially about codependency. Talk to people who seem to be in similar situations here...all are willing to help. Read the stickies at the top of the forum (really good). Check out this post by goldenleaves, which is tough to read but pretty brilliant:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-illusion.html
Take a deep breath, nicole. You're among friends here. We all have different ways of expressing our concern...learn all you can, take small steps forward, and know that you're going to be okay.
Hugs,
GL
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Have you ever asked your BF to just quit? My guess is yes. And that he tried - as hard as he knew how. But he used again. And you asked him to quit. And he used again.
Your friends have said to you to let him go. And you understood their concern. But you went back and got involved in the chaos and the pain. And your friends repeated their advice. And you understood. But you went back again.
Notice any similarities?
I found that I knew EXACTLY what my kids needed to do in order to get clean and sober. I knew how many meetings a week would work best. It was obvious they needed to work the 12 steps. I knew they needed to get a sponsor. I knew they should read the literature. I knew they needed to pray for strength.
Absolutely. It was just too obvious.
Until I mentioned all this to a woman in my Alanon program, and she asked me... how many of those things are YOU doing?
wow.
Not very many.
But then I started... Going to meetings. Working the steps. Getting a sponsor. Reading the literature. Praying.
Whattya know... my life got better. Even when my kids were still using.
(((hugs)))
I do wish you the best.
Your friends have said to you to let him go. And you understood their concern. But you went back and got involved in the chaos and the pain. And your friends repeated their advice. And you understood. But you went back again.
Notice any similarities?
I found that I knew EXACTLY what my kids needed to do in order to get clean and sober. I knew how many meetings a week would work best. It was obvious they needed to work the 12 steps. I knew they needed to get a sponsor. I knew they should read the literature. I knew they needed to pray for strength.
Absolutely. It was just too obvious.
Until I mentioned all this to a woman in my Alanon program, and she asked me... how many of those things are YOU doing?
wow.
Not very many.
But then I started... Going to meetings. Working the steps. Getting a sponsor. Reading the literature. Praying.
Whattya know... my life got better. Even when my kids were still using.
(((hugs)))
I do wish you the best.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
i think this might be the only way for me to FINALLY get over him and move on with my life. but just that thought passing through my mind makes me feel so guilty (i mean, he could be dead for all i know), i could throw up. in fact, i have. i've cried, thrown things, slept for days, stayed up for days, not eaten, eaten everything in sight, cried some more, thrown up, yelled at people...
You can now see why it's called a disease. This disease spread to you.
This is insanity honey. You don't have to live like this. You don't deserve to live like this.
You can now see why it's called a disease. This disease spread to you.
This is insanity honey. You don't have to live like this. You don't deserve to live like this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
your story is the typical addict story.welcome to s.r. i am glad u r here. please read around.read "what addict do" at the top of the forrum. the road with an addict is hard & long they do not love or care about anything but there drug.lots of info here & caring people so pull up a chair & stay with us.prayers for your b.f. & you too.
StrivingToThrive
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: san diego, ca
Posts: 425
Most likely He'll be back. They always come back. I'm going to say to you what my counselor said to me. He told me, " He'll be back. Want to bet on it? But my goal is to get you healthy enough so that when he does come back you don't play the game any longer." He also calls me a " Flaming Co-Dependant" So he doesn't pull any punches. I was so sure my husband was gone for good too. But he came back. But by then I wasn't so sure i wanted it any more. He doesn't know what to do with this strong gal, but he is trying hard and adjusting. I still haven't decided if I want him back. I might want more. Imagine that huh? Now he is wondering if I will stay to work it out. The first step is understanding you are better than this. then it is to get yourself healthier because right now you are as crazy as he is, and i have so been there( and occasionally revisit). But now i want to be more than someone who begs someone to Love me. thats not me anymore.
Prayers for you. We are here no matter what you do. You are Loved.
I know the pain. Too well
Cathy
Prayers for you. We are here no matter what you do. You are Loved.
I know the pain. Too well
Cathy
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
nicole5353,
Hi Nic, welcome to Sober Recovery, sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but I guarantee if you keep reading here, and following some simple suggestions, you're going to feel better, I promise.
First, try to get to meetings a.s.a.p. If you cannot find Naranon in your area, attend Alanon.
Also, there's a wonderful book, Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, (an oldie but a goodie) that decribes pieces and parts of us codependents.
One other thing, in your post you suggested that perhps it is or was YOUR fault that he used. That is SO not true.
For right now, decide to start working on YOU.
And, keep posting, we're all here for you, okay?
Hi Nic, welcome to Sober Recovery, sorry for the circumstances that brought you here, but I guarantee if you keep reading here, and following some simple suggestions, you're going to feel better, I promise.
First, try to get to meetings a.s.a.p. If you cannot find Naranon in your area, attend Alanon.
Also, there's a wonderful book, Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, (an oldie but a goodie) that decribes pieces and parts of us codependents.
One other thing, in your post you suggested that perhps it is or was YOUR fault that he used. That is SO not true.
For right now, decide to start working on YOU.
And, keep posting, we're all here for you, okay?
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Hey nicole-
Welcome to sober recovery.
To me the statement above is a nutshell of your concerns.
I tell ya it is hard to loose an addict. If something were wrong like him being sick, in jail, in rehab,ect.. he would probably have already called you. Like you said he is probably on a binge when his supply runs out he might show back up. You already know that you can't help him.. I have 2 brothers a sister and my H all using crack and a cousin who is a heroin addict. There are more members of my family like this too. Letting go of these people has been a terrible journey for me. But for my sanity and complete health I just had to turn my back on them a get on with my life.
Probably just when you start to get yourself together again he will show up so he can mess up your life again...
This is the very best advise I can give: For your sake; I hope you can try to do what is the very best for you and if can just leave him out of the equation.
I know how difficult it is to not obsess over where he is and what he might be doing. I don't envy your position. I hope you can find the strength to turn away from him.
Real love don't take no $hit or give any....
Welcome to sober recovery.
Originally Posted by nicole5353
i'm 99% sure he's on a heroin binge and that's why i'm not hearing from him. he knows that i will only scream and yell and cry. but then, i have this hope that he found some in-patient program and that's why he can't contact me. maybe he's found a girl who isn't so "judgmental" and "un-supportive". maybe he simply just hates me. i feel like i'm going crazy.
I tell ya it is hard to loose an addict. If something were wrong like him being sick, in jail, in rehab,ect.. he would probably have already called you. Like you said he is probably on a binge when his supply runs out he might show back up. You already know that you can't help him.. I have 2 brothers a sister and my H all using crack and a cousin who is a heroin addict. There are more members of my family like this too. Letting go of these people has been a terrible journey for me. But for my sanity and complete health I just had to turn my back on them a get on with my life.
Probably just when you start to get yourself together again he will show up so he can mess up your life again...
This is the very best advise I can give: For your sake; I hope you can try to do what is the very best for you and if can just leave him out of the equation.
I know how difficult it is to not obsess over where he is and what he might be doing. I don't envy your position. I hope you can find the strength to turn away from him.
Real love don't take no $hit or give any....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Kalamazoo, MI
Posts: 69
maybe he's found a girl who isn't so "judgmental" and "un-supportive".
I just read the article from GivesLove. It made we wonder how you feel about your actions? That's what matters, isn't it? He's an addict. His thinking is not clear. Who is he to have an opinion on how you behave in this insane situation?! You can decide if you are the person that you want to be. Maybe you want to be a happy person in a relationship with someone who treats you with love and respect.
My abf has used those words about "judgement" and being "supportive" about a thousand-million times. What he really wants is for you to be "supportive" of him being a drug addict. The best way you can be supportive is to respect and take care of yourself.
It's so hard not to wonder and worry! Keep reading the posts. Stay strong.
HUGS
Molly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 6
i think i am so co-dependent that i can't even tell how *i* feel about anything any more. i reacted horribly each and every time he told me he used. when he asked for understanding, i acted with incredulity - "HOW can you expect me to understand this!!!?????" in my defense, this stuff doesn't come with an instruction manual and i have no prior experience with anything remotely like this. still, i believe i would've should've could've handled it better. and THAT is all i would like to say to him at this point. i think it would make me feel better. but then i wonder if trying to say that to him is simply trying to make HIM feel better, giving him something to quit for (although i KNOW it doesn't work)....again......[sigh] it's neverending - this merry go round of emotions......i have not had a healhty perspective on this relationship from the very beginning so putting it down and looking at it in these terms is still difficult.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
hi nicole.
welcome here... ihope u find here the support u need,
wehn i came here i ws overwhelemd.. i found peopel other people here were going through the same things i was goingthough..
all ththings you said,, reminds me lotsofthings... allthe behaving .
you cant control his behaving.. no mater how u try to di it,, in agood way in amad way... helljsut keep his way till he wants tochange..
when i married myhusband he was an addcit i always believd that i will change him.... wel no... he changed me .. i became a broken person inside... full of pain.
yes i love him somuch.. and yes he tries butthan in one second h forgets it all. and goes on withis drug.. and yes there were times he didnt use crack but he did otherthings, drank, gambeled. and all the thing like this.. its a addict life.
i just hope that you dont end up broken in few years trying to find some comfort lik me today..and try to figure out whatyou have to do.... how to live ur life. stay strong.. keep u life ur life.. dont makeusrefl live his life ,, trust me i love myhusband but ,, and iknow u love your man too. but let him fall so he can stand up he he wants dont fall with him
imstillw ithhim. but its very hard.. sojust food for u tothink....
u cant reason with him untill hes readyfor abig change..
hugs for u stay strong
welcome here... ihope u find here the support u need,
wehn i came here i ws overwhelemd.. i found peopel other people here were going through the same things i was goingthough..
all ththings you said,, reminds me lotsofthings... allthe behaving .
you cant control his behaving.. no mater how u try to di it,, in agood way in amad way... helljsut keep his way till he wants tochange..
when i married myhusband he was an addcit i always believd that i will change him.... wel no... he changed me .. i became a broken person inside... full of pain.
yes i love him somuch.. and yes he tries butthan in one second h forgets it all. and goes on withis drug.. and yes there were times he didnt use crack but he did otherthings, drank, gambeled. and all the thing like this.. its a addict life.
i just hope that you dont end up broken in few years trying to find some comfort lik me today..and try to figure out whatyou have to do.... how to live ur life. stay strong.. keep u life ur life.. dont makeusrefl live his life ,, trust me i love myhusband but ,, and iknow u love your man too. but let him fall so he can stand up he he wants dont fall with him
imstillw ithhim. but its very hard.. sojust food for u tothink....
u cant reason with him untill hes readyfor abig change..
hugs for u stay strong
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I haven't been around here much, so this is a delayed response.
Good advice before me.
You have a choice, continue to live with the chaos and suffer the consequences, or,
move forward with your life, your sanity, your bright future. There is no future with an active user, and, even in recovery there are monumental problems...their brain has been altered for life, there is some room for repair, but, it is minimal...the stinkin thinin will continue.
You cannot cure him, only he can do this, it is his problem, it is his to solve. He is an adult and must be responsibile for himself, his actions, good or bad.
We codies, me included, want to solve everyone elses problems, and thus, we have no time or interest in solving our own issues....until we take control of our lives we are never whole, we are part n parcel of another, there is no happiness, no peace.
Consider doing what is in your best interest.
Good advice before me.
You have a choice, continue to live with the chaos and suffer the consequences, or,
move forward with your life, your sanity, your bright future. There is no future with an active user, and, even in recovery there are monumental problems...their brain has been altered for life, there is some room for repair, but, it is minimal...the stinkin thinin will continue.
You cannot cure him, only he can do this, it is his problem, it is his to solve. He is an adult and must be responsibile for himself, his actions, good or bad.
We codies, me included, want to solve everyone elses problems, and thus, we have no time or interest in solving our own issues....until we take control of our lives we are never whole, we are part n parcel of another, there is no happiness, no peace.
Consider doing what is in your best interest.
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